What's the Gossip?

That lying, scheming Neil Patrick Harris!!

2010-04-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that Neil Patrick Harris kept trying to makeout with me, but I kept turning him down, explaining that I was married. The next morning at work, I found out that NPH was going around spreading rumors that we had hooked up. I woke up this morning all mad, like, "That lying Neil Patrick Harris!!!"

I totally need these outfits...

2010-03-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

Big Fan

2010-02-02T14:29:00.000-08:00

Heather Gay's Two Weeks of Pain blog is back! I am a HUGE fan! :)

My friends are spazzes!

2009-11-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

Holy crap, this video cracks me up. I can't stop laughing when I watch it! I love you guys!!!

Never Fear

2009-10-02T17:11:00.001-07:00

I don't know if you noticed, but I was totally planning on abandoning my blog. Facebook, Twitter and Blip are so quick and convenient, I figured there was no longer a need to say anything in more than 140 characters. But Brad made a really good point today. Everything I put on Facebook or Twitter goes away. So there is a point to keeping a blog. It's a like a journal. So I'm not going to abandon the blog. I'm just going to treat it like a monthly newsletter. Like, here's the stuff we crossed off our "Things To Do Before We Die" list this month. So yeah. Good times still ahead. Stay tuned.

The Ballad of GI Joe

2009-08-14T00:42:00.001-07:00

This song is out-of-control catchy. And the video is badass. Make sure to check out the credits.

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

I'm Totally Going to Try This Look For Work Next Week

2009-08-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

OK, that's just gross.

2009-08-13T23:22:00.001-07:00

Here's a picture of Jeff Goldblum, 56, and his new girlfriend, 21-year-old Tania Raymonde, who plays Alex, Ben's adopted daughter on Lost. Gross.

On the way to Tillamook

2009-07-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

Oregon Coast - Cannon Beach

2009-07-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPvfWGDZCGo

The Oregon coast

2009-07-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

Brace-face

2009-06-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

I got my braces last week. I got clear brackets instead of Invisalign because a couple docs told me I wasn't a good candidate for Invisalign. Here are the top brackets. They're putting the wire and bottom brackets in in two weeks.

While I was looking online for the phone number today, I found this raving review about my new orthodontist's office:

"CRACKHEADS - A DENTAL ASSISTANT DROPED A CRACK PIPE ON THE FLOOR DURING MY EXAMINATION... I THINK DRUG TESTING IS IN ORDER."

Awesome.

Wet Dreams Really Do Come True

2009-06-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

What is my obsession with boys named Edward? First, I was "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with Edward from Twilight. (No need to reiterate -- you guys know how bad it got.) And now, just when I think it's safe to think about guys named Edward, the lead singer of Live, Ed *EFFING* Kowalczyk, goes and flirts with me, lets me kiss him, AND PRACTICALLY ASKS ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!

If I sound a little excited, it's because I am. I'm listening to Live as I type this. The guy I just kissed is singing to me. Crazy times. Anyway, onto the greatest love story ever told....

So I went to the Live concert tonight at the Palazzo pool. It was like 5 of my favorite things all at once -- my "Friday," my payday, booze, Las Vegas at night, and Live (the band!)!

Well, the show was fantabulous, as always. Love love love them. Here's me like 12 feet from Ed, who is pictured in various stages of undress (or Eddie, as his friends -- which would include me -- call him):

So after the concert, we headed over to the poolside club, and who do I run into but Brazilian Marcia from Rock of Love Bus & Charm School?! Here's her and me, BFFs FOREVER:

She was so, SO nice. And so much smaller and prettier in real life than she is on the show. She must've stopped drinking for good, because she looked really skinny. We chatted about the other girls on the show, about how she lives in Vegas now, where she works-- BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY...

THE POINT IS, a little while later, Ed came in.

A crowd gathered around him. A bunch of short bitchez went up and attacked him and, the entire time, he just kept looking over at me and smiling. I'm not kidding. I was standing in front of him, a bunch of skanks were fluttering about, and he just kept looking at me. It was like a dream.

So I just went on up, cast the other bitchez aside, and gave him a great big hug. As I did so, I told him: "I'm 6'5", to answer your question. I saw you staring at me just now wondering." He seemed flabbergasted... in a good way. He said he thought I was standing on something. (Yeah yeah, I get that shit all the time, anywayz...)... Then we took a quick pic -- here:

Right after we took this photo, he leaned over and said to me, "6'5' is wonderful."

((record scratch))

I was like, "I'M SORRY, WHAT????"

And so he repeated it: "All 6'5" of you is wonderful." Oh shit. Panty pudding. He was looking me up and down as he said it too. Oh shit.

So then I poured my heart out to him. I said, "You know, I used to always say that if I could just marry your voice, I would. Just your voice. If I married your voice, I would be one happy housewife." He smiled and said, "That's very poetic."

AND THEN HE WHISPERED IN MY EAR: "My voice is single." Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

And then I did what any classy, married lady would do in that situation. I giggled, pulled away, and said, "Anytime, anywhere."

OH SHIT.

Then my friend Alexis tapped me on the shoulder and asked to get a picture, so I asked him to take one with her. I took a way better picture of them than she took of us. Not that I'm bitter. (Ok, I am):

Anyway, then I felt bad for talking to him for like an hour while all the other skanks watched in jealousy, so I decided to let him go. But not before I hugged him again... and kissed him on the cheek.

Ho-ly crap. I just kissed my biggest rock star crush ever on the cheek. Life is amazing.

Happy Teabag Day! (yesterday)

2009-04-16T10:09:00.001-07:00

This one is dedicated to my good friend Bethany...

I'm starting a book club!

2009-04-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited! Reading Twilight has totally gotten me back into reading, so I've decided it'd be fun to start a book club. This way, I can read all kinds of grown-up books I might never have chosen for myself, I'll have motivation to stay on task, and I can discuss the books with some hot ass bitchez! Sounds like a win-win-win!

In case you want to follow along on your own, we're starting Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen now. This will be the book for May. We'll pick a new one around May 21st.

Anyway, I'm excited. Can't wait to see how it goes!

Funny As Fuc#

2009-04-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Allison's friend Heather has this hilarious blog. I guess she likes to drink. That's a bit of an understatement. Anyway, she gave it up for two weeks while on the South Beach Diet and the blog chronicled those torturous two weeks. It's hysterical. And totally makes me want to start binge drinking. Anyway, start at day 1 and work your way up the days on the menu on the left hand side. Totally worth the time. Trust me.

