I totally need these outfits...

Somebody Should Seriously Kick My Ass

So... this Twilight obsession of mine has gotten a little out of control. One of the reasons I've been far too busy to blog over the last month is because I've been reading and re-reading the Twilight series, watching the movie over and over, and chatting with my Twilight sisters about every detail of the books and movies. I've compiled a list documenting my downward spiral. It's called, "How I Knew My Twilight Obsession Was Out Of Control:"

1. When I stopped watching TV so that I could read the books.

2. When I began talking about my relationship with Edward in the first person. For example: "Oh my God, I can't believe Edward left me on the forest floor."

3. When I began calling Brian Edward against his will.

4. When I started wearing Twilight tshirts in public.

5. When I waited in line at Walmart for an hour for the DVD to come out at midnight.

6. When I started taking the DVD into work to watch it on my downtime.

7. When I didn't leave the house that one day because I had to watch all 3 discs of DVD extras.

8. When I began making plans to visit Forks, Washington this summer.

9. When I began looking into buying a silver Volvo like Edward's.

10. When I decided to drive to Tempe this weekend to see Stephenie Meyer speak.

11. When my husband asked if I could try and resist maxing out the credit cards when bidding in a silent auction for lunch with Stephenie Meyer. (If I do win, I plan to use my powers of persuasion to convince her to finish Midnight Sun!)

Yeah, it's a bad scene. The only way to stop is to not start at all.

Super Gay

So... Brian and I needed to go see a doctor for immunizations for our upcoming China trip. Since we just moved, I decided to find a new primary care doctor who took both of our insurance companies and was near our new house. So I found a doctor who fit the bill and made an appointment.

So... the receptionist there turns out to be this flamboyantly gay man-nurse. I didn't really think anything of it at first.

Then the guy sitting next to us in the waiting room starts having a really loud conversation with his boyfriend. Hmmm... now I'm suspicious.

I looked around and realized I was the only female in the packed lobby.

I started eyeing the men one by one for signs of gayness. One guy had on orange shoes and a matching orange shirt. Check, and check. Pretty much all of the guys in the room had something a little gay about them.

It was kinda freaking me out. It felt kinda like when I accidentally walk into Phillipino mass or Latin mass. I felt super out of place, like everyone was wondering what the heck I was doing there.

So when we got in to see the doctor, he looked really gay to me too. I don't know how to describe it. He just kinda had big gay hair and tapered gay pants. Also, his initial reaction to us was that we were both "young and beautiful, so there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with [us]." That sounded a little gay to me.

Then his phone rang. His ringtone was Enya, "Sail Away." Oh yeah, totally gay.

After we left, I asked Brian whether he noticed anything unusual in the doctor's office. Poor guy had no idea. He said he was just sitting there trying to figure out who was voting for McCain and who was voting for Obama.

When I got home, I Googled the doctor along with the word "gay." Sure enough, his office came up on tons of gay resource web sites. On one, it was listed as an HIV Primary Care Center. So... yeah....

Does it make me a bigot if I don't want to go to an HIV Primary Care Center for my primary care needs?

On the one hand, he was smart, and I felt like he knew what he was talking about. On the other hand, we don't have HIV and I'm wondering if the doctor was confused as to why we were there. Should I call him and ask if he only takes HIV patients exclusively?

Greetings from Comic-Con!

That Neil Patrick Harris Internet Musical

Ok, so there's this thing. It's like a Youtube video, but it's got real actors in it, and it's a musical. And it's directed by Joss Whedon and it stars Neil Patrick Harris. It takes a few minutes to get going, but once it does, it's pretty funny. Especially Episode 2. Go check it out. I guess the next episode comes out Saturday, so that'll be cool.

How come your mom wasn't at the gym?

I have to admit. I was kind of excited to see Lady Hector at the gym tonight. We call her that because she's built like our building super at work, Hector.

So we were all excited for Lady Hector tonight, and then she didn't show. A few minutes into the class, the instructor remarked that Maria (aka Lady Hector) wasn't there to entertain the class tonight. Everyone immediately broke into laughter. Oh what a relief to finally talk about the pink elephant in the room. He was just so stoic when she was freaking on him last week. I was like, "Am I the only one seeing this?"

