That lying, scheming Neil Patrick Harris!!

I had a dream last night that Neil Patrick Harris kept trying to makeout with me, but I kept turning him down, explaining that I was married. The next morning at work, I found out that NPH was going around spreading rumors that we had hooked up. I woke up this morning all mad, like, "That lying Neil Patrick Harris!!!"

Wet Dreams Really Do Come True

What is my obsession with boys named Edward? First, I was "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with Edward from Twilight. (No need to reiterate -- you guys know how bad it got.) And now, just when I think it's safe to think about guys named Edward, the lead singer of Live, Ed *EFFING* Kowalczyk, goes and flirts with me, lets me kiss him, AND PRACTICALLY ASKS ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!

If I sound a little excited, it's because I am. I'm listening to Live as I type this. The guy I just kissed is singing to me. Crazy times. Anyway, onto the greatest love story ever told....

So I went to the Live concert tonight at the Palazzo pool. It was like 5 of my favorite things all at once -- my "Friday," my payday, booze, Las Vegas at night, and Live (the band!)!

Well, the show was fantabulous, as always. Love love love them. Here's me like 12 feet from Ed, who is pictured in various stages of undress (or Eddie, as his friends -- which would include me -- call him):



So after the concert, we headed over to the poolside club, and who do I run into but Brazilian Marcia from Rock of Love Bus & Charm School?! Here's her and me, BFFs FOREVER:


She was so, SO nice. And so much smaller and prettier in real life than she is on the show. She must've stopped drinking for good, because she looked really skinny. We chatted about the other girls on the show, about how she lives in Vegas now, where she works-- BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY...

THE POINT IS, a little while later, Ed came in.

A crowd gathered around him. A bunch of short bitchez went up and attacked him and, the entire time, he just kept looking over at me and smiling. I'm not kidding. I was standing in front of him, a bunch of skanks were fluttering about, and he just kept looking at me. It was like a dream.

So I just went on up, cast the other bitchez aside, and gave him a great big hug. As I did so, I told him: "I'm 6'5", to answer your question. I saw you staring at me just now wondering." He seemed flabbergasted... in a good way. He said he thought I was standing on something. (Yeah yeah, I get that shit all the time, anywayz...)... Then we took a quick pic -- here:

Right after we took this photo, he leaned over and said to me, "6'5' is wonderful."

((record scratch))

I was like, "I'M SORRY, WHAT????"

And so he repeated it: "All 6'5" of you is wonderful." Oh shit. Panty pudding. He was looking me up and down as he said it too. Oh shit.

So then I poured my heart out to him. I said, "You know, I used to always say that if I could just marry your voice, I would. Just your voice. If I married your voice, I would be one happy housewife." He smiled and said, "That's very poetic."

AND THEN HE WHISPERED IN MY EAR: "My voice is single." Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

And then I did what any classy, married lady would do in that situation. I giggled, pulled away, and said, "Anytime, anywhere."

OH SHIT.

Then my friend Alexis tapped me on the shoulder and asked to get a picture, so I asked him to take one with her. I took a way better picture of them than she took of us. Not that I'm bitter. (Ok, I am):


Anyway, then I felt bad for talking to him for like an hour while all the other skanks watched in jealousy, so I decided to let him go. But not before I hugged him again... and kissed him on the cheek.

Ho-ly crap. I just kissed my biggest rock star crush ever on the cheek. Life is amazing.

Weird Dream

I had a dream this morning that Brian turned into a vampire and wanted to kill me. He had his hands around my throat at one point, trying to kill me or pin me or something, and I looked at him and said, "I know the real Brian is in there somewhere, and I know he would never kill me." The real Brian then came through for a second and fought off the vampire urge to kill me. He let me go and told me to run away. He couldn't hold off his homicidal urges for very long.

As I ran for the door, I realized that me escaping was no resolution at all. I would never see him again. So I went back and told him to just kill me - that I'd rather be dead than be away from him. He then grabbed me from behind. As I was standing there waiting for him to rip out my throat, his grip turned into an embrace and he turned human again. Seeing as how I was all prepared to die and everything, I was kind of surprised. I was like, "Wait a sec, did our love just cure you?" and Brian was all, "Yeah, I guess so." And then we were all happy and made out.

WEIRD!