Heather Gay's Two Weeks of Pain

Somebody Should Seriously Kick My Ass

2009-03-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

So... this Twilight obsession of mine has gotten a little out of control. One of the reasons I've been far too busy to blog over the last month is because I've been reading and re-reading the Twilight series, watching the movie over and over, and chatting with my Twilight sisters about every detail of the books and movies. I've compiled a list documenting my downward spiral. It's called, "How I Knew My Twilight Obsession Was Out Of Control:"

1. When I stopped watching TV so that I could read the books.

2. When I began talking about my relationship with Edward in the first person. For example: "Oh my God, I can't believe Edward left me on the forest floor."

3. When I began calling Brian Edward against his will.

4. When I started wearing Twilight tshirts in public.

5. When I waited in line at Walmart for an hour for the DVD to come out at midnight.

6. When I started taking the DVD into work to watch it on my downtime.

7. When I didn't leave the house that one day because I had to watch all 3 discs of DVD extras.

8. When I began making plans to visit Forks, Washington this summer.

9. When I began looking into buying a silver Volvo like Edward's.

10. When I decided to drive to Tempe this weekend to see Stephenie Meyer speak.

11. When my husband asked if I could try and resist maxing out the credit cards when bidding in a silent auction for lunch with Stephenie Meyer. (If I do win, I plan to use my powers of persuasion to convince her to finish Midnight Sun!)

Yeah, it's a bad scene. The only way to stop is to not start at all.

I pity the fool

2009-03-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long, my sweets. Lots of activity lately. All stressful. I got some kind of weird phone threat about a week and a half ago. It was an older-sounding male. He called at 1:15 in the morning on my house phone. His message said, "If you're a police officer, somebody's coming to get your ass, bitch."

At first, I thought it was the wrong number, since I am neither a police officer nor a bitch. But then I realized it could be a confused drug dealer. You see, even though I'm on the civil side of things now at my job, I still do the drug money forfeiture cases for the police.

This is how is goes down... The SWAT team goes in, takes drug money, and the next thing the drug dealers know, I'm serving them with legal paperwork to keep their money. Paperwork with my name all over it. A quick little search on zabasearch.com, and voila, there's my old phone number and address. It's supposed to be unlisted now, but because it was formerly my phone number at a previous address, it still comes up when you search my name.

So long story even longer, we sent my nephew off to his mom's house for the weekend, stayed the night with friends the next 2 nights, and I filed a police report. I also mentioned it to the narcotics officers I do work for and to our SWAT officers. They were super pissed about it and decided to do their own investigations. No word yet on who it was, but if the number is traceable, I pity the fool is all I gotta say.

I also told my boss, who made some calls and had police driving by and flying by my house all weekend. The police helicopter came around for over a week. While that was really thoughtful and made me feel more secure, it got old after a week. I've only just stopped hearing non-stop helicopter sounds. I'm sure my neighbors were really excited about it too.

I haven't had any problems since the first call. No strange activity around my house and no more threats. But we did step up our security and I'm considering buying a shotgun. So that's good.

So cute

2009-03-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

How cute is this leather Hello Kitty I got today? I love her
patent leather boots and mod dress. Adorable! Plus, she's black just
like my baby kitty!

What a Fu@%ing Loser

2009-02-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry I'm such a bad blogger. I've been distracted with Facebook. It's just so quick, short and to the point. That and I'm totally engrossed reading Twilight. I'm all of a sudden all giddy and obsessed with Edward, the hot vampire boy in the book. It's getting a little out of control. I'm thinking about sneaking off by myself to the theater to see the movie. I don't think I could find anyone to go with. I just have to finish the book first. Should be done by this weekend.

Let's see, other stuff that's been going on... Brian was nice enough to get us a room and spa package for Valentine's Day, so we did that last weekend, which was nice. But I started getting sick on V-day, so that put a damper on things. The spa was nice though. We tried Sushisamba at the Pallazzo that night for dinner. It wasn't good though. :-(

The rest of the week I spent sick at home reading Twilight. Loser. Oh well. At least I'm not smoking crack. It could be much, much worse.

That's all for now.

There Goes the Neighborhood

2009-02-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

I took both cats to the vet Friday. Enid is super heavy, so I had my hands full loading her into the car. I asked Jesse to bring the plastic jug with Moka's used insulin syringes in it so we could dispose of them as biohazard waste at the vet's office.

So we're on the way to the vet, and I don't see the jug anywhere in the car. I ask Jesse if he remembered to grab it and he swears he did. But it's clearly not in the car. So I figure he went in to get his iPod and forgot to grab it or something.

So we get home later, and the syringe jug is no where to be found. So it's not in the house, and not in the car.

Brian took a walk down the street and found out what had happened. Apparently Jesse had put it on top of the car and forgotten about it. Dozens of syringes were scattered all over our street. The jug was there too, but it was pretty much empty.

I just thought it was funny to imagine what our neighbors were thinking when they saw dozens of used syringes in the street.

Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards for Skanks?

2009-02-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

Best commercial ever

2009-01-23T13:01:00.001-08:00

Woe is Me

2009-01-18T14:57:00.001-08:00

This weekend has been rough for all of us. Baby Moka had a hypoglycemic episode Saturday morning. These are the symptoms of a hypoglycemic episode in order of ascending severity:

complete disinterest in food
restlessness
weakness, lethargy
head tilting
shivering
staggering, uncoordinated movements
problems with eyesight
disorientation (yowling, walking in circles, hiding, etc.)
convulsions or seizures
coma

He had all but the last two, plus he had vomiting and wheezing.

We took him to the vet, where he decided to start eating again, which got him sort of back to normal. Then we took him home and it all happened all over again. Except he didn't start eating this time, and the symptoms seemed much worse.

So then we took him to the emergency night vet. This time they said he was having a hyperglycemic episode. In addition, he now had an upper respiratory infection (that makes 3 infections in the last 5 weeks). They wanted $1,000 to watch him overnight. They couldn't do anything to fix him. They could just watch him and maybe stabilize him if it got too bad. I opted for the $250 option (hydration and an anti-vomiting drug) and took him home. This is no less than 10 vet visits in the last 5 weeks. I don't even want to add up the cost.

Anyway, this feline diabetes thing sucks balls. Moka has to suffer through infections and crazy terrible symptoms and there's nothing anyone can do about it. We are now syringe-feeding him, which is a horrible, traumatic exercise for all involved. My emotions are on a roller coaster, controlled by how good or bad he is doing from one minute to the next.

