Wet Dreams Really Do Come True

What is my obsession with boys named Edward? First, I was "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with Edward from Twilight. (No need to reiterate -- you guys know how bad it got.) And now, just when I think it's safe to think about guys named Edward, the lead singer of Live, Ed *EFFING* Kowalczyk, goes and flirts with me, lets me kiss him, AND PRACTICALLY ASKS ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!

If I sound a little excited, it's because I am. I'm listening to Live as I type this. The guy I just kissed is singing to me. Crazy times. Anyway, onto the greatest love story ever told....

So I went to the Live concert tonight at the Palazzo pool. It was like 5 of my favorite things all at once -- my "Friday," my payday, booze, Las Vegas at night, and Live (the band!)!

Well, the show was fantabulous, as always. Love love love them. Here's me like 12 feet from Ed, who is pictured in various stages of undress (or Eddie, as his friends -- which would include me -- call him):



So after the concert, we headed over to the poolside club, and who do I run into but Brazilian Marcia from Rock of Love Bus & Charm School?! Here's her and me, BFFs FOREVER:


She was so, SO nice. And so much smaller and prettier in real life than she is on the show. She must've stopped drinking for good, because she looked really skinny. We chatted about the other girls on the show, about how she lives in Vegas now, where she works-- BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY...

THE POINT IS, a little while later, Ed came in.

A crowd gathered around him. A bunch of short bitchez went up and attacked him and, the entire time, he just kept looking over at me and smiling. I'm not kidding. I was standing in front of him, a bunch of skanks were fluttering about, and he just kept looking at me. It was like a dream.

So I just went on up, cast the other bitchez aside, and gave him a great big hug. As I did so, I told him: "I'm 6'5", to answer your question. I saw you staring at me just now wondering." He seemed flabbergasted... in a good way. He said he thought I was standing on something. (Yeah yeah, I get that shit all the time, anywayz...)... Then we took a quick pic -- here:

Right after we took this photo, he leaned over and said to me, "6'5' is wonderful."

((record scratch))

I was like, "I'M SORRY, WHAT????"

And so he repeated it: "All 6'5" of you is wonderful." Oh shit. Panty pudding. He was looking me up and down as he said it too. Oh shit.

So then I poured my heart out to him. I said, "You know, I used to always say that if I could just marry your voice, I would. Just your voice. If I married your voice, I would be one happy housewife." He smiled and said, "That's very poetic."

AND THEN HE WHISPERED IN MY EAR: "My voice is single." Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

And then I did what any classy, married lady would do in that situation. I giggled, pulled away, and said, "Anytime, anywhere."

OH SHIT.

Then my friend Alexis tapped me on the shoulder and asked to get a picture, so I asked him to take one with her. I took a way better picture of them than she took of us. Not that I'm bitter. (Ok, I am):


Anyway, then I felt bad for talking to him for like an hour while all the other skanks watched in jealousy, so I decided to let him go. But not before I hugged him again... and kissed him on the cheek.

Ho-ly crap. I just kissed my biggest rock star crush ever on the cheek. Life is amazing.

Could it really be?

Oh fate, please don't toy with my emotions: Creed Reunion Taking Shape.

OMG!

We put an offer in on a house last night. It's so nerve-racking! It's a foreclosure, so there are multiple bids. You don't know what other people are bidding and you don't know whether your offer is good enough until it gets rejected and someone else's gets accepted. We're totally psyching ourselves out. Should we go $20k more? $40k more? Are we just overthinking it and throwing money away or is there another couple who wants an old house with a pool and an open floor plan in that area as bad as we do? So scary...

Anyway, here's a bad picture of the house at issue. The street view on google maps is way better. Email me and I'll give you the address. I don't want to post it here.

I'm okay, you're okay.

Healthy-eating-wise, this last week and a half has really sucked for me. It all started with Brian's Christmas party, which was catered and offered only fancy, delicious, mystery appetizers and alcohol. Then came our Christmas party, and all the tamales, Popeye's chicken, BBQ beef sandwiches, macaroons, cookies, and other crap our lovely friends brought to share.

Christmas day was a bad, bad scene. We had traditional Mexican food - more tamales, enchiladas, chile relleno, flan. Then came New Year's eve - lots of beer and salsa verde Doritos to be had there. And then there was New Year's Day. Apparently it's good luck to have black-eyed peas, cabbage (or greens), and pork on the first of the year. It brings prosperity. Who can say no to that? So I had some of that, and a little more. All I know is that the cabbage was sauteed in bacon fat. Who knows what the rest was cooked in.

So for all my unhealthy eating, I was PETRIFIED at my weigh-in today. To my surprise, all of that (plus more I didn't mention) only added up to a one-pound weight-gain. Not bad. That brings my total weight loss so far back down to 7 lbs. Whatever, no biggie.

The good news is that I'm super-amped to get back on track now that the fatty decadent holidays are behind me. We even bought bikes to help us get healthy. YAY! I can't wait till they come in. We are going to have so much fun!

OMG, that was SO gay.

We went to the True Colors Tour last night. For all you link-o-phobics, that's the tour in support of homo, lesbo, and trannie equality. Those gays really know how to put on a show, lemme tell ya. Even Brian, who had no interest in any of the acts, had a good time. Here's how it went down...

My primary reason for going was because I love love love the song Good Day by the Dresden Dolls. They mostly do East Coast shows, so this was one of the only opportunities I'd have to see them. All I wanted was to hear that one song. I paid $250 for two seats on the floor, to see that one song.

I didn't get to hear or see that one song. Although the web site suggested they'd be the second or third opening act, they were actually the first. The show started at 8pm. We got there at 8:15pm. They were well into their third song. They only played two more songs while we were there, and while the songs were spectacular (Coin-Operated Boy & Girl Anachronism), they were not Good Day.

"Why is my life such a Greek tragedy?," I wondered. I had to find out for-sure whether either of the first two songs were my song. I asked a couple of people, but no one could tell me for sure. Then the Dresden Dolls announced they'd be meeting fans by the merchandise table.

HO-LY CRAP. I forgot my digital camera. WHY THE F@CK IS MY LIFE SUCH A GREEK TRAGEDY???

So we ended up meeting the band. Amanda Palmer was really nice, though I think she may have been under the influence of something cuz she asked me what city we were in. Whatever. She was nice. The guy, Brian Viglione was a bit cooler. Cooler like stand-offish, not cooler like badass. But they were nice enough to sign our tickets and a tank top I got and take pictures with us, so as far as I'm concerned he was nice too. Plus, he confirmed that they at no time performed Good Day that night. OH THANK GOODNESS! (I don't think he understood why I was so happy.) I asked some guy there to take our picture and email it to me. He said he'd send it next Wednesday. (fingers-crossed)

So even though I didn't get to hear my song, I did get to meet the artists, which was really cool. Oh, I forgot to mention that Amanda really does have crazy squiggly lines tattooed as eyebrows. And she grows her armpit hair super-long like a man. So that was pretty interesting to see up close. We had to miss the Indigo Girls to meet the band, but that's okay.

The rest of the show went like this...

Deborah Harry was surreal. (She'll be 62 next month). It felt like we were watching Florence Henderson rock out. Except each time she would move a little like she was getting into the music, she would stop like her hip was hurting or like her vertigo was setting in. It did not help her rock n' roll image that she had a Florence Henderson haircut and performed in capri pants and a white, collared, button-up shirt. Poor thing just seemed confused. She was the only one that didn't come back out at the end of it all for the big finale. We figured she fell asleep backstage or something. Poor thing.

Margaret Cho was hilarious. Rosie O'Donnell was hilarious.

Erasure was the super-ultra-gayest band ever. And by that, I mean they were super-ultra-fabulous. I had no idea they were the official gay-anthem band. (Famous gay anthoms include Take a Chance on Me, Respect, and Oh L'amour.) They definitely brought out the go-go boy in all of us.

Cyndi Lauper (she'll be 54 this month) was really cool. She was the opposite of Debbie Harry. Still highly energetic and bubbly, still modern and fun. Of course the place went crazy when she did Girls Just Want to Have Fun (w/ Rosie O'Donnell on the drums). And I totally called the weepy closing number with all the bands on-stage holding hands and singing True Colors. It was nice anyway.

Even though I didn't get to hear my one song, I definitely feel like I got my money's worth. Go to the HRC website to read about what that group's doing try and make the world less hateful toward the gays.