HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLISON!!

Moka's Arch Nemesis

So there's this OTHER black kitty that hangs around outside. He looks just like Moka, only he's an outside kitty and Moka's an inside kitty. The cat likes to come up to the sliding glass door and say hello to Moka. Brian has always shooed the cat away, saying that he's only there to taunt Moka. I've always given the cat the benefit of the doubt and assumed he just wanted to make friends. WELL, it seems Brian was right about the little bastard...

Yesterday, we were cleaning out the garage. We had the backdoor of Brian's SUV open to load stuff to take to Goodwill. Moka's arch nemesis came around after a while to see what we were doing. That was fine. Until the cat jumped into Brian's car. Brian went over and got the cat out of his trunk. He put it down and told it to shoo. Then the little turd went over to Brian's tire, sprayed it with urine, and ran off. Anyone who says cats are not vindinctive creatures is in denial. Piece of crap. That cat is getting a spray of water to the face next time I see it. And probably a phone call to the HOA.

State of the Cladeedah

Yeah yeah, I know all the pretentious bloggers out there talk trash about these kinds of posts, but so what. If you haven't noticed, this blog is not general interest. It's about me. So State of the Cladeedah posts are part of the deal. This one's for Allison, who complains that I don't blog enough.

Last Tuesday we met with our financial planner. It was the meeting where we told him how we spend our money. He laughed at us. I think it was somewhere between the $100 a month for action figures and the $5,000 we spent last year on the cat's medical bills when he finally lost it. I'm not mad. I know we are bad. It was just embarassing to have to say it out loud.

Thursday I went to a funeral. I hate funerals. It was my boss'. He had cancer. Not a whole lot to say about it.

Friday we went out and saw Babel. We took my 12-year-old nephew. As a joke, when we bought the tickets, we asked for 3 tickets for "Babar." You know, the elephant cartoon? The ticket guys looked at my nephew and asked whether I knew that it was rated R. We said yes, got the tickets and went in. Holy crap, they weren't messing around with that R-rating though, were they? The movie was alright. I don't think it's the best picture of 2006. Not as good as others I've seen, for sure. But decent.

Saturday I got my hair dyed again. It's pretty red right now. Hopefully it will fade a little bit.

The rest of the weekend we just spent with family. Oh, and I finally saw Snakes on a Plane today. It was easily the worst movie I've ever seen. It had no creative merit at all whatsoever. You could probably guess that. But just in case you had any doubts.

Mmm... my ding ding dong

Holy crap, I think this guy is for real. Ok, so the other night I was watching Beauty and the Geek, and they kept playing this bizarro song that got stuck in my head the rest of the week. Finally tonight, Brian and I searched for it online and struck internet gold. Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you Swedish singing sensation, Gunther. Definitely spend a few minutes looking over his myspace profile. It's well-worth the time investment. And thank you dear Lord Baby Jesus, there is also a music video. Make sure you watch until the end. That's where the money shot is.

This Party's Dead Anyway

We took a tour of the coroner's office today for one of our new programs. I almost didn't go into the freezer, but I didn't want to be the only one in my group to wimp out, so I went in.

The smell is the first thing you notice. It smells like a butcher's shop, only it's more of a rotting meat smell mixed with some fishiness. It's extremely pungeant. I can still smell it in my hair and I was only in there a few minutes. The bodies aren't kept in drawers the way they are on TV. Instead, it's a big, cold room with the bodies lined up on gurneys. The bodies are mostly covered except for the blue frozen feet that stick out with the toe tags on them.

As soon as I walked into the room, physiology took over. My whole body tensed up. I couldn't move. I started breathing erratically. I got dizzy. I thought I was going to pass out. The whole time I just kept telling myself not to pass out, that it'd be over any second. I would never be able to live it down at work if I passed out.

When they tried taking us deeper into the freezer where they kept the miscellaneous body-parts, I stayed put. Rows of blue feet were pretty much all I could take. Plus, I don't think I could move, even if I wanted to. At one point, a door behind me opened suddenly and I jumped. I don't know why. I was just so on-edge. It was like being in a haunted house.

The rest of the program was held in a classroom. We saw a lot of grizzly car accident photos. All the way home, I was crazy paranoid that I was going to get into a horrible car accident. Which is something I worry about all the time anyway, but this just made it 300% worse.

So, yeah, it was an interesting day at the office.