I would put him down, but for the fact that he's supposed to be able to live a normal life after this first terrible part is over, and it makes me feel selfish and weak want to give up on him. The only thing I can do is try to be patient, I guess. It's just really hard having to watch an animal suffer like this.

Called out

2009-01-14T23:06:00.001-08:00

Dude. I totally got called out by a lady I work with for not wearing the necklace she got me as a Secret Santa present. She literally just walked into my office out of the blue and started sweating me about it. Here's how the conversation went:

Her: I just wanted you to know that the necklace I got you for Secret Santa wasn't cheap. I paid more than $10 for it. And it was on sale. I just wanted you to know.
Me: Oh, cool. Thanks, I really liked it.
Her: I just didn't want you to think it was cheap.
(awkward silence)
Me: Oh, okay. Thanks.
Her: I just saw it and really liked it.
Me: I like it too. I just only have one brown shirt that would go with it and it has short sleeves, so it's been too cold to wear it.
Her: You don't have to wear it. I just thought it was nice.
Me: I think it's nice too. I'll wear it. I just don't have anything warm and brown to wear it with right now. But I'm sure I'll get
something.

The next day I emptied my closet out onto my bed searching for a matching shirt to wear it with. I was a half hour late for work and I ended up wearing a short-sleeved shirt in the middle of winter, but I managed to wear the necklace.

Secret Santa Necklace: $10
Awkward Conversation With Co-Worker Regarding Whether It's Too Cheap To Wear In Public: Priceless.

A funny story I forgot to blog

2009-01-10T15:15:00.000-08:00

A few months back, I was with my boss and two co-workers at a lawyer mixer thing. A prominent local lawyer was there too. He was with a kid, I'd say about 16-years-old. The kid was short and wearing a suit that was way too big for him. In addition, he had long, emo hair in his face, kinda bad skin, and he looked like he hated being there. He stood by himself off to the side while the lawyer schmoozed it up. Typical teenager, pretty much. So I'm introduced to the lawyer and here's how the conversation went:

Me: It's nice to meet you. Is this your son?
Him: No, it's my husband.
Me: Oh. I'm sorry.
My boss & co-workers: (mortified)

So yeah, apparently the "kid" wasn't a kid at all. And the prominent local lawyer is gay. And he is "married" to a much, much younger man. And I am a jackass. Awesome.

Welcome Baby Daphne!

2009-01-07T23:25:00.000-08:00

Congratulations Brad & Vanessa!

Moka Update

2009-01-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

My baby is still sick. His diabetes has caused him to have horrible peeing and pooping problems, weight loss, and his back legs are barely working. It kills to me to watch him suffer, but he's supposed to be able to live a normal life once the diabetes is finally under control. The vet says this is all normal for a diabetic cat, and that it can take up to 3 months to regulate his diabetes. In the meantime, this is what we have to go through. :-(

Moka at the vet

2009-01-06T16:52:00.001-08:00

I left work early today because Moka made bloody pee and diarrhea all over the house. We're at the vet now...

Flogging Cladeedah

2009-01-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

Go ahead, smack me around. I know I've been bad. I'm going to go with the cliche and blame it on the busy holidays.

Christmas was good. New Year's was good. After all the stress of travelling, bridesmaid stuff, Christmas, and New Year's, I'm happy to get back to the status quo.

One thing is still stressing me out though. My cat Moka isn't doing well. He's got feline diabetes, which is causing him to have major pooping and peeing problems. They say the first few months of treating it are the most difficult -- both in terms of treatment and cost. It's been kicking our butts, but we're sticking it through. I cannot express how much I love that cat.

I'll try to post some pictures of New Year's sometime this week. I know I've been a bad blogger and this update isn't much, but just bear with me. I promise to make it worth your while!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-26T18:57:00.000-08:00

This song gives me chills. It's Weezer singing O Holy Night.

Live Action Thundercats Movie???

2008-12-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

What's that? A live action Thundercats movie starring Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, and Vin Diesel? AWESOME! Actually, it'a big fat lie, but the trailer is pretty cool nonethless...

My Claim to Fame

2008-12-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

While I was watching the Charm School finale the other night, VH1 showed a preview of the new Rock of Love Bus. As I was watching it, I had to do a double-take -- was that my friend Jai Jai from high school?? Sure enough, it was her.

You may remember Jai Jai from my 10-year high school reunion. She's the plain-Jane I used to eat lunch with sophomore year who came back to the reunion a porn star. Here's her and me at the reunion (along with my friend Nancy):
And here's her on the Rock of Love website. Apparently she goes by "Jasmineva" these days:
That means there are only 2 degrees of separation between me and Brett Michaels. I can almost feel the herpes already!

Hobo

2008-12-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry to leave you hanging. December has been crazy busy. I've pretty much been on bridesmaid duty for Shannon's wedding all month. We had the bachelorette party and bridal shower on the same day two weekends ago. And then the wedding was this last weekend. Not much to report, other than I think it all went really well. Now I can focus on Christmas. Anyway, here's the only picture I have of me from the wedding (we forgot our camera).

Dancing Queen

2008-12-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

So, my nephew's running for winter formal queen at his school. The way this came about is that some kids were being dumb and sending text messages saying to vote for him for winter queen. He told me about it and I told him about my friend Mike from high school who actually ran for prom queen. He thought it was hilarious and decided to turn the joke around on the kids and run for winter queen himself. He spent all evening yesterday texting his friends and making posters. Some of the posters said, "Vote Jesse for Queen - He's got the rocks to run" and "Jesse for Queen - he's strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman." Yes, he's quite a pip.

Prop 8 the Musical

2008-12-04T15:19:00.000-08:00

I know I don't live in California anymore, but... I thought this was cool.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

New Trashy Reality Show!

2008-12-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

You guys remember Megan from Beauty and the Geek 2, Rock of Love 2, I Love Money, and Charm School: Rock of Love? Of course you do.
One of the last things Megan said before she got booted from Charm School was that she didn't want a career, she just wanted to be a trophy wife. Well, I guess that gave the brilliant minds over at VH1 an idea for a new reality show. Basically, millionaires compete to make Megan their trophy wife. Fanstastic. I can't wait. Casting is going on now guys, so get on it if you want a shot with Megan!

Could it really be?

2008-12-02T17:42:00.001-08:00

Oh fate, please don't toy with my emotions: Creed Reunion Taking Shape.

