The Curious Incident of the Drilldo in the Night

After my work thing last week in Tahoe, I stayed a few extra days in Reno to see my college girlfriends. I stayed with my friend Erica. About 3 days after I returned home, Erica emailed me to say thanks for the tip about getting Leslie a "drilldo" for her birthday. I didn't know what the heck she was talking about, so I just ignored it. Later, she left me a voicemail with the same message. Now I was curious. WTF was she talking about? And WTF is a drilldo?

It turns out someone had programmed a calendar alert in her iPhone so that Tuesday at 10am, while she was going about her normal work day at the insurance company, her phone would buzz reminding her it was time to buy our friend Leslie a drilldo for her birthday. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! She said she had asked Leslie (also an iPhone user) if she had done it, and Leslie said no, so she figured it was me, since no one else with access to her phone would know how to program a calendar alert.

It started to jog my memory. I do remember messing with her phone. And I do remember wanting to put something on her to-do list. Then thinking it would be funnier if it was in the form of an alert. And if it went off in the middle of a normal work-day. But I've never ever heard of a drilldo. Why would I have put that?

The more I thought about it, the more it came back to me. I had intended to type "dildo," but the autocorrect on the phone changed it to "drill." Erica was sitting right next to me when I did it, so I just added "do" to the end of it and gave her back her phone, thinking that was ever funnier. That's not where the story ends though.

The next day, I called Leslie to tell her the funny story and she now insisted that she was the one that typed in the alert, and that I had conjured up the memory in my mind. Holy crap, was I confused. Did I or didn't I? Was it a real memory or a mental concoction? In the end, I decided that Leslie was just messing with me and that I had in fact done it and forgotten about it, then remembered later. She still swears she did it, but I really think she's just evil and taking advantage of my horrible memory. Anyway, here's your reward for reading to the end of this story.

Shake that thang, oww

We returned to barn dancing this weekend after about a two year break. It was a good time, and a great cardio workout. Check out Greg's super-masculine do-rag. HOTT!!!

I ate my weight in Chicago-style pizza!

We got back from Chicago Sunday night. Jesse's play was fantastic. He was fantastic. All the other 12 and 13-year-olds were all shy and quiet and scared, but Jesse was all charisma. Nice and loud and funny the whole time. The crowd laughed every time he came out. He was really committed to the role. Playing it up and everything. Great job, honey!

The rest of the trip was cool. I'm super gay for Frank Lloyd Wright, so we went by his original house and studio in Oak Park. He also designed like 10 of the houses in that neighborhood, which were absolutely beautiful. Because it was his very first house that he built when he was young and poor, it was not that impressive. Not nearly as cool as the house he died in 70 years later - Taliesin West in Scottsdale, AZ, which I saw back in December. That house was amazing. But it was still pretty cool. I can happily cross it off my "100 things to do before I die" list.

Sunday we went to the Art Institute and then home. We stayed the weekend with our friends Yasmien and Chris, who were phenomenal hosts. We're planning on going back in the early fall for their wedding. All in all, a very nice weekend.

Arbor whuh?

Arbor Day is quickly approaching! It's April 25th, so you only have a few short months to plant a tree in celebration. Alternatively, watch this video and go to this site for a few laughs and some hardcore tree awareness. (My friend Nick worked on the ad campaign.)

Crack Band

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLAY ROCK BAND FOR THE XBOX 360. It's like crack. I don't even like video games and I'm hooked on that shi*. And because it's a group game, we're all collectively hooked - Brian on the guitar, Brad on the drums, Alexis on the guitar/bass, and David and me on vocals/bass. We've gotten so far in the game that our band, The Hella Killers, has earned its own private jet. We are out of control. Trust me. Your safest bet is just not to start.

Angry Karaoke

Last night was our annual Felguayo XXXmas party. We gave our friends their Xmas presents, which included custom-made CDs of our drunken karaoke night way back in October. I was waiting to blog about that night until I could post the audio, but it looks like that's never going to happen. So, while it's current in at least a few people's minds, here are photos of my 30th birthday: XXXth Birthday Party Pics. Make sure you see all the pages of photos. There may be 2 or 3 depending on which browser you're using. Good Times. :-)

Reno 411

I'm back from visiting my college bitchez! We had such an awesome time together. Let's see, we had drunken mani-pedis, sushi, shopping, movies, and a cuddle party. It was awesome to pick right back up where we left off. It's hard to believe we've known each other for 12 years now. (Actually, I've known Leslie for 21 years, but she's the exception - everyone else is 12.)

