Last Supper..

I'm having my last bag of Chile and Lime Sabritones and my last decadent dinner tonight. As of tomorrow, October 1st, I'm officially eating healthy and working out 4x a week so that I can be skinny & buff for the wedding on November 5th. Wish me luck!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Top Model and Veronica Mars both have me smitten..

Ok, it's obvious now that you guys want a Top Model post, so here's a quickie..

First, an announcement: Don't call me ever again between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night. I am officially busy during that time for the rest of the fall season.

UPN got me "churning butter" last night (very gross inside joke) when it followed last night's episode of Top Model w/ the season premiere of Veronica Mars. Pitter patter, pitter patter.... stand back, give the girl some air...

Top Model was Top Model. Nothing super fantastic happened.. they said "fierce" like 32 times in one episode. (I'd make a drinking game out of it, but, frankly, I'm not that suicidal.) There was a special guest appearance by some super gay rainbow who looked like he'd been spawned from a 3-way between Boy George, Pinhead from Hellraiser, and Judy Tanuda. He was weird and I didn't like him..

The girls got traumatic makeovers.. the whiney girl whined, the arrogant girl bragged, the angry girl mocked everybody.. standard stuff. We learned a new word: "weavologist." (how many years do you have to go to school to do that??) Then, in the final elimination, the fat girl and the least prettiest girl were in the bottom two, (big shocker there) w/ the fat girl getting the pity vote and the least pretty getting to go home.

Veronica Mars, on the other hand, was pure heaven. You must watch this show. It is THE BEST WRITTEN, BEST ACTED, BEST EVERYTHING show on tv right now. Better than Top Model. That's all I'll say. Just watch it.

Naughty Church Lady Update

I wasn't able to do much for the church lady. She can keep one of her illegal garages, but the other has to go. I called her to let her know and also told her very matter-of-factly that I am not accepting her discount on the church fees. She insisted, of course, but I told her "no" over and over. Finally, she said, "Fine, just make sure I get an invitation to the wedding!" Uhhh.. EXCUSE ME??

So yeah, even though half my family is not invited because of the ridiculous $80 per head cost, this lady WHO I'VE NEVER MET IN PERSON is expecting an invitation. Great. I'm worse off than when I started for doing this lady a favor. Whatever, she's not getting an invite. That's her penance for trying to bribe a public servant.

Naughty church ladies..

So there's this church lady who's in charge of making my wedding day either a giant pain in the butt or easy as pie. So far she's been sweet as candy. Yeah, the church has a bunch of hoops we have to jump through plus $775 in costs, but so far we've managed.

Well, yesterday, the church lady called me about a "personal matter." Apparently her boyfriend got a code enforcement warning about some structures he didn't have the proper permits for. Well, knowing I work for the municipality that warned him, she asked me to "do what I can" to look into it for her. She was really upset about the whole thing, and she's always been really sweet to me, so I told her I'd talk to the guy who issued the warning and find out how she could resolve the matter.

Well, then we get to talking about what I still need to do at this point for the wedding. We still have one more payment for $175 for the church and $175 for the cantor/organist. Great, thanks, fine, bye.

But then she calls me back a few minutes later and tells me she "couldn't talk before" but that now she'll waive the final payment of $175, since I'm "taking care of this" for her. What? Huh?

So yeah, obviously I'm going to pay the money anyway, but now I'm in a total pinch b/c I don't want to piss her off or insult her by paying the money anyway and not being able to "take care of it" for her. She could make my wedding day hell!!

I'm going to see if I can grease the wheels of progress for her on her problem, but I'm certainly not going to do anything out of the ordinary. And, like I said, I'm paying anyway. So here's to hoping she doesn't screw me.. naughty church lady.

Called in Sick..

I called in sick to work today because of this bothersome eye. I feel so guilty about it too. To make myself feel less bad, I'm going to clean my house.

High School Reunions Are Lame

And mine was no exception. Saturday night was my 10-year high school reunion. It was lame. All I did was speak briefly to a bunch of people I barely knew back then and now barely remember.

Here's one of the jackasses I ran into who hasn't changed a bit since his asshole jock high school days. I'm talking about the guy nearest to me on the right.