No more funny business

2008-12-02T17:20:00.001-08:00

We're back from our fabulous trip. All went well, except I got a little cold on day 8, which lasted until day 16, and Brian got crazy non-stop diarrhea as soon as we got to Hong Kong on Day 16. It lasted through the flight home on day 18 and didn't stop until about 2 days after we got home.

Remember our HIV primary care doctor? Well, he was nice enough to squeeze Brian in for an appointment the day before Thanksgiving. It turns out Brian had a parasite. Specifically, giardia. All is well now, but the doctor's visit is worth mentioning.

Brian asked if it was contagious. The doctor said, "No, not unless someone's licking your rectum. That may not be a concern for you, but you'd be surprised how common it is in the gay community." Em. Awesome. So yeah. Our doctor is pretty colorful. The HIV Primary Care rocks.

I think we're going to stick with him as our doctor. This is the second time he's impressed us with his super-smarts, and someone at work told me he's very highly regarded as a medical expert in the legal community. Plus, I get a funny story out of it every time either of us goes in. What's not to love?

China for your 'gina!

2008-11-20T02:08:00.000-08:00

We made it to China! (BARELY!) Anyway, just wanted to say hello. Many, many pictures to follow. See you on Monday!

Look out China, cuz here I come!!!

2008-11-06T18:43:00.001-08:00

No explanation for my sudden dizziness/nausea, but they ruled out any
heart trouble so I'm clear to go to China!!! Yay!!

Sent from my (new) iPhone

Crossroads

2008-11-06T16:32:00.001-08:00

I fainted this morning. I went to urgent care a few hours later and
the urgent care doc freaked out b/c of my Marfan syndrome and put me
in an ambulance to the ER. Now they're doing a bunch of tests. I
better be able to go to China tomorrow...

I wonder if there are support groups for people like us...

2008-11-05T16:51:00.000-08:00

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Cookie Party!

2008-11-05T16:42:00.001-08:00

These are the cookies I sent Brian today for our anniversary. There are assorted cookies at the bottom too. Yay, cookie party!!

Happy Schmaniversary!

2008-11-05T09:12:00.001-08:00

It's our third wedding anniversary!! YAY!! Love you sweetie-pie.

But kinda bummed...

2008-11-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda bummed that we won't have anymore Sarah Palin SNL skits or Cindy McCain Onion articles. The satirists really outdid themselves this year. This is one I can't get out of my head everytime I see Cindy McCain:

so happy...

2008-11-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

Good luck to those now relocating to Alaska!!

28 Attacks in 28 Days

2008-11-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

It's too bad I already voted early. I know that that wily, conniving Obama totally planned it that way. Had I known all of this, I would have voted McCain/Palin all the way. There are 28 videos in total, but this is my favorite:

Tall blog is back up!

2008-11-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

The tall blog is back by popular demand. China should yield some exciting tales of harassment.

Happy Halloween!!

2008-10-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

I'm monitoring early voting today, 7am-7pm. I am the most excited
volunteer u will ever meet. I've gotten misty-eyed like 4 times
already!!!

Noooooooo!!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

I dropped my freaking iPhone and it broke!!!

Spoooooky Halloween

2008-10-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

I ran across this blogpost. Definitely click on the links within: You scare me America.

Incidentally, I finally got my "legal observer" assignment from the Obama campaign last night. I'll be spending my Halloween at an early voting location, watching for voter tampering/fraud. Hopefully, Nevada won't be the next Florida. So yeah. I get to hang out with angry McCain supporters on Halloween. Now that is scary.

Super Gay

2008-10-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

So... Brian and I needed to go see a doctor for immunizations for our upcoming China trip. Since we just moved, I decided to find a new primary care doctor who took both of our insurance companies and was near our new house. So I found a doctor who fit the bill and made an appointment.

So... the receptionist there turns out to be this flamboyantly gay man-nurse. I didn't really think anything of it at first.

Then the guy sitting next to us in the waiting room starts having a really loud conversation with his boyfriend. Hmmm... now I'm suspicious.

I looked around and realized I was the only female in the packed lobby.

I started eyeing the men one by one for signs of gayness. One guy had on orange shoes and a matching orange shirt. Check, and check. Pretty much all of the guys in the room had something a little gay about them.

It was kinda freaking me out. It felt kinda like when I accidentally walk into Phillipino mass or Latin mass. I felt super out of place, like everyone was wondering what the heck I was doing there.

So when we got in to see the doctor, he looked really gay to me too. I don't know how to describe it. He just kinda had big gay hair and tapered gay pants. Also, his initial reaction to us was that we were both "young and beautiful, so there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with [us]." That sounded a little gay to me.

Then his phone rang. His ringtone was Enya, "Sail Away." Oh yeah, totally gay.

After we left, I asked Brian whether he noticed anything unusual in the doctor's office. Poor guy had no idea. He said he was just sitting there trying to figure out who was voting for McCain and who was voting for Obama.

When I got home, I Googled the doctor along with the word "gay." Sure enough, his office came up on tons of gay resource web sites. On one, it was listed as an HIV Primary Care Center. So... yeah....

Does it make me a bigot if I don't want to go to an HIV Primary Care Center for my primary care needs?

On the one hand, he was smart, and I felt like he knew what he was talking about. On the other hand, we don't have HIV and I'm wondering if the doctor was confused as to why we were there. Should I call him and ask if he only takes HIV patients exclusively?

I voted for my birthday!!

2008-10-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

The Curious Incident of the Garden Gnome in the Night

2008-10-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

This is very odd indeed. So, remember how I told you before that my garden gnome had disappeared? Well, he came back. He was just sitting there on my front lawn, exactly where he had been before.

I have two theories about what might have happened:

(1) Some punk kid stole it and his mom found it and made him put it back; or

(2) Vanessa, the person who gave it to me, is just messing with my mind.

My money's on #2.

And when it's party time, like 1999, I party by myself because I'm such a special guy - er, gal

2008-10-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

So we drove to Phoenix this weekend to see Weezer. I gotta say, it was the best show I've ever seen a band play. Rivers Cuomo is seriously different. But that's what made the show so unique. It felt like performance art. Okay, so here's how it went down...

When the band first came out, they were wearing what looked like white, full-body, painter's uniforms. And Rivers Cuomo had what looked like pantyhose or some sort of bandage around his head, with only a small hole for part of his face in the middle. It was bizarro.