I think the secret to our long-lasting bond is the fact that we all revert back to acting like vulgar little boys when we're together. Which brings me to my favorite part of the weekend. You see, each time I see my bitchez, I learn new, horrible, vulgar things I never knew before. Just when I think I've heard it all, they manage to shock and appall. We all contribute something. Here's what I learned this weekend:

Prairie Doggin' - Reference definitions 1, 2 and 4.

Gunt

And, last but not least: FUPA

I, too, contributed by imparting my knowledge of "Superman" and "Robocop." I also got to teach the girls about merkins!

Friendships that run this deep don't come around too often, so I'm grateful for my girls. Here's a bonus one for today - in honor of my bitchez:

Tony Danza

You can check out photos of our weekend shenanigans here.

Long Tall Weekend

Man, this weekend was nice. Thursday I was a fatty and ate everything in sight. Who knew I could reach 63 points in one day (my daily max is usually 26)? Oh well. I've been pretty good every day since. And I've figured out how to keep tamales, pizza, french fries, and steak in my diet, so bonus there. If I lose weight this week, I will feel pretty good. My weigh-ins are Wednesdays, so I'll keep you posted.

The rest of the weekend was super chill. I saw a couple of faces from the past - my best friend Allison and her wife Kelly, and my college roommate Molly. That was cool. All the ladies were looking pretty fly.

I meant to go get my hair done Saturday, but got a flat tire on the way there, so I didn't get to do that. Damn construction on the 215. But I did get to feel all independent calling AAA and then putting on my neon green safety vest from my CERT backpack that I keep in my trunk. I didn't have to put it on, I suppose. I was just stoked I got to use something out of my safety pack, ok? Zoot, don't rain on my parade!

Sunday we went and saw a movie highly recommended by the illustrious movie reviewer Catlad - No Country for Old Men. The movie was really really really well-written and well-acted and well-made. It was clearly made by exceptional moviemakers. The only thing was that the story was just kinda weird. They don't tell you everything. Which makes it more intriguing, but also more frustrating. Anyway, overall good movie. Just don't expect the usual formula.

This weekend I'm going to see my college bitchez in Reno. Should be fun.

Congrats, Yammy!

Congratulations to Yasmien and Chris, who just got engaged. Awe. All my friends are so grown up now!

White Trash Party

Last Saturday, we went to Meredith's white trash birthday party. We were kinda costumed out from the night before, but we managed to muster up the spirit to dress up a little bit. We went to this dive bar where you couldn't tell who was part of the party and who wasn't. For example, the bartender was wearing one of those t-shirts with a bikini painted on it. At first, we thought it was a really good costume, but then it turned out she wears that all the time normally. Shannon put her foot in her mouth a few times that night cuz she had a really hard time telling who was in costume and who was not. Anyway, you can see photos here.

Birthday Luvin

Despite my manic-Monday birthday, I actually had a kick-ass pre-birthday weekend. I'm really such a lucky girl. One of the surprises Brian had for me was a book of photo birthday wishes from my good friends all over the country. It definitely made me grateful for the wonderful friendships I've made over the years. And it made me especially thankful for having landed such a sweet, thoughtful husband. Guy has been planning this since July! Anyway, here are just a couple of the shots.








Oh, and this one's the best because it's my old boss one week after sexual harassment training. Why I insist on protecting him from himself, I don't know.

Defeated

I am so incredibly exhausted. This weekend was crazy.

Friday night a big group of us went out for Alexis' 30th birthday. We started at the Hofbrauhaus then went over to the Beatles bar, Revolution, at the Mirage. $1300$1700 later (spent on tableside bottleservice), there was almost a fist-fight in our group, one of our friends disappeared until 8:30 the next morning, and our 400 lb. friend Brad was absolutely wasted. The only one half-sober enough to manage the situation was Shannon, who weighs about a quarter of what Brad weighs. Kudos to Shannon for somehow getting him into her car.
Saturday, I had promised my three nephews I'd take them to this kid's festival thing, so I dragged my ass out of bed after four hours of sleep to go see Spongebob and Spiderman in person. It was grotesquely hot and the boys were wild. On the bright side, this is the best birth control EVER.

