We're back from Alaska. It was amazing. We had an awesome time. I'm sad to report, however, that I am unable to produce for you the picture of me with a live salmon in my mouth.
Yes, we went fishing. Yes, we caught salmon (10 in total between three of us). However, at the time I set the goal, I was unaware of one very material fact: salmon have sea lice. They're nasty litte crab-like parasites that stick to their sides and feed on their scales. They're revolting, and there was no way I was going to put them in my mouth. Sorry guys.
We took literally hundreds of pictures on the trip. Knowing my history of processing photos, odds are you won't see them for a while. But they will be up on here eventually. Then you can see my huge ass fish that I caught and video and pictures of us sled-dogging, bicycling and canoeing. So fun.
The other reason I'm posting is because I had a very thrilling celebrity sighting experience in Seattle over the weekend. First, the backstory.
When I was a kid, I watched General Hospital every day after school. I LOVED Frisco and Felicia and Duke and Anna. Duke was super hot and my sister and I had huge crushes on him.
Well, I'm standing in a small bookstore, in a trendy, gay part of Seattle, and I hear this guy with a Scottish accent standing next to me looking at books on the same table as me. I look over and, from the side, it totally looked like Duke!
I stared at his face for a second, then he looked up, saw me staring and smiled. Then I knew for sure it was Duke! I smiled back. It was this weird I-know-you-know-I-know-who-you-are smile.
On the one hand, Ian Buchanan (that's his real name) is such a small celebrity, there's no reason to get excited. On the other hand, the fact that I was one of the few people that knew who he was made it all the more special! I immediately called the two people I thought might know who he was. Only one of them actually knew; my sister, who freaked out when I told her. I'm telling you, he was dreamy back in the day. Anyway, that's all. Just wanted to share in case any of you know who he is. He's also famous for being on Twin Peaks.
Not really. It's just me. I'm just about packed for our trip to Alaska. We're leaving early tomorrow morning. On the one hand, I'm super-excited, and I can't wait to get a picture of me with an Alaskan salmon in my mouth. On the other hand, it's going to be rainy, and cold as fu%k, so I'm not really looking forward to that part of it.
I think I'm still a little down in the dumps about the whole Britney thing. By the way, Sarah Silverman's act was almost word-for-word the one she did for us in Vegas the week before. We must've been her test audience or something. I do have to give her props on her foresight. It was so appropriate to declare that Britney had already accomplished all she ever would after that horrendous performance. Way to call it ahead of time, Sarah.
I, on the other hand, was one of those suckers that thought Britney was going to do something amazing. I was super-jazzed to see her perform. I just knew she could somehow bring back the old Britney. That's why I took it so hard when she didn't care enough to put any effort into it. I felt betrayed. It's like, by keeping an open mind about her, and rooting for her, despite all of her horrific life choices, I feel like I was loyal. That she would be so careless with that faith just makes me mad. I feel dumb for believing in her. I also think she's an ingrate for squandering such a huge opportunity. That Chris Brown guy - oh, you could tell he was grateful for his fame. He put on a show! Jumped 3 feet in the air with all that energy, practically! Britney just acted like a baby and then put out less than the bare minimum. Just go home, Britney. You're done now.
Alright, I'm calling it now -- many Oscar nominations for the movie 3:10 to Yuma. Go see this movie. It has so many layers of goodness. The acting was great (and I'm not usually a Russell Crowe or Christian Bale fan). Ben Foster (who I'd never noticed before in anything else) was super well-cast and did a phenominal job. The script was great. Apparently it's based on a short story, which is not nearly as detailed as the movie, and it's also a movie re-make. I'm super curious how it compares to the original. Anyway, it's a good time. Our movie critic friend said it's the best movie he's seen all year, and I'd have to agree.
This weekend, we saw Sarah Silverman perform at the Mirage. It was so-so, and since I was super-pumped for the show, I guess that means it was a bit of a let-down.
On the one hand, she recycled a lot of her old jokes from the Jesus is Magic DVD, her energy was low, her timing was off, and she only performed for 40 minutes (that means the show was $2 per minute per person). On the other hand, we got to see about five minutes worth of new clips from next season of her show and she tested out some of the material she's thinking about using next Sunday night at the MTV VMA's. And, no matter how you slice it, it's Sarah SIlverman, who is pretty much the cutest thing ever, so, really, who can complain?
Wanna hear the jokes she might use at the 2007 VMA's? One of the funny ones I can remember was about Amy Winehouse. She said something about Amy being Jewish, then asked, "She is Jewish, right? Well if she's not, someone needs to tell her face." I thought that one was hilArious!
Then she started talking about how it's weird that Amy WInehouse would have a last name like Winehouse, cuz that's, like, the last place she should be. "It's like George Bush's last name being Whitehouse, or Lindsay Lohan's last name being Behind-the-Wheel-of-a-Car." Ba-dum-bum.
Probably the most extreme joke she told was about Britney Spears. I have a feeling she'll use it too, since Britney Spears is expected to be there and Sarah's popularity sky-rocketed after the MTV Movie Awards earlier this year, where she bagged on Paris Hilton as Paris sat helpless in the audience.
So anyway, first Sarah talked about how much Britney has grown up. How a few years ago, she was just a little girl, dressed like a whore and writhing around the stage at the VMA's with a snake, and now she's a mom with two kids. Then Sarah pretended to take it back, saying it was mean -- that she shouldn't talk about Madonna like that.
Then she talked about how cute Britney Spears' kids were. Just as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of. "They look just like it too," she said. "Like this!" Then she smashed her lips together with her hands to make duck lips and turned her head sideways so they were vertical. Yes, like a hairless vagina. So vulgar!
Ah yes, that's the Sarah I love. She also had some choice abortion jokes. I think Sarah is at her best when she's the most crass. (See her Aristocrats video, for example.) Too bad she didn't have more new material and she was having an off night.