Anyway, I felt so inspired by Lady Hector's absent spirit that I threw down my weights and did a little hip-thrust, freak dance right there in front of the whole class. I know they appreciated it, because they laughed and laughed. One lady came up to me after class and complimented me on my Lady Hector impression. The first-timers must have thought I was just some random bat sh*t crazy tall lady who liked to randomly break out into sexy dance during the bicep portion of the class. They probably complained about me to the people at the front desk. I fully expect to be asked to leave at the beginning of next week's class.

:-)

You don't see that everyday

This is a picture of the bathroom lines during the intermission of Video Games Live (where the Las Vegas Philharmonic played the music of dozens of popular video games). The door on the right is the men's bathrooom. The door on the left is the women's bathroom. Notice there are only 3 women in line for the women's bathroom...

The Curious Incident of the Drilldo in the Night

After my work thing last week in Tahoe, I stayed a few extra days in Reno to see my college girlfriends. I stayed with my friend Erica. About 3 days after I returned home, Erica emailed me to say thanks for the tip about getting Leslie a "drilldo" for her birthday. I didn't know what the heck she was talking about, so I just ignored it. Later, she left me a voicemail with the same message. Now I was curious. WTF was she talking about? And WTF is a drilldo?

It turns out someone had programmed a calendar alert in her iPhone so that Tuesday at 10am, while she was going about her normal work day at the insurance company, her phone would buzz reminding her it was time to buy our friend Leslie a drilldo for her birthday. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! She said she had asked Leslie (also an iPhone user) if she had done it, and Leslie said no, so she figured it was me, since no one else with access to her phone would know how to program a calendar alert.

It started to jog my memory. I do remember messing with her phone. And I do remember wanting to put something on her to-do list. Then thinking it would be funnier if it was in the form of an alert. And if it went off in the middle of a normal work-day. But I've never ever heard of a drilldo. Why would I have put that?

The more I thought about it, the more it came back to me. I had intended to type "dildo," but the autocorrect on the phone changed it to "drill." Erica was sitting right next to me when I did it, so I just added "do" to the end of it and gave her back her phone, thinking that was ever funnier. That's not where the story ends though.

The next day, I called Leslie to tell her the funny story and she now insisted that she was the one that typed in the alert, and that I had conjured up the memory in my mind. Holy crap, was I confused. Did I or didn't I? Was it a real memory or a mental concoction? In the end, I decided that Leslie was just messing with me and that I had in fact done it and forgotten about it, then remembered later. She still swears she did it, but I really think she's just evil and taking advantage of my horrible memory. Anyway, here's your reward for reading to the end of this story.

God will punish you

Brian has a strict "no horn" policy in his car. Every time somebody cuts him off or nearly hits him while I'm in the passenger seat, I reach for his horn because I know he will never honk it himself. He's always able to fight me off before I can honk it though.

In my car, it's a different story. It's not that I'm a liberal horn-honker. I'm just not afraid to use it in non-emegency situations to communicate my distaste for what other drivers are doing.

So last night, I'm driving home from seeing Ironman (which freakin' ROCKED, btw), and I'm trying to merge onto the freeway, but this guy won't let me on. Well, my lane is about to let me right back off the freeway, so I slam my brakes and merge behind the guy at the last possible second. In a mini-exercise of wrath (a total sin, mind you), I honked my horn. Unfortunately, it got stuck.

I slowed way down hoping to lose the guy I had just honked at. The last thing I needed was for him to shoot me for laying on my horn. I proceeded to slap and punch my steering wheel in an effort to get it to stop honking. This continued for the next 15 miles. Instead of going home and waking up my neighbors at 10 o'clock at night, I pulled into a parking lot to see if I could fix the problem.

I turned the car on and off, and nothing. I got out and kicked the steering wheel, and nothing. The sound blared on and on. So agitating. So embarassing. Straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. I looked in the owner's manual, and there was nothing about the horn getting stuck. I called Brian to come help, then called Triple A to see if they could help (having to yell over my deafening horn for the lady to hear what I was calling about).