I got to collapse for about an hour before going back out Saturday night for some more birthday festivities. This time it was a "surprise" birthday dinner followed by karaoke for my friend the Housekeeper. More drinking into the wee hours of the night. No fights or missing persons this time, but I did do a horrific rendition of Sublime's Santeria, for which I should be severely punished. God awful. Here's me and the Housekeeper doing our terrible duet, censored with a picture of my cat. Inside joke.

Sunday was Mother's Day. We started out nice and early (after 5 hours sleep) with a nice brunch at Roy's, followed by a visit to the Titanic exhibit with Brian's mom and two of my nephews. The baby was one of them that we took, which made for a super-exhausting time at the museum.

Later we met up w/ the Housekeeper, who shared her sweet hook-ups with us so that we could all go see Spamalot. I liked it a lot. Thought it was really cute. Brian, a Monty Python purist, had some OCD issues with it not being just like the movie. ((shrug)) I don't know. I've never been a huge fan of the movie, but I love musicals, and thought this one was really cool. Sidenote: I guess Alice Cooper was sitting behind us, but I didn't notice.

Today I think I got my punishment for that horrible karaoke song. I had two dentist appointments - one for my latest stubborn bastard of a tooth problem, and the other for a follow-up on my tooth implant. Both were devastatingly traumatic. I think I have an official fear of dentists, starting today.

We were supposed to have a make-up Mother's Day dinner tonight with Brian's stepmom, but I just can't do anymore. I'm going to go veg out in front of the TV for the rest of the night. I just can't take anymore fun.

Reverend Cladeedah

So my friend Rex is getting married and he asked me to officiate. Which is totally random, considering: 1) I'm not very articulate; 2) I'm not a minister; and 3) we used to make out.

He said it was because I was "officious." I thought that was a compliment, until I looked it up and found out what it really means. I guess I am "officious," but that doesn't seem like a good reason to ask someone to officiate a marriage.

At first I said no. I'm far too shy. But after thinking about it a while, I realized this may be one of those once-in-a-lifetime-type of opportunities that I probably shouldn't pass up. So, for now, I'm doing it.

He said I can't talk about religion or about undying love. Hmmm... makes the marriage ceremony material pretty scarce then, I'd say. Any ideas? Movie monologues?? Anything???

Oscar Smackdown, The Results Show

C'mon, Helen Mirren wasn't THAT good. And Happy Feet? Over Cars??? Donovan would go ape-sh*t if he found out. At least they got the awards for Best Picture and Best Director right. I still think No Time for Nuts was robbed. Anyway, here are the winners of my Oscar challenge:

1st Place: Cladeedah +12
2nd Place: My Nephew +10 (Takes after his auntie)
3rd Place: Nick, Cherie, and Sugafree tied at +8 (Wow guys, how does it feel to lose to a 12-year-old?)
4th Place: Housekeeper +7 (And to think, this whole thing was your idea.)
5th Place: Brian +0 (But he gets an honorable mention for being the cutest, funniest, and the most clever.)

Looks like I get to keep the special, amazing, dazzling prize for myself this year. Which is probably a good thing, since I hadn't quite yet decided what it was going to be. Probably my duplicate copy of Stuff on My Cat that I got for Christmas. Oh well, better luck next year suckas!!!!

And Boy Are My Arms Tired

This wiikend wii all got together at Brad's to play the Nintendo Wii until the wii hours of the night. Wii played for about eight hours straight. I am super-sore all over today, but especially in my right arm. I am such a wiik sister!

And it's..... dead.

Lesson #632: Low-rise jeans call for a good belt and a pair of low-rise thongs

Friday night we went to our favorite Japanese restaurant in Chinatown for dinner. This chick was sitting at the sushi bar directly across from me like this all night. We contemplated saying something to her, but then decided the best thing for everyone would be if we just made fun of her behind her back.

I got to say it was a good day...

Today I didn't even have to use my AK. Yesterday is an altogether different story. We went shooting with Brad. It was freezing, so I stayed in the car and gossiped for the most part, but I did get out a few times and shoot a rifle, a 357 Magnum, and an AK-47. Here are the pics from my camera. Brad has way more.