Monday, June 30, 2008

How come your mom wasn't at the gym?

I have to admit. I was kind of excited to see Lady Hector at the gym tonight. We call her that because she's built like our building super at work, Hector.

So we were all excited for Lady Hector tonight, and then she didn't show. A few minutes into the class, the instructor remarked that Maria (aka Lady Hector) wasn't there to entertain the class tonight. Everyone immediately broke into laughter. Oh what a relief to finally talk about the pink elephant in the room. He was just so stoic when she was freaking on him last week. I was like, "Am I the only one seeing this?"

Anyway, I felt so inspired by Lady Hector's absent spirit that I threw down my weights and did a little hip-thrust, freak dance right there in front of the whole class. I know they appreciated it, because they laughed and laughed. One lady came up to me after class and complimented me on my Lady Hector impression. The first-timers must have thought I was just some random bat sh*t crazy tall lady who liked to randomly break out into sexy dance during the bicep portion of the class. They probably complained about me to the people at the front desk. I fully expect to be asked to leave at the beginning of next week's class.


Sunday, June 29, 2008


We went and saw Wall-E last night. I wasn't really excited to go see it, but it got good reviews and Brian wanted to go, so I said why not. Are you ready to hear the whole script of the movie? Here goes:


And that's about it. Oh, wait. I mean, repeat 100 more times. Maybe I've just had my fill of lovable cartoon movies this summer. Maybe I set my expectations too high by reading good reviews right before going. Maybe I was just incensed by the repetitious dialogue. All I know is that I thought it was just okay. Not worth the hype. Not nearly as good as Kung Fu Panda, Iron Man, or Incredible Hulk. Final grade: B.

Almost as exciting as buying a house

They're making an Arrested Development movie!! It's scheduled for release February of 2009. Can't hardly wait!

Saturday, June 28, 2008


Hold the phone. There may be a holdup with the house. No celebrating for right now. Let's just wait a few days and see how it goes.

Friday, June 27, 2008


We bought a house! I mean, it's not a done deal yet, but it's pretty much a done deal. We'll formalize everything and go into escrow Monday. YAY!! Here are a few pics of the new digs:

Killer Japanese Hair Extensions

Your random Friday afternoon internet video, courtesy of those wacky Japanese.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bat Sh*t Crazy

So there's this crazy lady that comes to one of my weightlifting classes and, instead of weightlifting, just does crazy, random sh*t the whole time. Before I explain, let me first paint the picture.

She's a short Latina lady in her mid to late 50's who wears a do-rag on her head and enough black eye makeup to make mine look natural. Last week, she wore a fishnet catsuit with black socks and sneakers. This week, she wore bright orange short-shorts over black leggings.

So here's what she does. While we're all concentrating on slowly doing our bicep curls, she puts her weights down and starts ghetto humping the air. I mean, really shaking her money-maker. Like a stripper gone horribly, horribly wrong. I cannot begin to describe how odd this is when juxtaposed with the weightlifting.

She also walks around the room (while everyone else is stationary), goes up and freaks on the instructor, steals the instructor's weights, tries to carry on unsolicited conversations with him during class, and does every random exercise in the book other than the one the instructor is teaching. Then she dances some more. So distracting...

Last night I was with two co-workers who had to face the sidewall in order to finish their sets without laughing. As we were leaving, another lady said something about the crazy lady being a distraction. My friend suggested we complain, since attendance in the class seemed to be dwindling and we didn't want the class to get cancelled. So we told the lady at the front desk, who didn't seem to appreciate the magnitude of the problem. So I just felt guilty afterword for saying anything at all.

Why should we care that this free spirit is doing her own thing? Well... because it's really f'ing distracting, and it's a group weightlifting class, that's why. It's not solo stripper-cise. And now one of my co-workers won't go back to the class because she can't focus on the exercises. I haven't decided yet whether I'll go back. It's like choosing whether to go to the grocery store with the crazy, homeless person versus the clean, quiet one a little further away. Even if the crazy person is harmless, you'd just rather not deal with it.

I keep going back and forth about it. Were we wrong for complaining? Should we have just minded our own business and faced the wall? Should we go back next week? What's the right thing to do here?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Front row center

Last night, Alexis, Shannon, Vanessa, and I went out and saw Sarah Silverman. This was my third time. We had a good time overall, but I think this is going to be my last Sarah Silverman show for a while. She just does too many of the same jokes. If you want to see the pics from last night, click here.

The cool thing this time was that we were front row center, so we got to see a lot more of her performance and interact with her. When she first came out, she saw me taking pictures (no flash) and she posed for me. So that was really cute.

And one time I yelled out, "I love you Sarah!" and she was like, "Thanks, but I'm standing right here, you don't really have to yell."

And then a little while later, she sweated me for taking so many pictures. It doesn't take much to derail her train of thought, and I think it was distracting her, so she posed, I took my last 2 pics, and that was it.

A little while later, some heckler derailed her train of thought again, and she said the heckler was her friend "Michelle," but she refused to finish her joke because Michelle had thrown her off. So everyone was cheering for her to finish the joke, and when it became clear she wasn't going to, I yelled, "F- you, Michelle!" and she laughed. So that was kinda neat.

She interacted a lot with Vanessa too. I don't remember the exchanges though. Too self-absorbed I guess.

I always suspected she used notes on the stool she keeps next to her, but now that we were really close, we got to see the incriminating evidence up close. Also, she got way more thrown-off this time, and almost just, like, gave up at the end. So although she was as cute as ever, she didn't put on a super-fantastic show. I hate to say it.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

My heart is broken

We didn't get the house. They accepted an offer last night. It's possible it was sold even before they got our offer.



We put an offer in on a house last night. It's so nerve-racking! It's a foreclosure, so there are multiple bids. You don't know what other people are bidding and you don't know whether your offer is good enough until it gets rejected and someone else's gets accepted. We're totally psyching ourselves out. Should we go $20k more? $40k more? Are we just overthinking it and throwing money away or is there another couple who wants an old house with a pool and an open floor plan in that area as bad as we do? So scary...

Anyway, here's a bad picture of the house at issue. The street view on google maps is way better. Email me and I'll give you the address. I don't want to post it here.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fake bake

So last Saturday we went to the lake with Brian's boss and coworkers. The day before, I was still pale white, so I had to do something to get my tan on. I went to Neon Sun and used one of the high-pressure beds to get as tan as possible in 24 hours. That wasn't enough, so I got a spray tan too. The backs of my ankles had streaks from that though, so I got some Aveeno lotion with self tanner to even it out. Despite all my efforts, I still wasn't tan out at the lake. After a long day of fun in the sun, I finally got my tan (I applied sunscreen twice). My prized George Hamilton has held up all week. I'm not going to go all tanning bed crazy or anything. I might keep up the Aveeno and the spray tan, but that's about it.

Monday, June 16, 2008

You don't see that everyday

This is a picture of the bathroom lines during the intermission of Video Games Live (where the Las Vegas Philharmonic played the music of dozens of popular video games). The door on the right is the men's bathrooom. The door on the left is the women's bathroom. Notice there are only 3 women in line for the women's bathroom...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Wow, that is cool

I'm a little slow on the uptake - Brian and Jesse have been talking about this site called Pandora for weeks. It's based on the Genome Music Project. Basically, it's an online radio station that plays the music you choose and suggests new music based on what you like. I have a Tori Amos Station, a Weezer station, and a Dresden Dolls station, and, I must say, they're all very good. Try it out if you're looking for a simple way to find new music.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Claudia SMASH!!!!

Just got back from seeing a sneak preview of the new Hulk movie starring Ed Norton. Not to get your hopes up or anything, but it was really really really freakin' awesome.

First of all, the casting was spot on. Not sure if it was the casting director or the film director that had a thing for 90's stars, but obviously one of them did. The movie starred 90's video vixen Liv Tyler; Quentin Tarantino favorite Tim Roth (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms); and, of course, Ed Norton (Primal Fear, Fight Club, People vs. Larry Flynt, American History X). Maybe I'm just in the target marketing demographic for 90s casting, but I honestly thought the choices were bold and brilliant.

As far as the director goes, I've never heard of the guy before, but I must say I'm impressed. I guess he's French and he directed The Transporter. And that's about it. Surprising that they gave him such a huge film, but obviously somebody knew he'd do it justice, cuz he did good. He definitely kicked Ang Lee's ass with this one.

And did you know Ed Norton co-wrote the screenplay? So freakin' hot.

I'm calling an Oscar for best sound editing and sound effects right now.

So yeah, it was really good. Good script, good action, good characters, good casting. I won't say anything more. Just go see it.

Final grade: A.

F**kin' F**kers

Stupid Apple. $200 for GPS AND a faster internet connection??? That's less than the iTouch!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Summer movies

I've been seeing an assload of movies lately. Thursday we saw an advance screening of You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It was super silly, but very funny. I enjoyed it. Don't go in with high expectations and you will be amused. Final grade: B.

Friday we went and saw Kung Fu Panda. That was also pretty good... not that I'm into cartoons or anything, I'm just saying... classic underdog tales are just good, that's all. Final grade: B+.

Last weekend I saw Sex and the City. I really enjoyed it. It was total female fantasy fulfillment. All the women had great careers, great homes, great clothes, great friends, and an endless supply of money. So it was a lot of fun. Like Iron Man was for the boys. I also really enjoyed it because it felt like hanging out with old friends. I totally have an emotional connection to those characters. Anyway, you'll love this movie, as long as you're a chick. Final grade: A-.

Tomorrow we're seeing an advance screening of the new Hulk. I'll report back on how Ed Norton does. I expect he'll be fabulous though. Is it me, or is he always typecast as the Jekyl/Mr. Hyde guy?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Yo-yo dieter

My weigh-in today went BAD, BAD, BAD. I gained 2.8 pounds. Let that be a lesson to you. Villa Pizza is as horribly bad for you as you think it is. Current weight: 174.6. Total weight loss to date: 24.8 pounds.