While I sat there waiting, people kept driving by and slowing down to see why I was honking my horn. Was I slumped over the wheel? In need of help? Stealing a car? I just waved them on by. Nothing to see here, keep moving along people.

Forty minutes after it started, Brian managed to get it to stop. (My hero.) Although I was tempted to test the horn to see if it would get stuck again, I resisted. I've learned my lesson. I have now implemented a strict "no horn" policy in my car as well.

Hip-Hop Hoor -- oh hell no.

I tried the hip-hop dance class at the gym last night. It was a fu$&ing tragedy. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty when I noticed that the front row was all Asian strippers in midriff hoodies and sports bras.

After five minutes of poppin' and lockin', I was ready to go. My friend Bethany wouldn't let me leave though. Later, the guy in front of her wouldn't stop looking back at her and laughing. She almost cried. I knew we should have left earlier...

I don't think I was the worst in the class. I caught maybe every 4th step or so. But I definitely did not have a good time. And it was not enough movement to be considered a good workout. So I wasted an hour, felt like a gimp, didn't get my cardio done, and hurt my knee.

But for some reason, we're going to try it again next week.

April Fool's Day Jokes Are For Children

That's what my best friend said when I told her I was lying about being knocked up. I got her and a couple of girls from work. I had my pregnant friend Hilary pee on two pregnancy tests and everything. I have to admit, I felt a little bad about it, but it was still really funny. I guess I'm just a child at heart. :-)

Can't... move... legs

After my weight-gain this week, I got all motivated to start hitting the gym again. I went this morning for an hour and a half. Not a sissy hour and a half, where I rest for a long time between sets and do a wimpy setting on the elliptical. Oh no, it was hard-core. I felt so good about it afterward, I decided to bike to my eye doctor and to the bike shop later on. Not a good idea, as it turns out!

I left at about 4:30. I just had to pick up my new glasses by 5. The place was only like 2 miles away. I figured 20 minutes was plenty. Not enough time, as it turns out!

Apparently, I don't pay much attention to "topography," so I didn't realize it would be UP HILL THE ENTIRE WAY. I also never really paid much attention to the way gears work, so didn't realize I WAS UNNECESSARILY IN FIRST GEAR THE ENTIRE WAY. It was 5:15 by the time I got to the eye doctor. They hadn't locked the doors yet, so I went in. I think the lady was going to tell me they were closed, but then she saw that I was pouring sweat, heaving and wearing a bike helmet. I think she felt bad that I'd worked so hard to get there just to be turned away, so she took me.

By the time I got done there and at the bike store, it was dark. I had to buy lights for my bike, actually. Which was fine. I probably needed them anyway. But then I had to bike home in the FREEZING COLD, downhill the entire way, so it was EXTRA BREEZY for me. I had snot running down my face the whole way.

By the time I got home, it was 7pm and I looked a mess. Why did I even bother putting on makeup and blow-drying my hair? I had to be at an event at 7pm, so on top of everything, I was late.

So that was my exciting adventure to the bike store. On the bright side, I got to see bunnies along the bike trail and got to eat a big sushi dinner because of the 1000 calories I burned today.

Fangirl

This weekend yielded many tales. We had our first 80's movie night on Friday, and then Saturday we took part in the Nevada Caucus. That's a long story I'm saving for later. Right after the caucus, we hopped in the car and drove to L.A. to see Brian's sister Erin at the premiere of her new play Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. The show was great. Hear the musical numbers here.

At the show, I just about died when I saw John Krasinski from The Office. Here's me and my pal John:

He was a super-nice guy. I pretty much went up to him all fangirl-like and told him how awesome he was and asked for a picture. It was just before the show was about to start and we were both grabbing last-minute drinks at the bar. He was really nice and said thank you and no problem. Then I was all, "Wow, you're pretty tall, that's cool." And he was all, "Thanks, so are you." And that was about it. I said thanks and went into the show all jazzed.