He's referred to lovingly as "Gabe the Goosekiller" because in college, he killed one of the geese that lived on our university's lake. In his drunken frat-guy stupor, he decided to swing it around and around by the neck and then drag it back into his dorm room. After word got out that he was planning on cooking it, the cops made a friendly visit and he was ultimatley cited only for "Hunting Out of Season." Anyway, he pissed me off at the reunion and I mention him only as an example of the theory, "once an asshole, always an asshole." Anyway..

The one highlight of the reunion was seeing this girl. She was a friend of mine from high school who's now a porn star apparently. She gave me her card, which includes <--that photo minus the stars (I put those in), and said, "Here's my card. Sorry my tits are showing." No she wasn't!

Anyway, then the rest of the night the boring losers I went to high school with spent their time talking shit about her and asking to see the card she gave me. Whatever. I thought it was awesome that she marched into the reunion and announced she was a porn star. It was definitely the most exciting thing that happened. Here's a picture of my friend Nancy, Jai Jai (aka Brittaney Starr), and me:


Oh yeah, one other interesting part of the night was when they started doing questions for door prizes. I won the prize for "Most Education." Take that spoiled, rich, Green Valley losers! Guess the poor, weird, mod chick did pretty alright for herself.

Flame on burn desire, love with tongues of fire

We got engagement photos taken yesterday. Go here to see them. Click the "Email This Photo" button to send free digital copies to yourself or you can pay to order prints.

I think Randi's blog gave me an eye infection..

First, Randi has eye infection issues, now I do! My eye's all sore and feels like I have something in it. Fortunately, this has happened before, so I'm pretty sure I know what it is - just a scratch to the cornea caused by me messing w/ my hard contacts. Unfortunately, this means I have to run around looking like a dork in glasses for a few days, with a red, watery, sore eye. This warrants calling into work sick, right??

I eat garbage..

My tummy hurts. Hmmm, I wonder what it could have been.. This is the garbage I've eaten so far today:

7:15am - 12 oz. Diet Pepsi & a Wheat Bagel

8:30am - Zone Perfect Fudge Graham Protein Bar

9:30am - A bag of Chile and Lime Sabritones (3 servings apparently), a 40 oz. Cola Slurpee, and a bag of Oriental Snack Mix (2.5 servings apparently)

12:30pm - Six-inch Tuna Sub on Wheat bread and a 16 oz. Diet Pepsi

I'm thinking it was either the caffeine, the hypersweet slurpee, or the 100% of my daily sodium intake I've consumed already.

To answer your question..

My heart's still all 'a flutter! You asked why I love Top Model, and now I answer.... Here are a few of the things I loved about last night's season premiere:

1. Watching pretty girls fall on the runway.. It just never gets old.
2. Chicks who walk like men in dresses - har har har har har!
3. Men in dresses who walk like chicks. (Mommy... daddy.. I'm so confused!)
4. Kim (this season's token lesbian model) assures Tyra that she won't kiss girls along the way while working the catwalk. (Tyra thinks about it for a sec and decides to go ahead and encourage what she calls Kim's "masculinity" on the runway. Great minds really do think alike.. heh heh heh.)
5. The Jehovah's Witness layaway plan - sin now, pay later!
6. Nic, Nic, Nic, NIc, NIc, Nic, Nic, Nic - She's my new pick to win the whole enchilada.
7. Tyra's mad Perry Mason skillz (e.g., "Name three Cover Girls! A-ha! Fake!!" ...."What's the most recent community service you've done. A-ha! Fake!" That girl is GOOD.
8. "In my family, we have a 'pretty gene."" Wow, Yeah, me too. :-)
9. "I'm 'the jam.' I just don't understand. Who wouldn't want to butter their bread with me??" (Be forewarned. This is my new favorite catchphrase. :-) )
10. Learning to embrace your own annoyingness. (I am like the zen master at this!)
11. Three words: BIG ASS LIPS.
12. Ebony, Ashley and Nic in their swimsuits.
13. "Since I sold cows, I think I could REALLY sell Cover Girl." (Logic so sound, there's no disputing it.)
14. REALLY SMART remarks. Take note: "I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulder."
15. "Small-town girls" who are "open" to "full-blown lesbians."
16. Requisite lesbian kiss. Check.
17. Three more words: CRAZY CANTELOUPE LIPS.
18. Tyra's sadistic little habit of keeping around train-wreck model wannabes, just for shits and giggles.