Then they unzipped those suits and came out in red Weezer tracksuits. Rivers Cuomo took off the head bandage to reveal long scraggly 70s hair and a porn moustache, straight out of the Beastie Boys' Sabotage video. He was tiny and skinny and hunched over a lot, and walked kind of like a T-Rex. Painfully nerdy but in a really endearing way.

During the show, he bounced around on a trampoline. During Hashpipe, he put on a green headband, completing the 70s fitness theme.

During El Scorcho, he mounted a bodyguard's shoulders and rode him around the audience. It was awesome.

For the encore, they brought out 35 random Weezer fans who had won the opportunity to play an instrument of their choosing at the show. So they did Island in the Sun & Beverly Hills with 35 random people of all ages playing trumpets, cellos, didgeridoo, xylophone, bongo drums, etc. It was badass.

For the second encore, a roadie set up a Weezer-themed record player on stage. He got out a vinyl Red Album and started playing Heart Songs. So there we were. A huge arena of Weezer fans sitting there listening to a Weezer record. It was odd. When the song referenced Nirvana's Nevermind, Rivers Cuomo came out, kicked over the record player and started playing Nirvana's "Sliver." You know, the one that goes, "Grandma take me home" over and over. It was amazing.

So yeah, the moral of the story is, Weezer puts on a fantasic show and I hope they go on tour again soon.

Corruption in Algebra Class

2008-10-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

So Jesse has been trying very hard to raise his grade in Algebra. He got a rocky start, but he's been studying extra hard and going in early in the morning to do math problems with his teacher.

The other day, he heard someone say he could get extra credit in the class if he brought in boxes of Kleenex. 5 points per box is the going rate. He was told to keep it on the down-low because not everyone was supposed to know about it.

So he came home and asked us for Kleenex for extra credit. We said no because we don't think you should be able to buy a higher grade. Even if the currency is Kleenex.

After some investigation, we found out this is a very common practice amongst school teachers. Apparently, kids are very snotty and the district doesn't provide enough Kleenex, so the teachers usually have to bring in their own. So, potentially, you could look at it as extra credit for special "participation," for providing Kleenex for the class community. On the other hand, it's not going toward his citizenship grade, it's going toward his academic grade.

And now there's a new issue. The teacher told Jesse he could get extra credit for bringing in recyclables for the Senior class fundraiser. I'm more okay with this, since you don't have to buy recycling. You can pretty much find it in any trash. But it's still extra credit for something totally not related to Algebra.

So what's the right answer? Is there a lesson to be learned here? And, if so, is it worth getting a worked-for C instead of a paid-for B? Are we just ethics nazis?

****UPDATE**** Brian confronted the teacher with his extra credit policy and the teacher straight up denied, denied, denied. He admitted to "joking" with Jesse about getting extra credit for bringing in recyclables. That makes absolutely no sense. Why would a teacher kid about extra credit?

Las Vegas is SO weird

2008-10-09T16:58:00.001-07:00

Ever wanted to sit in a room made of ice, and drink out of a cup made of ice, while admiring a giant ice sculpture of Elvis Presley? Well, now you can...

Minus 5 ice lounge at Mandalay Place

Game On Bitches!

2008-10-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

I know exactly how you feel. You're super bummed that I Love Money is over, and that Project Runway is almost done too. How are you supposed to get your trashy reality-TV rocks off now??

Well, don't despair, my chickadee. Your next dose of schadenfreude is on its way... This Sunday is the premiere of Rock of Love Charm School and The Pickup Artist 2. OH YEAH!

Charm School is going to have Heather, Brandy, Megan, Kristi Jo, Frenchy, Lacey and a bunch of other skanks from Rock of Love. I cannot wait.

As for the Pickup Artist, it's a good thing it's coming back because I was getting a little bit rusty on my pickup artist lingo. I-O-I, Pivot... what else was there??

If that's not enough human suffering to tickle your fancy, you may also want to check out Paris Hilton's My New BFF or else Exiled, the show where they take the spoiled brats from My Super Sweet Sixteen and torture them in a third world country. Yes, it is as delicious as it sounds.

Let the fun begin!

My best friend's back and you're gonna be in trouble...

2008-10-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

My best friend Allison is moving back to Vegas! YIPPEE!!

Wanna know a secret?

2008-10-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to Creed on Pandora, and I like it.

It's possible that I may have also attended a Creed concert before in my life.

I may have also held hands with Scott Stapp from the audience.

Dear Bank of America:

2008-09-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Stop sending my bills in Spanish. I never asked you to switch me from English to Spanish billing. Just because I have a Spanish last name does not mean I prefer my bills in Spanish. Do you also send people with German last names bills in German and people with Greek last names bills in Greek? I doubt it. Please stop jumping to conclusions. Send my bills in English until otherwise directed. Thank you.

Exposé Radio

2008-09-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

Remember before, how I told you about Pandora, the online radio site that creates a radio station based on the type of music that you like? Well, a few days ago I thought it might be fun to make an "Exposé" radio station. You know, the group behind such 80s dance hits as:

Come Go with Me
Point of No Return
Let Me Be the One
Seasons Change, and
I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me

Well, let me tell you, Exposé Radio is THE BEST STATION EVER!! I've been having an 80s latin-flavored dance party in my office every day for the last three days. Some of the featured songs have included:

When I Hear Music by Debbie Deb
Let the Music Play by Shannen
Fascinated by Company B (the one that goes "I'm fascinated by your love toy")
In a Dream by Rockell
I'll Be All You Ever Need by Trinere
Some Kind of Lover by Jody Whatley
Lost in Emotion by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Head to Toe by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
In My House by the Mary Jane Girls
Straight Up by Paula Abdul
Every Little Step by Bobby Brown and
If It Isn't Love by New Edition

OMG, those are all my favorite roller rink jams!!!!

We are such her bitchez

2008-09-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so all the "no-kill" shelters in town are full, and we read a bunch of stuff online about how cat predators answer "free to good home" ads on Craig's List and then torture the kitties, and Enid absolutely loathes the backyard (she howls all night and stares at us lovingly through the sliding glass door), so... she's living in the garage now.

:-|

Oh, Enid.

2008-09-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Our cat Enid has not taken well to the new house. She doesn't like the new Cat Genie, so she's been peeing all over her cat area and pooping on the rug directly in front of the catbox. In addition, she's figured out how to get out of her cat corral, so she's started peeing in our living areas too. She also stays up all night howling and yelping. She's obviously not happy.

