Sunday, July 13, 2008

Intervention Intervention

I've cut back on TV a whole lot. In fact, I pretty much only watch one show exclusively. All the time. I think I'm addicted. It's called Intervention.

Each episode is pretty much the same. Basically, it shows addicts at their lowest lows. All kinds of addicts: bulimics, anorexics, alcoholics, crackheads, heroin addicts, meth addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, plastic surgery addicts, shopping addicts, pill poppers, etc.

It's usually some crazy ass sh*t I never imagined, like bulimics storing 30 pounds of vomit in ziplock bags in their closet, or anorexics "chewing and spitting" and surviving on 100 calories a day. Or, like, straight guys prostituting themselves for drug money or cleaning their syringes out in fast food toilets. Just crazy, unfathomable, rock-bottom type stuff.

So then it tells their childhood story. Usually some horrible thing happened to them that explains why they're so hellbent on numbing the pain.

Then the family stages an elaborate trap in order to surprise the addict (pretty much they tell them they're going to the Howard Johnson by the airport to tape their final interview - works every time, believe it or not). Then they all read letters telling him/her how messed up he/she is and threatening to disown him/her if he/she doesn't go to treatment. The addict usually wines and cries and yells. Then my favorite interventionist, Jeff VanVonderon does a Jedi mind trick, which convinces the addict to go to treatment (I've never seen that badass lose even one). Then the addict is immediately whisked away to a treatment center across the country.

Then comes the best part: the update. Brian acts like he doesn't like the show, but I know he enjoys guessing whether they'll even go to treatment and whether they'll relapse or stay sober. I'm no good at predicting the outcome. Even after having watched 75-100 episodes, I still can't tell who's going to succeed. But it's fun guessing nonetheless. Some of the transformations are amazing. It's pretty much the best makeover show ever. You should totally watch it.

I watch at least one episode a night on the Tivo. And I go online to read the most recent updates. I'm warning you though. If you ever ask me to meet you at the HoJo by the airport, I ain't goin'... unless Jeff VanVonderon is my interventionist. Then I'm totally there.


jesse said...

I have a problem. I'm addicted to Boba Tea and They Might Be Giants.

Shannon said...

He says on his website that if you are considering using him, not to let your loved one watch Intervention...sorry Claudia, no JVanV for you.

Sweet Coalminer said...

This and Dr. 90210 (and Ultimate Fighter and Deadliest Catch - ugh) are the things I most miss about cable.

Cory and I often try to guess which moment of Mimi's childhood will be the cause of her addiction when she is on Intervention in 15-20 years.

Bethany said...

I wonder if Jeff V. would leave the outgoing message on my voicemail. Now THAT would be great.