So yeah, that's just a random sampling. Bottom line, the girls are nice eye-candy and you can't write material this deliciously shallow.

On the edge of my seat..

Weird. Just last week the plane I was on was making a really weird noise during landing, like the landing gear was stuck or something. I panicked and started wondering what a plane would do under such circumstances. I guess I got my answer. I stayed at work until 6:45p.m. tonight, glued to the t.v. waiting to catch the live footage of this plane landing. I was SOOOOOOOO relieved to see it touch down safely. [EXHALE......]

America's Next Top Model Season Premiere - TONIGHT!!

Oh my. I can't believe it's that time already. I just happened to turn on the TV during a reunion episode of American's Next Top Model tonight. It totally whet my appetite for the new season, which starts tomorrow/tonight (Wednesday, September 21st). Yes... yes.. wash over me, sweet, beautiful, reality-show crack.

So cold.. so cold..

More from the "how the f$%@ could I be so stupid?" department..

1) Packed TWO bags for a trip that would last less than 24 hours and I forgot my hairdryer. Because I went from an all-day class straight to the airport and then straight to the concert, I had to get ready at the airport. After realizing I'd forgotten my hair dryer, I ended up blow-drying my hair upside-down under one of those hand dryers in the bathroom, just like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan.

2) Security didn't harass me about my camera at the door, so I just figured it was cool to bring it in. Right before Tori is about to go on, we start taking photos just for fun, right in front of security and everyone else. So security came over and took my camera for safe-keeping. :-( But not before the security guard snapped this nice picture of us. :-)



3) Didn't notice the concert was outside when I bought the tickets. I had packed five tank tops for the overnight trip but not one jacket, sweater, or long-sleeved shirt. Needless to say, I was frozen the entire 3-hour concert. Thank goodness for Scott who was nice enough to loan me his jacket.

4) Took my 7 mos. pregnant friend's word for it when she said it'd be cool for me to stumble into her house at 2:30am. Scott & Shawna dropped me off at what they thought was the front gate to the complex. It wasn't though. I stumbled around drunk and scantily clad on the streets of LA for like half an hour, calling my friend every couple of minutes to see if I was close. She was not pleased. :-(

For all my dumbassed moves, the weekend turned out to be really fun. After the concert, we went to a karaoke bar. Our songs didn't get called, but we had a good time anyway.





Then Sunday my TWO pregnant friends did a sweet little bridal brunch for me. That was really cool.

Stupid eBay story..

This weekend was the Tori Amos concert in L.A. As many of you know, I had some trouble selling an extra set of tickets for the show. After I started a last minute 3-day auction on eBay to just get the tickets in the hands of another fan (bids started at $.99), Shawna told me that her friend Scott was interested in the tickets. Here's where the stupid moves on my part start. I'll have to number them, since there we so many:

Bad move #1 - We decide to have Shawna outbid the others.. she bids $20 and gives me her password in case I want to raise the bid. I don't go back and raise her bid to something that would guarantee her winning the tix, like $500.

Bad move #2 - I figured since no one bought the tix the first time, they wouldn't even go for $20, so I didn't worry about making sure someone watched the auction when it ended at 11am the day of the show. (I was at a class all day).

Result - So the auction ends and some chick wins them for $20.50. @%$*#!! More stupid moves made from here.. I email her and tell her she has to call me on my cell by 6:30pm to set up a place to meet and exchange the goods. At 6:32pm, I am like, sweet, she missed the deadline. Scott can have the tickets. Then my cell phone rings..

Bad move #3 - I answer.

Bad move #4 - I ask where she wants to meet at the venue. Instead of will call or the box office or something smart like that, the girl suggests we just call when we get there and meet up by cell phone. I dumbassedly agree.

Result - So we got the concert, which is in the hills, and none of us have a signal on our cell phones. Uh-oh. At one point, I did get a bar or service and called the girl, but before I could tell her where we were, the phone cut us off. I guess I could have stood around outside for longer and yelled that I was looking for the girl from eBay, but I felt like I had made reasonable efforts. So we went inside. Scott used one ticket and the other went to waste. We saw tons of people outside selling tickets for like $15, so I figured if the girl really wanted in, she could have gotten in for as much or cheaper than what she won my tickets for.

So yeah, I got a nasty email from the girl today. She was not a happy camper. So far no negative feedback, but I'm sure it's a'comin'.. :-(

Couldn't resist picking this up at the store

Reno Bachelorette Bash

Last Saturday I flew up to Reno to celebrate Andrea's (one of my college roommates) bachelorette party. Nothing says class like a weekend in Reno, let me tell ya.

We started the day with a delightful breakfast at the world-renowned International House of Pancakes, aka "IHOP." After that, we thought, "What could be funner than a day of touring model homes??" :-)

It actually turned out to be pretty fun. My favorite part was when some snooty bitch told the seven of us girls that maybe if we pooled our money together, we could go in together on this one $700,000 house. NICE. Little did the lady know almost any one of us seven girls could have gotten that house on our own! Jeanny put the biatch in her place though. SUCK IT SNATCH!!

After that, we were so insulted, we decided to go out and be snooty and pampered. So we went down to the local Walmart for manicures and pedicures. We'll show that lady the meaning of CLASSY!!

Next, we went to "Bully's" for a fancy supper of chicken fingers and buffalo wings, accompanied by a pitcher of the restaurant's finest Coors Light.

Then it was back to the house for tea and crumpets. Or rather, two-buck-chuck, cock-cakes and light-up dildos. Click here for possibly not safe for work pics of that silliness.

We topped off the evening by meeting some nice young gentlemen at the local pub, Brew Brothers. One lad was kind enough to give Andrea the boxers right off his bum! Reno boys sure know how to make a lady feel special. Click here for more pics of us taking advantage of intoxicated young men.

Overall, it was a very fine time. I can't wait to have my very own classy bridal weekend.

Memoirs of a Geek-sha

ARGH! Before this weekend creeps up on me, I gotta post about LAST weekend's shenanigans! Last Friday a bunch of us went over to Randi's for homemade sushi and frushi. Kat brought over her Chinese music in order to make it EXTRA-authentic. :-) Oh, and I brought fortune cookies and tea! (Ok, not really.) Here are the photos I took that night.

Movie Review: Just Like Heaven

Ok, I admit it. I cried. Whatever, who cares. It doesn't take much. So yeah, this chick-flick was cute. Much cuter than Maid in Manhatten, not as cute as Pretty Woman. Think more along the lines of Jerry Maguire.

Reese Witherspoon was adorable (as always). I wasn't a big Mark Ruffallo fan though. He was just a'ight. John Heder, of Napoleon Dynamite fame, supplied some comic relief. Unfortunately, my worst fears about John were realized. He really can't do anyone but Napoleon. :-( Bummer..

All in all, the movie was a good time for the ladies. Cute, funny, and sugar-sweet. Final grade: C+

Welcome to the bloghouse

Welcome to Blogland, Chesty McTickles!!

Tori Amos Tickets for sale - CHEAP!

In my fervor to get good seats to the Tori Amos show at the Greek Theatre in L.A. on Sep 17th (this Saturday), I ended up w/ one pair too many. I procrastinated selling them and now they're going for less than half-price face value on ebay. I can't even get mine to sell for 60% off! So anyway, if you know any Tori fans who want to see the show this weekend, let me know!!!

Movie Review: Red Eye

I totally was expecting to be disappointed by this one, but, instead, I really really enjoyed it!

It wasn't a horror movie like the preview made is seem. This was more like a suspense/thriller. The things that rocked about this movie were:

1. Cillian Murphy - That boy can go from sweet, charming and perfect to CRAZY EVIL SCARY in like the drop of a hat. Now THAT'S what I call acting with your eyes!!!

2. Rachel McAdams - This girl is a casting director's wet dream. She's HOT, and All-American, yet tough and smart! Love me some Rachel McAdams.