Officer Man-beautiful...

...came to court today for the first time in a long time. He said hi to me in this weird way that made me think my secret crush had been revealed. It made me super-embarassed. My co-workers said I was reading too much into his hello. I still think I'm right on the money.

Later on in the day, my co-workers played a trick on me. They said he was hitting on one of our really cute victim advocates after court. I totally didn't believe it, but still. The fact that they tried to scare me is so mean. Not that this crush is at all serious. It's just a fun, girlie past-time. (We are both very happily married people.) Just that I don't want to pretend-crush on someone who's real-crushing on my victim advocate, that's all.

Ok, that is pretty cool.

I'm not sure if other credit card companies do this. It's the first time I've seen it. Discover lets you pick your credit card design from hundreds of choices. I picked this one cuz I like giraffes. I also picked another clear, funky dots pattern. You can pick as many different card designs as you want. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Brian wondered why a credit card company would spend so much money doing such a thing. To me, it was obvious. I'm sure Discover is looking for any reason they can give customers to pass up that Visa and Mastercard and use the Discover. I'm personally more likely to reach for this card now that it's got the positive connotation of my favorite animal. And since Discover gives a pretty good cashback bonus, there's no good reason not to.

The Good Shepherd

We went to see The Good Shepherd on Saturday. I didn't like it. In part, I wasn't prepared for a three-hour movie. But I also think that if you're going to keep me in a movie theatre for three hours, there better be a damn good reason, and this movie just didn't justify that type of time commitment. I thought Angelina Jolie was terribly miscast. The story wasn't tight enough. The pacing was waaaaaaay too slow. There were too many simultaneous plotlines. And too many unnecessary characters that felt like Robert DeNiro was just trying to fit all of his friends into the film (including himself). The worst part was that there was no payoff for all of your attentiveness. I read a review afterward that said this movie left you wanting to see a better spy movie. That's exactly how I felt about it. Luckily, the trailers previewed two new spy movies coming out soon. Maybe one of them will be better.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

We watched Pan's Labyrinth last weekend. It _is_ as good as they say. It's a Spanish film, so look for it for sure in the foreign film category at the Oscars. Maybe even in the best actress category for the 11-year-old lead. Here's an interview with the director. It's definitely one to check out when it comes out in your area.

Those darn Boy Scouts

I always knew it was some kind of lawless street gang.

Boy Scouts Set Utah Wildfire

This song's always stuck in my head.

Close Call

I almost got in an accident today in the Costco parking lot. It would've been her fault, but it still would have sucked. Somehow I was able to stop my car in time. Which surprises me, cuz my brakes kinda suck. I thought for sure I was going to hit her.

Beauty and the Geek

...is my new favorite TV show. I love love love how nerdy the guys on the show are. They are so endearing. And the girls are so ditsy, it's hilarious. Brian and I like to play along with the contestants on the quiz challenge at the end of every show. He tries to answer the questions on fashion and pop culture along with the geeks and I try to answer the questions about politics and aeronautics alongside the beauties. It's actually pretty funny how geeky he is and how ditsy I am.

Does that make me racist?

The other day, I was walking out of the front lobby of my office, and this guy is standing right in front of the exit doors, staring at me. As I get close to him/the exit, he says to me: "Keshia?"

I was like, "No, sorry," and just kept going. But it kinda perplexed me. Isn't Keshia usually a black girl name? Do I really look like a Keshia? Then I felt bad. Was this guy just, like, totally progressive and I'm this stereotyping bigot for thinking it was a silly question?

Typhoid Cladeedah

The last two weeks, a bunch of people have been coming in to work sick. One day, we had 4 sick people all at once coughing and hacking and sniffling and snotting up their germs everywhere. I did not hesitate to give them crap about coming in. When they denied they were contagious or that they would get anyone else sick, I sent them each a link to this Wikipedia article about Typhoid Mary.

Basically, Typhoid Mary was this lady who was a dormant carrier of the Typhoid Fever virus. She refused to quit her job as a cook because she was in denial. She used fake names and got hired over and over again, infecting people every bit of the way. She infected 47 people, 3 of whom died. Ultimately, she died alone in forced quarantine. Yeah, sad story. Except for that the stubborn broad wouldn't have had to die alone if she'd just stayed home from work or become a telemarketer or something.

So now thanks to all the Typhoid Marys at work, I'm now sick as a dog. I have 3 huge trials tomorrow that I HAVE TO do. We're already one attorney down this week, and I can't continue these cases anymore. So it looks like I'm pulling a reverse Typhoid Mary on all those bastards that got me sick. Sorry guys, I ain't proud, but you did bring it upon yourselves.

Apparently, I suck

This was supposed to be my New Year's resolutions blogpost, but then, as I was making my list, I realized that this year's list is not at all different from last year's. So I'm just going to keep the same list and note my progress where applicable. Here's my scorecard one year later:

1. Stop talking on the cell phone on the drive home from work. (I actually did pretty good with this one. I talk on the phone maybe once every two weeks now.)
2. Make a budget and stick to it. (We didn't do so well here. With the cat getting sick, it was hard to stick to a budget. Christmas was a killer too. But this month we're hiring a financial planner, so hopefully I'll do better this year.)
3. Buy a house. (Does it count if we returned it during the opt-out period? No, for real. This year, HOUSE!)
4. Finish my estate administration duties. (I'm just going to hire someone. It's obvious I can't do this.)
5. Go to bed every night by 10:30. (Not doing so well with this one.)
6. Visit the gym at least three times a week. (So far, so good.)
7. Get to work at 7am, NOT 7:30. (This one may have actually gotten worse.)
8. Do something interesting and different with my hair this year. (I dyed it red at one point. The people at work freaked. Everyone else said it wasn't that different. I think this year I'll cut it or else get bangs.)
9. Clean out the garage. (25% done baby!)
10. Eat breakfast before work. (Ha.)
11. Get invisalign braces. (Maybe next year.)
12. Get the damn tooth implant that I've been too scared to get. (Got the referral today.)
13. Keep the dishes clean. (Doing a little better.)
14. Watch the Netflix I've had for over 6 months, or else just cancel the damn subscription. (Cancelled baby!)
15. Finish reading those stupid books (Gave up. Too many magazines, too little time.)
16. Stop blogging/playing on the internet at work. (Done!)
17. Watch less TV in order to get all of the above done. (Done, surprisingly.)
18. Have a notebook handy at all times and actually jot down good ideas and interesting dreams. (Done, but never used.)

Sac 'n Crack Update

This is a bit overdue. Please accept my late entry. So David finally went and got his Sac 'n Crack done. Here is a paraphrasing of my interview w/ him:

1. What position or positions were required? Two. Missionary and Doggie-style.
2. How much did they take off? Waist to waist (gesturing front to back)
3. Did you splurge and purchase the $5 numbing cream? Yes. (Lame!)
4. Was the $70 gift certificate sufficient to cover your needs? Yes. (Thanks for the advice, David's exes!)
5. Did it hurt? Yes. It was intermittent spurts of "blinding" pain.
6. What did the lady say who did it (if anything)? She was really nice. A good balance of comforting and professional.
7. Are you going to keep it maintained? Why or why not? No. Too expensive and too painful.
8. Does it feel different? Yes. It's definitely a new experience.
9. Overall, are you glad you did it? Yes. It's something that every man should try at least once.

So there you have it. See? I'm not mean. He liked his present. Every man should have one. Valentine's Day is just around the corner ladies...

New Year, New Template

I always liked this one better anyway.

Not blogging is actually a good sign.

It means I'm having too much fun doing other stuff. The last two weeks have been crazy. The week between Christmas & New Year's, we went out every night. In that time, we saw Cirque Du Soleil Love at the Mirage and the Phantom of the Opera Spectacular at the Venetian.

Love was amazing. It was less acrobatic than some of the other Cirque shows though, focusing instead on dancing, costumes, and really cool art direction. It's now my second favorite Cirque show (after Ka). I gotta say, the Cirque shows have never let me down.

Phantom, on the other hand, was dumb. It was so cheesy, I laughed out loud in some parts that I don't think were meant to be funny. Apparently, the Vegas version cuts out a lot of the character development for the Phantom and his relationship with Christine. So I had no love for the Phantom. I thought he was a loser, and being deformed didn't justify his being a stalker. I didn't really care too much about Christine either, actually. The singing in the show was good and all, I just thought the story and the art direction on the show were lame. Oh well.

I gotta get back to work now. I'll try to be better about the blogging, I swear. In the meantime, did you hear that the OC just got cancelled???? Feel free to discuss.