Rather than spend more money and energy trying to accommodate her further, we've decided to get rid of her. One lady who loves special needs cats expressed interest, but backed out later. We called all of the no-kill shelters in town, but they were all full.

Then yesterday morning, Brian came up and said, "Enid is officially an outside kitty." She had once again escaped from her cat corral and peed all over the house: under the couch, under the table, all over the kitchen. It was a pee-bath. So he put her outside. It broke our hearts, but it's what had to be done. We were all miserable with her in the house.

So far, she doesn't like being an outside cat. She sits outside the sliding glass doors and stares at us. Sometimes she yelps and cries. When she's not staring us down, she's hiding behind a bush. The good news, I suppose, is that she hasn't run away.

So yeah. If you want a fat, crazy, smelly cat that poops and pees in inappropriate places, let us know.

That's it. I'm buying a handgun.

2008-09-16T11:13:00.001-07:00

The people we bought the house from had a garden gnome in the front yard. We were hoping they'd leave it when they moved, but, alas, they took it with them. My good friend Vanessa was very thoughtful and got me one as a housewarming present. I was so excited to put it outside. It was the perfect accessory for my lovely front yard. Every time I came home to the gnome, it made me smile.

Well, then some little fuc$er stole it. I see now why homeowners hate kids. I agree with the mayor that vandals should have their thumbs chopped off. Bastards.

Anyway... my birthday is in about a month, and I will gladly accept happy garden gnomes for my padlocked back yard.

The most horrifying PSA ever made

2008-09-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

O. M. G.

Loves me some Gina Gershon

2008-09-12T08:50:00.001-07:00

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

Fight the Power

2008-09-10T15:57:00.001-07:00

I love it when people tell me what the law is. The other day, this idiot working at Dillard's told me I couldn't take more than 4 items into the dressing room at once. She said it was against the law to do so. I asked her, "What law?" She couldn't answer. I asked her, "What chapter of the NRS pertains to fitting rooms?" She couldn't answer. I asked her if she meant to say it violated "Dillard's law." She said yes. I then explained to her the difference between state law and store policy. And I took 8 items into the dressing room. Oh, and I didn't get arrested.

Brace-face

2008-09-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

I didn't wear my top retainer in high school, so my teeth are crooked now. (The discoloration on my front tooth is a result of my brother throwing a rock at me as a kid.) If I want straight teeth again, I have to get braces for a year. The cost is $3,000. I'm 30-years-old. Would you do it if you were me?

Congratulations Yasmien & Chris!!!

2008-09-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Chicago!

2008-09-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

Chicago Ideas

2008-08-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

We're going to be in Chicago for a wedding the weekend of Sep. 5-7. Anyone have any good ideas for fun stuff to do while we're there? We've already been to most of the museums, so we probably can skip those. We're thinking of going to Second City. Any other ideas?

I'm spinning. Oh-oh-oh, I'm spinning.

2008-08-26T08:51:00.001-07:00

The last 30 days have been absolutely crazy. I don't think I've watched more than an hour or two of TV the whole month. Those that know me know that's insane for me.

We closed on the house July 31st. So the whole week before that was spent dealing with appraisals, repairs, final walk-throughs, and contracts contracts contracts.

Since then, we've been packing, having utitlities switched, having hardwood floors put into the new place, having built-ins built, picking paint colors, painting, picking furniture, picking and moving mattresses, building furniture, waiting for stuff to be delivered, finding a pool guy, getting Jesse's immunizations, having his saxaphone repaired, buying school supplies, figuring out bus routes, etc. etc. etc. IT'S BEEN FREAKING CRAZY.

We finally had our big move-in day this past Saturday. And Jesse had his big first day of high school yesterday. The stressful days will continue for at least the next 30 days, I'm sure. We have to get our old place ready to sell and unpack at our new place. But at least we're halfway there now.

We brought the cats over to the new place last night too. That didn't go so well. Moka was so stressed during the car ride over, he wet himself in his cat carrier. So we had to dunk him in the tub almost immediately. Not a good way to spend his first hour at the new place. Poor traumatized kitty.

The cats are at home alone right now. I'm kind of scared to see what happens when I get home.

Don't rent a car from Budget

2008-08-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

Brian and I went down to rent a minivan this morning (so that we could haul a bunch of furniture back from Ikea). When we got there, they told us we couldn't rent a car with just a credit card and a photo ID -- we also needed a power bill showing we lived at the address on our ID's. Gee, thanks for failing to mention this when I made my reservation over the phone. They also informed us that the policy applied only to locals. Had we flashed an Oklahoma ID, we would've gotten out of there without a hitch.

So the lady asks, "Is there anyone at your house who can fax a copy of your power bill?" We were like, "Yeah, we'll have our home secretary get right on that.". What the heck is that? We would've loved to have walked away, but we had to get on the road and all the other rental places had huge lines.

They ended up accepting our car insurance card as proof, but only after a huge rigamarole involving three separate bonehead clerks. One attempted to justify the policy by explaining that locals are.transients. He tried to prove his point by asking Brian whether he was born and raised in Vegas. Unfortunately for the guy, Brian answered yes to both. So pretty much all he succeeded in doing was offending us even further. I was livid and went off on the guy. Am I missing something, or is this policy totally f'in lame? They are totally getting a nasty-gram from me.

Fancy That

2008-08-11T17:23:00.001-07:00

I guess Amazon.com censors the notes you send with gifts. We found out the hard way. Some of my college girlfriends and I got together to send our friend Maggie a car seat for her baby shower. Maggie got pregnant with her second child after she forgot to take her birth control pill. Here's what our intended card said:

Effective birthcontrol methods:
Up the butt;
Throwing it on your face;
Swallowing;
Taking your pill everyday.

Way to go whore.

-Happy baby from your bitches (Claudia, Erica, Jeanny & Leslie)

I have no idea why we got censored. There weren't even any curse words.

I should totally win an Oscar

2008-08-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

I was making small talk with a guy the other day and he asked if I had seen the opening ceremonies to the Olympics. I told him I hadn't. He said it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen, and that it should win an Academy Award.

That would be interesting, I thought. If the Academy Awards left one category open for just the coolest thing of the year -- any format. I would nominate this crazy ride at Legoland that looks like a giant robotic arm that throws people around. It's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. What's the most random thing you can think of to get an Academy Award?

Obama for my mama - now that's change I can believe in!

