Super-quick review of Le Reve

So yeah, last night we went and saw La Reve at the Wynn. I didn't like it. Brian's mom did. Basically, I thought it was a big rip-off of all the other strip shows out right now, and it made no inventive leap. It even had those two homoerotic guys that hold each other up in weird positions from Mystere!! So for the first time vegas-show-goer, I'm sure it's great. For me, it was lame.

I hated that it had no story, which is just a personal preference. Also there was too much going on all over the place to follow all of it. Apparently I missed the lesbian orgies portion of it! Damn those captivating trapeze people drawing my attention up to the sky!! Granted, the theme is "a collection of dreams," but I think that's sort of a big cop-out excuse for not having to think of a creative way to incorporate random acrobatics with gibbering french-men, kooky costumes and a cool set.

Nit-picky-wise, I also hated that people kept jumping into the water. It sorta made me wince inside each time someone jumped in - like damn, it's cold, why they gotta be jumping into the water fully clothed?? And man, they just put that new dry outfit on, now they're going to get it wet?? What a waste! So that was stupid, but it did bother me.

So yeah, bottom line - it was the formulaic romantic comedy of Vegas strip shows. All the elements were there for it to be good (expensive set, talented acrobats, cool costumes, silly gibbering comic relief), but it didn't manage to carve it's own niche. Money is better spent on Ka.

Real Quick -

No time to blog!! Wedding less than a week away!! Aggh! Here's a real quick weekend update:

Friday - went to the corn maze and it was fun, though not the best corn maze I've been to.

Saturday was the boys' Halloween party. Apparently recreational lesbianism and recreational boobie shots are out and recreational homosexuality and man-nipple shots are IN.. See pics here and more here.

Today we are cleaning, attaching bells to wedding favors, and going to see La Reve.

Psychophobia: The Conclusion

So the chick at work who sent me the crazy card and I finally had it out. She bawled for like an hour and we went back and forth about how the misunderstanding came about. FINALLY, she admitted that the reason she was so upset was because she was hurt that I didn't invite her to my bridal shower and wedding. Ah-haaaa.... it all makes sense now. At that point, I didn't feel bad for her. This guest list has given me more stress and drama than any other part of this wedding. People need to chill the fuck out - especially her.

Which Muppet Are You?

From Sweetcoalminer's blog.. I don't know how they got this one for me though.


You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"
FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Things I can and can't live without

Don't you hate it when stuff you love gets into the toilet and you have to make the decision whether it's worth going after? Once I swallowed one of my tooth crowns. They cost about $500 to have re-molded, plus the cost of having it put in. Once it had made its way through my digestive tract, I thought about whether I should "go in after it," but ultimately decided it wasn't worth $500 to put a crap-crown back in my mouth.

So last night, I was relaxing on the pot, doing my business while perusing the latest issue of Star Magazine, when my silver Tiffany's bracelet somehow got unclasped and fell into the toilet! OH CRAP! (literally!) So I had to make the choice - say goodbye or go in after it. I decided to go in after it. It's still soaking in its antibacterial soap bath now. I'll probably put it in the dishwasher next and then soak it overnight in jewelry cleaner after that...

Oh yeah, today's my birthday, which is kinda weird since I got that Tiffany's bracelet for my birthday two years ago. Happy Birthday to me from Tiffany's again, I guess.

Is there a word for being scared of crazies?

If so, I think I'm it. Psychophobe, maybe?

So there's this lady at work, we'll call her Cybil, who I've always thought had some issues but she was always been cool w/ me, so we never had any problems. Until yesterday..

I walk into my office and see a card on my chair. "Oh how nice, someone got me a card," I thought. I open it, and there's a rose on the cover and a poem, and I don't read it, I just go right into the card. It's typed. It starts out about what a good attorney I am, and I'm like "Awe, how nice." BUT THEN, it turned into this crazy "I thought we were friends but now I know we're not" nonsense, where Cybil explains that I must think she's terrible at her job, and how it was over b/t her and me and I should talk to her supervisor if I have a problem w/ her job performance. WUH??

The whole thing was so bizarre and out of left field. First, even if I had said she did a crappy job (which I didn't), why would she write me a freak card with a freak poem on the front (The poem was about a friend who ripped out her heart) instead of talking to me about it like a normal person? And why would the point of the card be to tell me we're not friends, have a nice life, bridge burned. From a simple common sense perspective, I am not just someone she has to work with every day, but also someone with supervisory authority over her. I sat on her job interview panel, for goodness' sake! BAD MOVE, LADY! USE YOUR NOGGIN'!