3. Cillian & Rachel together - Great chemistry.

4. The characters didn't do stupid, unrealistic crap like not run over the killer or forget to call 911 or forget to grab a weapon!! - I can't tell you how often I've gotten annoyed by movie characters who don't make good decisions. Wes Craven must have gotten wind of this, b/c this time he explained everything that needed explaining in this story, such as: a) Why Rachel McAdams' character had like kick-ass Power-puff Girl in her, b) Why the killer didn't die after getting wounded, c) Why the cell phones didn't work (airport + dead battery), d) Why they weren't calling 911 (already called - not responding b/c of a bigger emergency). I just really appreciated these minute details.

5. Rachel McAdams character kicked major butt and was my hero by the end of it.

So yeah, I liked it.. My only warning is that boys might not like this movie as much as girls. It was definitely targetted to the young liberated female demographic.

Final grade: B+

Movie Review: The Brothers Grimm

Sunday we went and saw The Brothers Grimm. It was really cute. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger both did good jobs - especially Matt Damon. The story was cute, though not without its problems. There were some holes.. the love interest angle was way under-developed.. the end was entirely predictable. But it got away w/ a lot of this stuff b/c of the whole fairy-tale motif it had going-on. You know: archetypical characters.. love at first sight.. happily ever after. All that jazz. Also, the CG effects in it were kinda weak. Like, you could literally see the cut in the film where the CG horse got edited into a real horse. Final grade overall: B+

Just had to share..

These are Kat's adorable foster-kitties. Well, one of them anyway...


Here he is getting a face full of flash


And chewing my shoelaces..


And sucking down some In-N-Out soda...


Damn I wish I could have more kitties.

Pics from Last Friday

Yeah, so last Friday we went to First Friday. Here are pics of the evening's festivities.

More Fun w/ Live TV

Ok, this made me cry, and I'm not even pre-menstrual right now!!

Same deal as before - I can't get the link to work, so you'll have to copy and paste this in a new window. It's Geraldo Rivera and Sheppard Smith calling for some freakin' backup in New Orleans! GO GERALDO AND SHEP!! FIGHT THE POWER!!!

QT:
http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Hannity-Colmes-Smith-Rivera-freak-in-NO.mov

WMP:
http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Hannity-Colmes-Smith-Rivera-freak-in-NO.wmv

Would a little "schwing" be totally inappropriate here?

I heart Kanye West. Before today, the guy came off too cocky for my taste... and that whole whining over not getting a Grammy business - that was just ridiculous. BUT NOW, Kanye is my new boyfriend of the week.

Behold, the GREATEST MOMENT IN LIVE TV. EVER. EVER EVER. You'll have to cut and paste it from here though cuz I can't get the damn thing to link.

WMP version is here: http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People.wmv
Quicktime version is here: http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People.mov

Poor Mike Meyers and Chris Tucker are like deer in headlights. If you haven't seen this yet, watch it now. It's awesome. Make sure to watch the whole thing - the end was the best part. It only aired on the East Coast. NBC edited it from the West Coast broadcast. I watched it 10 times and it still hasn't gotten old. GO KANYE! FIGHT THE POWER!!

Is that a frog wiping its ass??

Brian and I saw this at the drugstore the other day.. We had a good time re-enacting the marketing meeting behind this lovable character:



Art director: Ok, so what we need is a cute little frog... wiping its ass. Yes.... excellent! It has to be cuddly though, and lovable.. but still obviously wiping it's ass. Yes yes,, a little more butt cheek on that one... Bigger smile... maybe a little rounder in the rump.. spread the legs a little, hand on the "d".... arch the back a little, and.. PERFECT!

We're so funny

The other day we called our friends Brad & Vanessa on the phone. Brad and Vanessa have a one-year-old named Donovan, so their answering machine says, "You've reached Brad, Vanessa and Donovan. We can't take your call, but leave us a message and we'll call you back" or something like that. Brian and I thought it was funny that they said leave a message for Donovan on the machine, so we left him a little message. It went something like this:

"Hi Donovan, this is your girlfriend Cindy. You left your boxers over at my place. I didn't know if you wanted me to drop them off or if you were going to pick them up. Anyway, give me a call back, honey. Kiss kiss."

Mom and Dad heard it and asked me today if it was me who left it. Quien, Moi???? I couldn't keep a straight face, so I got caught. Damn. We're just too funny. :-P