Inside, I noticed he was sitting with Rashida Jones from The Office. After the show, we went to the premiere party in the lobby, and they were there. When she had a moment to herself, I went all fangirl on her too. I was shocked at how pretty she was. Her eyes are absolutely stunning. I was kinda taken aback. Unfortunately, I made a fool out of myself. I knew she was on The Office, but I remembered her from another show back in the day. I thought I was cool for remembering, so I asked if she used to be on the Drew Carey Show. She said no. OH CRAP. I then asked what show she did before The Office, and she said, "Boston Public?" I was like, YES!" How embarrassing... Anyway, she was super incredibly nice. I can't even stress how nice she was. She asked me my name and who I knew in the show. We actually talked for like a good five minutes about the show and who we knew in the cast and what she's going to be working on next. Here's me and my pal Rashida:

Notice how we're so close we're touching faces? That's cuz we're BFF's.

Anyway, I also ran into the guy who plays Sylar on Heroes at the show, Zachary Quinto. He's also going to be Spock on the new Star Trek show. He was also really super-nice. He introduced himself as "Zach" and asked what my name was and who I knew in the show. To be honest, I don't remember much about what we talked about because I was kinda scared he was going to kill me, like he does to most people on Heroes. Anyway, here's me and my boy Zach. See if you can spot his freaky Spock eyebrows:


So that was my weekend. I can't wait for Erin's next big premiere. Hopefully I'm allowed back for another one. :-)

Crack Band

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLAY ROCK BAND FOR THE XBOX 360. It's like crack. I don't even like video games and I'm hooked on that shi*. And because it's a group game, we're all collectively hooked - Brian on the guitar, Brad on the drums, Alexis on the guitar/bass, and David and me on vocals/bass. We've gotten so far in the game that our band, The Hella Killers, has earned its own private jet. We are out of control. Trust me. Your safest bet is just not to start.

Trunk Monkey

Someone sent me a video at my work email address with the subject line: "FW: Trunk Monkey." I quickly deleted it without opening it. Later, the sender asked me if I opened the "trunk monkey" video yet. I got all shocked and appalled and sweated the person for using racist slurs. I guess it turns out though that it's not a racist slur. It's just a video of a chimpanzee in the backseat of a car. Oh. My bad.

I could not be cool, even if my life depended on it

First, the backstory:

About 9.5 years ago, I dated this guy, "Bad Jason." It was one of the most overwhelming crushes I ever had. The kind that made me daydream so hard, I'd run stop signs without even realizing it. I was totally gaga. It didn't help that he made out with me repeatedly, even though he wasn't really all that into me. He was very hot and cold -- mean to me sometimes, and absolutely flattering at others. Precisely the right formula for keeping me obsessed.

Things didn't really end in a definitive way with us. I went back to college and we lost touch. It took me several years to get closure on the situation. To finally realize that it wasn't at all the intensity of his feelings that was scaring him away. He was simply a typical 20-year-old male. Too cowardly to be direct, and too selfish to give up the action. When he was older, he told me these things, and I respected him for it. And I finally got my closure.

Fast forward to last Friday night:

I'm having Boba Tea in China Town with my husband, nephew and a friend, when, all of a sudden, Bad Jason comes over and says hello. Ho-ly crap.

I thought I did a pretty good job of playing it cool, actually. We chatted. We joked. We met each other's dates/husbands. We even gave them our table, since we were just about ready to leave anyway.

As I'm driving home, I'm really impressed with myself. I even made it almost all the way home without violating any traffic laws. But then, a horrifying realization: I forgot to pay the $45 tab back at the tea shop. Ho-ly crap.

I called the shop and begged them to let me pay over the phone with a credit card. They refused. We had to go back. The whole drive back, I'm trying to figure out how to handle the situation without letting on to Bad Jason and his crew. My entire goal here was to show how gaga I'm NOT anymore.

I walked in and it was immediately clear that they knew. Of course they knew. We chatted them up before giving them our table, you think the people that work there aren't going to hold them responsible for our tab? I was so embarassed. I pretty much paid the tab and ran away. SO not smooth.