Wanna know a secret?

I'm listening to Creed on Pandora, and I like it.

It's possible that I may have also attended a Creed concert before in my life.

I may have also held hands with Scott Stapp from the audience.

Shaved Pussy

We got our cat Enid shaved last weekend.  Here are a couple BEFORE pictures:

And here are a couple AFTER pictures:

I think it's super cute.  She was just getting too nappy and unkempt. Hopefully she'll appreciate the short do in the upcoming summer months.  

What the f*ck?

This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Ever.

Reno 411

I'm back from visiting my college bitchez! We had such an awesome time together. Let's see, we had drunken mani-pedis, sushi, shopping, movies, and a cuddle party. It was awesome to pick right back up where we left off. It's hard to believe we've known each other for 12 years now. (Actually, I've known Leslie for 21 years, but she's the exception - everyone else is 12.)

I think the secret to our long-lasting bond is the fact that we all revert back to acting like vulgar little boys when we're together. Which brings me to my favorite part of the weekend. You see, each time I see my bitchez, I learn new, horrible, vulgar things I never knew before. Just when I think I've heard it all, they manage to shock and appall. We all contribute something. Here's what I learned this weekend:

Prairie Doggin' - Reference definitions 1, 2 and 4.

Gunt

And, last but not least: FUPA

I, too, contributed by imparting my knowledge of "Superman" and "Robocop." I also got to teach the girls about merkins!

Friendships that run this deep don't come around too often, so I'm grateful for my girls. Here's a bonus one for today - in honor of my bitchez:

Tony Danza

You can check out photos of our weekend shenanigans here.

Lesson #632: Low-rise jeans call for a good belt and a pair of low-rise thongs

Friday night we went to our favorite Japanese restaurant in Chinatown for dinner. This chick was sitting at the sushi bar directly across from me like this all night. We contemplated saying something to her, but then decided the best thing for everyone would be if we just made fun of her behind her back.

Mmm... my ding ding dong

Holy crap, I think this guy is for real. Ok, so the other night I was watching Beauty and the Geek, and they kept playing this bizarro song that got stuck in my head the rest of the week. Finally tonight, Brian and I searched for it online and struck internet gold. Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you Swedish singing sensation, Gunther. Definitely spend a few minutes looking over his myspace profile. It's well-worth the time investment. And thank you dear Lord Baby Jesus, there is also a music video. Make sure you watch until the end. That's where the money shot is.

This Party's Dead Anyway

We took a tour of the coroner's office today for one of our new programs. I almost didn't go into the freezer, but I didn't want to be the only one in my group to wimp out, so I went in.

The smell is the first thing you notice. It smells like a butcher's shop, only it's more of a rotting meat smell mixed with some fishiness. It's extremely pungeant. I can still smell it in my hair and I was only in there a few minutes. The bodies aren't kept in drawers the way they are on TV. Instead, it's a big, cold room with the bodies lined up on gurneys. The bodies are mostly covered except for the blue frozen feet that stick out with the toe tags on them.

As soon as I walked into the room, physiology took over. My whole body tensed up. I couldn't move. I started breathing erratically. I got dizzy. I thought I was going to pass out. The whole time I just kept telling myself not to pass out, that it'd be over any second. I would never be able to live it down at work if I passed out.

When they tried taking us deeper into the freezer where they kept the miscellaneous body-parts, I stayed put. Rows of blue feet were pretty much all I could take. Plus, I don't think I could move, even if I wanted to. At one point, a door behind me opened suddenly and I jumped. I don't know why. I was just so on-edge. It was like being in a haunted house.

The rest of the program was held in a classroom. We saw a lot of grizzly car accident photos. All the way home, I was crazy paranoid that I was going to get into a horrible car accident. Which is something I worry about all the time anyway, but this just made it 300% worse.

So, yeah, it was an interesting day at the office.

Does that make me racist?

The other day, I was walking out of the front lobby of my office, and this guy is standing right in front of the exit doors, staring at me. As I get close to him/the exit, he says to me: "Keshia?"

I was like, "No, sorry," and just kept going. But it kinda perplexed me. Isn't Keshia usually a black girl name? Do I really look like a Keshia? Then I felt bad. Was this guy just, like, totally progressive and I'm this stereotyping bigot for thinking it was a silly question?

Sac 'n Crack Update

This is a bit overdue. Please accept my late entry. So David finally went and got his Sac 'n Crack done. Here is a paraphrasing of my interview w/ him:

1. What position or positions were required? Two. Missionary and Doggie-style.
2. How much did they take off? Waist to waist (gesturing front to back)
3. Did you splurge and purchase the $5 numbing cream? Yes. (Lame!)
4. Was the $70 gift certificate sufficient to cover your needs? Yes. (Thanks for the advice, David's exes!)
5. Did it hurt? Yes. It was intermittent spurts of "blinding" pain.
6. What did the lady say who did it (if anything)? She was really nice. A good balance of comforting and professional.
7. Are you going to keep it maintained? Why or why not? No. Too expensive and too painful.
8. Does it feel different? Yes. It's definitely a new experience.
9. Overall, are you glad you did it? Yes. It's something that every man should try at least once.

So there you have it. See? I'm not mean. He liked his present. Every man should have one. Valentine's Day is just around the corner ladies...

Go JT.

Wow. Now I know exactly what I want for Xmas. (Hint hint, Brian.) This is not safe for work, I'd say.

I got to say it was a good day...

Today I didn't even have to use my AK. Yesterday is an altogether different story. We went shooting with Brad. It was freezing, so I stayed in the car and gossiped for the most part, but I did get out a few times and shoot a rifle, a 357 Magnum, and an AK-47. Here are the pics from my camera. Brad has way more.