2008-08-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

So my mom hates Barack Obama. She pretty much thinks he's a terrorist. She was planning on voting for either McCain or not at all. She, however, LOVES herself some Hillary Clinton. She thinks Hillary is "the number one woman" ever. So when I heard Hillary was going to be in town campaigning for Obama, right across the street from my house, I just had to find a way to get my mom down there.

I really thought she was gonna get pissed when she saw the Obama signs. Here's my mom at an Obama rally... a picture I never thought I'd see. (The roses are for Hillary.)And here's her with her girlfriend Hillary:
With all the crowd's excitement over Obama, and with Dina Titus and Hillary Clinton telling my mom to vote for him, my mom got swept up. She clapped when they talked about Obama being president. I couldn't believe my eyes.

So now my mom is voting for Barack. It's not all wine and roses though. I found out later that she actually thinks he'll be assassinated and Hillary will get the white house that way. Whatever. As long as she votes Democrat.

No kitty, that's a bad kitty!

2008-08-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was crawling into bed when I noticed my side of the bed was wet. I moved the blanket and noticed my Burberry perfume bottle was part of the wet mess. Oh no, did it leak onto the bed? I picked up the bottle and sniffed it. Hmmm.... no powerful perfume smell. What could it be? Not having the best sense of smell, I woke up Brian to help me investigate. He confirmed immediately that it was cat piss. Enid strikes again.

Stupid cat. She picked the wrong time to piss on the bed. We're looking at $2,000-$4,000 mattresses to take to the new place right now. Essentially, we're at a cross roads. Do we take the retarded cat with us to the new place or send her to the glue factory?

Brian is terribly upset by the thought of giving her up. He keeps saying that it's like having a retarded kid. We just have an obligation to deal with it. But I disagree. She's a pet, not a human, and we've given her a great life for more than 7 years. Even our vet told us that most people would not keep a cat with so many behavioral problems. Besides, I think she'd get adopted right away anyway. She's very beautiful, and she might do better in a home with no children and no other cats. That's my theory anyway.

So that's where we're at. Should she stay or should she go?

Closing Time

2008-07-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

All the paperwork's been signed. We get our house on July 31st!

Comic-Con Weekend Celebrity Sightings

2008-07-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

This was our 5th Comic-Con experience, and I think it was our best. The crowds were still CRAZY, but this year we were ready for them, so it wasn't as bad.

Celebrity-wise, it was a super successful deal. I got tickets to meet Tori Amos first thing Thursday morning. Funny thing is, I didn't bother using them. They were for Saturday, and we had already planned to go to Legoland. Plus, I already met her 1.5 times before, and I already have tons of autographed stuff by her, including an autographed copy of her new comic book, so I decided to give Tori a miss. Can you believe it?

Here are the stars we did see:
Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan were there promoting the new Red Sonja. R.R. kept looking over at me while I was in line. I think he wanted to leave Rose for me like he did his first wife for Rose. We didn't have much time to chat though. The line was insane and they rushed me past. Just had time to grab a signed poster, snap a pic, and go. I swear they posed for me a lot better than this, my camera is just stupid and never takes the picture at the right time.

We stopped by to see a panel for Guy Ritchie's new movie, Rocknrolla. The panel featured Jeremy Piven, Gerard Butler, Joel Silver, Ludacris, and Guy Ritchie. Gerard Butler was super cute and funny.

During the Saturday TV Funhouse panel, we ran into these guys, Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel from Best Week Ever and Human Giant. They were really nice and let us take lots of pics.

This was probably the most unexpected celebrity sighting of all. Paris Hilton was there promoting this campy goth rock opera called Repo: The Genetic Opera. Yeah, she sings, and she's all gothed out, so it's really random. Even more random is that the little girl from Spy Kids is in it too.

And, like I said before, I won a lottery and got to meet the whole cast of Dr. Horrible, including the writers and director Joss Whedon:

And I got my Captain Hammer T-shirt signed by the whole cast. Woo-hoo!

The fun didn't stop at Comic-Con. We spotted Jennifer Connelly, Paul Bettany, and their kids at Legoland on Saturday.

We also spotted a 5-months-pregnant Allison Sweeney, host of the Biggest Loser. She was having a huge fight with her husband, so we didn't bother them.

All in all, a very fun, celebrity-packed weekend!

Comic Con update

2008-07-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

I got to meet the cast of Dr. Horrible!

Greetings from Comic-Con!

2008-07-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

Random celebrity sighting

2008-07-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

I was in court this morning waiting for my case to be called, and in walked Hunter Tylo. I guess she's suing the therapist who treated her 19-year-old son for a seizure disorder with acupuncture and holistic medicine. He had a seizure, fell into the family pool and drowned last year.

This courtroom is one of the most boring places in the world I can think of, so it definitely made things a little more interesting. She was prettier in person than in pictures. Anyway, it was kinda random to see her there.

We do the weird stuff...

2008-07-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

They're out of stock on Captain Hammer Groupie T-shirts online. Maybe they'll have some at Comic Con this week though.

That totally blows

2008-07-21T22:54:00.001-07:00

Guess who's going to be meeting fans at Comic Con this Saturday? My favorite singer, Tori Amos.

Guess who's only going to be at Comic Con on Thursday and Friday this year? That would be me. :-(

That Neil Patrick Harris Internet Musical

2008-07-18T23:03:00.001-07:00

Ok, so there's this thing. It's like a Youtube video, but it's got real actors in it, and it's a musical. And it's directed by Joss Whedon and it stars Neil Patrick Harris. It takes a few minutes to get going, but once it does, it's pretty funny. Especially Episode 2. Go check it out. I guess the next episode comes out Saturday, so that'll be cool.

I WISH I had that kind of willpower...

2008-07-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

My co-worker just told me I looked anorexic. Of course, this is the same guy that told my other co-worker she looked fat. I think it's equally rude to say either.

Anyway, I don't think I look anorexic. I think I have a medical condition that prevents me from storing fat on my arms and legs, but not in my ass and stomach. So now that I've lost my ass and stomach fat, people think I'm anorexic, but I'm not. Just fit for my body type, which will always be tall and lanky.

That's weird...

2008-07-15T09:36:00.001-07:00

My office smells like bologna. Not sure why. I don't eat bologna.

Gross.

You think he really was f*&king Ben Affleck?

2008-07-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so confused... On the other hand, I guess that means Sarah's free for some married, tall-chick experimentation on a tennis court, if you know what I mean.