The other thing is that the remark Cybil got SO offended over was SO minor and had nothing to do w/ her job performance! For the last couple weeks, I've been helping her argue for a raise based on a technicality in our office's union contract. Not merit - a technicality. She's not a union member, so we were trying to figure out how to get her the same raise. Again, the raise is based on a technical clause in a union contract and not at all on performance.

Well, the boss was adament that he wasn't going to give her the raise b/c she's not union, but then ultimatley changed his mind about it. So the day she got it, I congratulated her and asked her how the meeting went and what she said to change the boss's mind.. So she told me all about it, and I made A JOKE about all this nice stuff she had said to the boss during a staff meeting on a different day. I said all that brown-nosing must have paid off. JOKE. At the time, she laughed it off, said it wasn't like that and she was sincere about what she'd said to him. And then we moved onto other informal chit-chat. She did not halt the converation and say she took offense. We just kept chatting. Then the next morning I got the card. Since giving me the card, she has not said anything about it and has just been acting like the card thing never happened, which I also think is weird.

::SIGH:: So now I'm trying to figure out how to be diplomatic about the situation, even though my instinct is to stay the hell away from her because she's crazy and I'm afraid of crazy people. Obviously, I'm sorry that she took such offense to something that was intended as a joke, but I also think she's being hypersensitive and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Additionally, I hate that she was so cowardly and wrote a freak note. I now truly have lost respect for her b/c of her total lack of social skills and common sense decision-making. I also can't shake the fact that she wrote a nasty card to her superior - why should I have to go kiss her butt after something like that? I should be sweating her for it!

I think by the end of today I'm going to tell her I'm sorry if my remark hurt her feelings, that wasn't my intent, and leave it at that.

Wedding Dress Update

Ok, so I guess "final fitting" doesn't really mean final. Not sure what she did to the dress up to now, but she certainly didn't have the alterations finished. Apparently, I'm supposed to pick up my dress THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING. That sounds like a really bad idea to me, but the lady says that it's better to keep the dress there, where it won't get damaged and they can have it pressed and ready to go for the wedding, yada yada yada. And I guess what choice would do I have either way if the dress is horrible one week before the wedding vs one day before the wedding? I'm still going to have to wear it either way. You can't really get a wedding dress for a 6'5" girl off the rack. As for my fat issues, I guess working out isn't all it's cracked up to be cuz the dress fit fine. Don't get me wrong, I still think I look like crap in it, my point is just that it fit.

Final Fitting Today

Today at lunch I have an appointment to try on my wedding dress for the first time since all the extra alterations were done. This includes adding like 4-5 inches to the length of the dress. I am SO worried it's going to be a hideous Franken-dress. I'm also worried I won't fit into it anymore. I kinda sorta haven't worked out since she took my measurements 2 months ago. :-| Wish me luck.

Quit yer bitchin'!

I should SO be asleep right now! Anyway, before it gets too late, I have to post the bachelorette pics from the weekend before last. I'm sorry I've been such a slackerly blogger. It's just we only have 2.5 weeks left until the wedding. (AGGGHHH!!!)

So anyway, here are the latest bachelorette party pics. Like others bloggers have already said, the funniest parts of the night were when some dude wouldn't stop calling me "Big Vanilla," and also when we accidentally got some guy booted from the club for taking his pants off. (Oh, oops, I'm sorry.. our bad!)

Gone fishin'

I'm going to my friend Andrea's wedding in Worcester, MA (via Boston MA) this weekend. I'll be back Monday w/ last week's bachelorette party pics and so much more. Hope ya'll have a good weekend.

Saturday Day: Bridal Shower

Last week, the BFMILITWW (best future-mother-in-law in the whole world) threw me a bridal shower. We're taking a Hawaiian cruise for the honeymoon, so the theme was Hawaiian. Everything turned out really nice, and I had a really great time. The food was awesome (yummy PF Chang's), and so was the cake, which was shaped like a hula-Barbie. So cute! And all my sexy biotches came out for it, including Shawna, who came all the way from Santa Cruz. That was REALLY REALLY cool. Check out photos of the festivities here.

Friday Night: Dildo Party

Before a new weekend starts, I HAVE TO blog about the last one. Friday night, my wonderful friends Randi, Vanessa and Kat hooked up a "fun party" (aka "dildo party") in my honor. Sadly, no cameras were available to capture the memories (a friend from work had borrowed my digital camera that day to take pictures of a "dying" relative - I missed the photo-op of all photo-ops and the guy didn't even end up dying!), but like Randi says, that's probably for the best..

So anyway, it was a really good time. I had no idea what was out there. Me. The loudmouth. The crass one. So confused. So embarrassed.

My favorite part was when the peanut gallery started asking questions. For example:

Kat: Does that stuff stick in your hair?

Randi: So if it makes his penis numb, and it's flavored, won't it make your lips and mouth numb too? (this was followed by the nastiest demonstrative response imaginable from the double-sided-dildo-loving, middle-aged sales lady.)

Hilary: Can I take the Vazoplex in the bathroom for a sec?
Dildo dealer: NO!!
Hilary: Why not?
Everyone else: Yeah, why not?

I also liked a lot of the helpful advice I got, such as: "It's not as cool as it looks - those ball bearings don't really do anything." ... "If you're getting anal love beads, I would recommend getting them in brown." ... "Oh yeah, you don't want the anal beads with the white vinyl rope, for obvious reasons."

Nice.

And, of course, I loved everything the girls got me. Is it TMI to share what I got? Some stuff is still on backorder, but here's what I know I got:

Nipplicious (nipple-tingling stuff) in Chocolate
Boy Butter (lube)
Flavored Body Paints
Up and Coming Sampler (Boy-stimulating flavored lube)
Soy candle w/ wax that doubles as massage oil in "Nob Chomper," I mean "Nog Champa" scent
Love Potion Number 9 (Girl-stimulating stuff)
A Vibrating Cock Ring &
Heart-shaped Bubble Bath flakes

Thanks girlies. Can't wait for the honeymoon - or the next dildo party!

To Chicken-Dance or Not to Chicken-Dance?

I just read a link off of Kat's blog about how to get people dancing at a wedding. The article raised a few good points about the benefits of doing the "chicken-dance" at a wedding reception. I always told myself I would never play this kind of garbage at my own reception, but now I'm wondering if the occasion would be incomplete w/ out it. Who thinks a wedding is not complete w/ out a chicken-dance? What about a YMCA? What other songs are must-haves on our reception playlist?

My Favorite Part of the American Idol Release Form..

"I understand that I may reveal, and other parties may reveal, information about me that is of a personal, private, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, which information may be factual and/or fictional. I further understand that my appearance, depiction and/or portrayal in the Program may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature which may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation."

Yeah, so, anyway.. sorry to disappoint, but I didn't end up going to the auditions. Turns out they were handing out wristbands on Saturday and Sunday (which I didn't find out until Sunday at 10pm), so I don't think I would have gotten a place in line on Monday, had I actually gone in at 6am. Either way, at about 4am this morning, while deliriously hitting snooze on my alarm clock on my day off, I decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Maybe next year. I should still qualify as a 28 year-old when audition-time comes around again. Thanks anyway for the moral support!

Is "She Bangs" played out??

For the record, I have a terrible voice. The only things I can sing somewhat decently are Tori Amos songs, and that's only because I've heard them so much that I can mimic her singing. SO, my whole purpose for going down and trying out for American Idol is to get on the audition rejects episode. So there you go.

Now, what song should I do that will GUARANTEE me getting on TV, but will still be subtle, so that the producers will think I seriously think I can sing?

American Idol 2006

So... auditions for American Idol are this coming Monday, right here in Las Vegas!! I was SO excited to hear that they were on a Monday, since I have that day off.

I am, after-all, undoubtedly the "triple-threat," w/ "the x-factor" that they're looking for. Then I remembered I have a dentist's appointment that day at 2:45!! M%%$&r F^*^$n Sh%^&!

Auditions start at 8am.. lines start forming at 6am. Should I go, even though I can't stay the whole time?? Also, my friend the Housekeeper will be in town that day and wants to hang out. Wanna try out for American Idol w/ me Hkpr???

I want to be just like Nicolas Cage..

After Brian and I heard that Nicolas Cage named his baby after Superman, we started brainstorming potential names for our future crime-fighting family. We were thinking it'd be cute to have a little He-man and/or a little She-ra running around.. ("He-man! She-ra! Time for dinner!!") Maybe even a little Skeletor... ("Yes, I'd like to enroll my son into school. Name: Skeletor Felgar.")

I haven't discussed it w/ Brian yet, but I'm partial to Flash - Flash Felgar. That sounds like a good one. We could also add it to our previously chosen names for the other kids (Flex and Kinky).

What super hero name would you give your kid (pretend you are a complete lunatic like Nic Cage)?

Movie Review: Serenity

Saturday a bunch of us went and saw Serenity, written and directed by Joss Whedon.

At the beginning, I thought the movie was really dumb. It transitioned awkwardly from serious, melodramatic science-fiction mystery to cheesy, sci-fi comedy. Once it got going though, and I reminded myself that it was 1) an outer-space cowboy movie, 2) made for sci-fi geeks, and 3) going for the Army of Darkness vibe, I really enjoyed it.

The outer-space fighting scenes were as good if not better than Star Wars. And the main character, River, kicked butt. I always love to see girls in movies kick butt. The "ultimate secret" that only River knew was a little bit of a let-down, I thought, but overall, I enjoyed watching this movie.

Final grade: B-

Your mom goes to college!

I stole this from Housekeeper. It's the Napoleon Dynamite Utah State Fair commercial. HILARIOUS!!

Time for some MEME's...

What does MEME stand for anyway? And what's the proper way to pronounce it??

Anyway, here's one I got from Shannon.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Mine is so super lame, but I have to play along so as to preserve my MEME karma:

"I'm in Reno until next Tuesday, fyi."

Lame lame lame lame lame.

Ok, now I tag:
Housekeeper
Chesty McTickles
Sugafree
Sweet Coalminer and
Shawna

And here's the other MEME I got from Randi:

1. Legal First name? Mistress
2. Were you named after anyone? Dad's girlfriend
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4. When did you last cry? Watching Serenity. (C'mon, the brother-sister love thing was so sweet!)
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Tuna
6. What is your birth date? October 22
7. Whats your most embarrassing CD? Spice Girls
8. Would you be friends with you? Probably not. I'd notice all my bad qualities and then not bother.
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I try not to. I've realized lately that it's not so much funny as rude.
10. What are your nicknames? "That really really tall girl," "Cla-Cla," "Cla-dee-dah-dee"
11. Would you bungee jump? Been there done that, loved it.
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yep.
13. Do you think that you are strong? Yup, people are always shocked, but really, I got like 50 pounds on most other girls, so I'm pretty strong. I just look scrawny cuz I'm tall and goofy.
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Rocky Road
15. Shoe Size? 13 Narrow baby!
16. Red or pink? Red
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Feet
18. Who do you miss most? My brother and my dad.
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? None of either at the moment.
20. What are you listening to right now? Brian talking on the phone to his mom.
21. What did you eat for breakfast? Winchell's Donuts (the diet isn't going so well yet..)
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle
23. What is the weather like right now? Dark but warm.
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? John Staley, ex-boyfriend from 9th grade.
25.The first things you notice about the opposite sex? Height
26. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, she's a very nice girl.
27. Favorite Drink? Diet Pepsi
28. Hair Color? Dark Brown w/ highlights
29. Do you wear contacts? Yes
30. Favorite Food? Shrimp
31. Last Movie You Watched? Serenity
32. Favorite Day Of The Year? October 31st
33. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Awe can't I have both?? Happy endings I guess...
34. Summer Or Winter? Summer all the way
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses
36. What Is Your Favorite Desert? Chocolate Truffle Mousse w/ Raspberry sauce
37. Living Arrangements? Brian and me and Moka and Enid.
38.. What books Are You Reading? I'm sort of between books right now.. I never really finished the ones over there on my menu bar..
39. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Grey
40.What Did You Watch Last night on TV? I didn't watch tv last night.
41. Favorite Smells? Brian's neck, the smell of Starbucks
42. Favorite junk food? Frito Lay's Chile and Lime Sabritones
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones
44. What's the farthest you've been from home? Amsterdam, Netherlands

I now tag the same people for this one as I did the last one:

Housekeeper
Chesty McTickles
Sugafree
Sweet Coalminer and
Shawna