Intervention Intervention

2008-07-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

I've cut back on TV a whole lot. In fact, I pretty much only watch one show exclusively. All the time. I think I'm addicted. It's called Intervention.

Each episode is pretty much the same. Basically, it shows addicts at their lowest lows. All kinds of addicts: bulimics, anorexics, alcoholics, crackheads, heroin addicts, meth addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, plastic surgery addicts, shopping addicts, pill poppers, etc.

It's usually some crazy ass sh*t I never imagined, like bulimics storing 30 pounds of vomit in ziplock bags in their closet, or anorexics "chewing and spitting" and surviving on 100 calories a day. Or, like, straight guys prostituting themselves for drug money or cleaning their syringes out in fast food toilets. Just crazy, unfathomable, rock-bottom type stuff.

So then it tells their childhood story. Usually some horrible thing happened to them that explains why they're so hellbent on numbing the pain.

Then the family stages an elaborate trap in order to surprise the addict (pretty much they tell them they're going to the Howard Johnson by the airport to tape their final interview - works every time, believe it or not). Then they all read letters telling him/her how messed up he/she is and threatening to disown him/her if he/she doesn't go to treatment. The addict usually wines and cries and yells. Then my favorite interventionist, Jeff VanVonderon does a Jedi mind trick, which convinces the addict to go to treatment (I've never seen that badass lose even one). Then the addict is immediately whisked away to a treatment center across the country.

Then comes the best part: the update. Brian acts like he doesn't like the show, but I know he enjoys guessing whether they'll even go to treatment and whether they'll relapse or stay sober. I'm no good at predicting the outcome. Even after having watched 75-100 episodes, I still can't tell who's going to succeed. But it's fun guessing nonetheless. Some of the transformations are amazing. It's pretty much the best makeover show ever. You should totally watch it.

I watch at least one episode a night on the Tivo. And I go online to read the most recent updates. I'm warning you though. If you ever ask me to meet you at the HoJo by the airport, I ain't goin'... unless Jeff VanVonderon is my interventionist. Then I'm totally there.

Dumb-Dumbs

2008-07-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

I heard this story on NPR yesterday about how high gas prices are forcing people to trade in their SUV's at dirt cheap prices. One guy bought his SUV not too long ago for $30,000. The used car dealership is offering him $11,000 for it. Then there's the guy who bought a Cadillac Escalade last year for $70,000. The dealership is offering him $31,000 for it now.

My first instinct was to laugh. Stupid people paying the consequences for stupid choices -- what better form of justice is there? Who buys a $70,000 car that gets 13 miles to the gallon anyway?

But then Brian made me feel guilty by saying it wasn't right to act superior. There was also another news story on immediately after saying we humans aren't designed to make good financial decisions anyway. I don't know. Sounds like a whole lot of rationalization to me.

Why can't I gloat about my old, paid off, economical Honda? They've been gloating about their ridiculously huge, over-priced, gas-guzzling, 2-parking-space-hogging, blind-spot-ridden, top-heavy SUV's for years. Not that I'm bitter. Whatever. I'm okay paying an extra $20 a month on gas so that I don't have to deal with as many of these monster trucks on the road.

One good point of the article was that these people might be taking a $40,000 hit, when, if they sat down and calculated it, the gas hit might only be like $1,000 a year. There they go again, making dumb-dumb decisions.

Sigh of Relief

2008-07-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, the contract for the house is finally signed. The purchase is a go. Escrow is set to close at the end of July. YAY!

Tell your dad to stop calling me!

2008-07-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

This made me ROFL! My friend Erica forwarded me this hilarious audio clip called Dmitri the Stud. I couldn't figure out how to put a windows media file on this blog, so I just searched YouTube and, voila! There it was, complete with a creative little slide show. I can't stop laughing when I hear this. Allegedly some chick gave this guy her number and these are the messages he left her.

Cute stuff kids say

2008-07-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

My baby nephew Andrew came over last night. He's so cute, I could just eat him up like a cupcake. Anyway, he's 3-years-old, and he's constantly saying the cutest, most clever stuff. Last night, he saw pictures of Moka and Enid on our shelf and said - "That's a picture of Moka. That's a picture of the white one too." I asked him, "What's the white one's name?" And he said, "The bad one." I did not correct him.

How come your mom wasn't at the gym?

2008-06-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

I have to admit. I was kind of excited to see Lady Hector at the gym tonight. We call her that because she's built like our building super at work, Hector.

So we were all excited for Lady Hector tonight, and then she didn't show. A few minutes into the class, the instructor remarked that Maria (aka Lady Hector) wasn't there to entertain the class tonight. Everyone immediately broke into laughter. Oh what a relief to finally talk about the pink elephant in the room. He was just so stoic when she was freaking on him last week. I was like, "Am I the only one seeing this?"

Anyway, I felt so inspired by Lady Hector's absent spirit that I threw down my weights and did a little hip-thrust, freak dance right there in front of the whole class. I know they appreciated it, because they laughed and laughed. One lady came up to me after class and complimented me on my Lady Hector impression. The first-timers must have thought I was just some random bat sh*t crazy tall lady who liked to randomly break out into sexy dance during the bicep portion of the class. They probably complained about me to the people at the front desk. I fully expect to be asked to leave at the beginning of next week's class.

:-)

Wall-E

2008-06-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

We went and saw Wall-E last night. I wasn't really excited to go see it, but it got good reviews and Brian wanted to go, so I said why not. Are you ready to hear the whole script of the movie? Here goes:

"Wall-E?"
"Eve-uh?"
"Wall-E"
"Eve-uh"
"Wall-E!"
"Eve-uh!"

And that's about it. Oh, wait. I mean, repeat 100 more times. Maybe I've just had my fill of lovable cartoon movies this summer. Maybe I set my expectations too high by reading good reviews right before going. Maybe I was just incensed by the repetitious dialogue. All I know is that I thought it was just okay. Not worth the hype. Not nearly as good as Kung Fu Panda, Iron Man, or Incredible Hulk. Final grade: B.

Almost as exciting as buying a house

2008-06-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

They're making an Arrested Development movie!! It's scheduled for release February of 2009. Can't hardly wait!

Halt!

2008-06-28T16:16:00.001-07:00

Hold the phone. There may be a holdup with the house. No celebrating for right now. Let's just wait a few days and see how it goes.

Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

2008-06-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

We bought a house! I mean, it's not a done deal yet, but it's pretty much a done deal. We'll formalize everything and go into escrow Monday. YAY!! Here are a few pics of the new digs: