Wet Dreams Really Do Come True

What is my obsession with boys named Edward? First, I was "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with Edward from Twilight. (No need to reiterate -- you guys know how bad it got.) And now, just when I think it's safe to think about guys named Edward, the lead singer of Live, Ed *EFFING* Kowalczyk, goes and flirts with me, lets me kiss him, AND PRACTICALLY ASKS ME TO MARRY HIM!!!!!!!

If I sound a little excited, it's because I am. I'm listening to Live as I type this. The guy I just kissed is singing to me. Crazy times. Anyway, onto the greatest love story ever told....

So I went to the Live concert tonight at the Palazzo pool. It was like 5 of my favorite things all at once -- my "Friday," my payday, booze, Las Vegas at night, and Live (the band!)!

Well, the show was fantabulous, as always. Love love love them. Here's me like 12 feet from Ed, who is pictured in various stages of undress (or Eddie, as his friends -- which would include me -- call him):



So after the concert, we headed over to the poolside club, and who do I run into but Brazilian Marcia from Rock of Love Bus & Charm School?! Here's her and me, BFFs FOREVER:


She was so, SO nice. And so much smaller and prettier in real life than she is on the show. She must've stopped drinking for good, because she looked really skinny. We chatted about the other girls on the show, about how she lives in Vegas now, where she works-- BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THE STORY...

THE POINT IS, a little while later, Ed came in.

A crowd gathered around him. A bunch of short bitchez went up and attacked him and, the entire time, he just kept looking over at me and smiling. I'm not kidding. I was standing in front of him, a bunch of skanks were fluttering about, and he just kept looking at me. It was like a dream.

So I just went on up, cast the other bitchez aside, and gave him a great big hug. As I did so, I told him: "I'm 6'5", to answer your question. I saw you staring at me just now wondering." He seemed flabbergasted... in a good way. He said he thought I was standing on something. (Yeah yeah, I get that shit all the time, anywayz...)... Then we took a quick pic -- here:

Right after we took this photo, he leaned over and said to me, "6'5' is wonderful."

((record scratch))

I was like, "I'M SORRY, WHAT????"

And so he repeated it: "All 6'5" of you is wonderful." Oh shit. Panty pudding. He was looking me up and down as he said it too. Oh shit.

So then I poured my heart out to him. I said, "You know, I used to always say that if I could just marry your voice, I would. Just your voice. If I married your voice, I would be one happy housewife." He smiled and said, "That's very poetic."

AND THEN HE WHISPERED IN MY EAR: "My voice is single." Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

And then I did what any classy, married lady would do in that situation. I giggled, pulled away, and said, "Anytime, anywhere."

OH SHIT.

Then my friend Alexis tapped me on the shoulder and asked to get a picture, so I asked him to take one with her. I took a way better picture of them than she took of us. Not that I'm bitter. (Ok, I am):


Anyway, then I felt bad for talking to him for like an hour while all the other skanks watched in jealousy, so I decided to let him go. But not before I hugged him again... and kissed him on the cheek.

Ho-ly crap. I just kissed my biggest rock star crush ever on the cheek. Life is amazing.

Front row center

Last night, Alexis, Shannon, Vanessa, and I went out and saw Sarah Silverman. This was my third time. We had a good time overall, but I think this is going to be my last Sarah Silverman show for a while. She just does too many of the same jokes. If you want to see the pics from last night, click here.

The cool thing this time was that we were front row center, so we got to see a lot more of her performance and interact with her. When she first came out, she saw me taking pictures (no flash) and she posed for me. So that was really cute.

And one time I yelled out, "I love you Sarah!" and she was like, "Thanks, but I'm standing right here, you don't really have to yell."

And then a little while later, she sweated me for taking so many pictures. It doesn't take much to derail her train of thought, and I think it was distracting her, so she posed, I took my last 2 pics, and that was it.

A little while later, some heckler derailed her train of thought again, and she said the heckler was her friend "Michelle," but she refused to finish her joke because Michelle had thrown her off. So everyone was cheering for her to finish the joke, and when it became clear she wasn't going to, I yelled, "F- you, Michelle!" and she laughed. So that was kinda neat.

She interacted a lot with Vanessa too. I don't remember the exchanges though. Too self-absorbed I guess.

I always suspected she used notes on the stool she keeps next to her, but now that we were really close, we got to see the incriminating evidence up close. Also, she got way more thrown-off this time, and almost just, like, gave up at the end. So although she was as cute as ever, she didn't put on a super-fantastic show. I hate to say it.

You don't see that everyday

This is a picture of the bathroom lines during the intermission of Video Games Live (where the Las Vegas Philharmonic played the music of dozens of popular video games). The door on the right is the men's bathrooom. The door on the left is the women's bathroom. Notice there are only 3 women in line for the women's bathroom...

Someday, we'll look back and laugh

So I went and saw my girlfriend Sarah Silverman for the second time about a week ago. Brian was supposed to go with me, but he wanted to geek-out with his guy friends, so Vanessa went with me instead. In exchange, Brian was our designated driver, agreeing to drop us off and pick us up.

So the night's going great. We have dinner at the Pink Taco, get our drink on, go see Sarah Silverman, take some pictures of Sarah with my iPhone, hang out with some nice, funny girls from the audience -- everything's cool. Until I try to show one of the girls something on my iPhone and realize... it's gone.

I FREAK OUT. We ransack my purse, my pockets - it's nowhere to be found. We check with security, they check the theater - no luck. Lost and found also has nothing. Another Sarah Silverman show is about to start, so they tell us to check back after that. So we go to the dance club for a little while, then decide to head home.  On the way out, one security guard tells me she thinks they found my phone. I was like, SWEET! But then I check lost and found, and they still have nothing. I sit around (now with Brian) for another hour and a half, waiting for the show to be over and sweating security about having my phone and not giving it to me. In the end, they found nothing. 

Defeated, we decided to leave. We called the phone one last time before we left. Just then, my purse started vibrating. Turns out, it was in there all along. 

Brian was not pleased.

I tried to explain that we had all searched the purse - all four of us drunk chicks, and not one of us saw it. It must have been divine intervention. I really think the phone somehow teleported back into my purse, cuz I'm telling you, it was not there three hours before. Brian wasn't impressed. I tried to explain that it was a good thing we found the phone in my purse, not a bad thing, but that also didn't work. Brian was pissed, and I was going to get the beat-down, whether I liked it or not...

Fangirl

This weekend yielded many tales. We had our first 80's movie night on Friday, and then Saturday we took part in the Nevada Caucus. That's a long story I'm saving for later. Right after the caucus, we hopped in the car and drove to L.A. to see Brian's sister Erin at the premiere of her new play Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. The show was great. Hear the musical numbers here.

At the show, I just about died when I saw John Krasinski from The Office. Here's me and my pal John:

He was a super-nice guy. I pretty much went up to him all fangirl-like and told him how awesome he was and asked for a picture. It was just before the show was about to start and we were both grabbing last-minute drinks at the bar. He was really nice and said thank you and no problem. Then I was all, "Wow, you're pretty tall, that's cool." And he was all, "Thanks, so are you." And that was about it. I said thanks and went into the show all jazzed.

Inside, I noticed he was sitting with Rashida Jones from The Office. After the show, we went to the premiere party in the lobby, and they were there. When she had a moment to herself, I went all fangirl on her too. I was shocked at how pretty she was. Her eyes are absolutely stunning. I was kinda taken aback. Unfortunately, I made a fool out of myself. I knew she was on The Office, but I remembered her from another show back in the day. I thought I was cool for remembering, so I asked if she used to be on the Drew Carey Show. She said no. OH CRAP. I then asked what show she did before The Office, and she said, "Boston Public?" I was like, YES!" How embarrassing... Anyway, she was super incredibly nice. I can't even stress how nice she was. She asked me my name and who I knew in the show. We actually talked for like a good five minutes about the show and who we knew in the cast and what she's going to be working on next. Here's me and my pal Rashida:

Notice how we're so close we're touching faces? That's cuz we're BFF's.

Anyway, I also ran into the guy who plays Sylar on Heroes at the show, Zachary Quinto. He's also going to be Spock on the new Star Trek show. He was also really super-nice. He introduced himself as "Zach" and asked what my name was and who I knew in the show. To be honest, I don't remember much about what we talked about because I was kinda scared he was going to kill me, like he does to most people on Heroes. Anyway, here's me and my boy Zach. See if you can spot his freaky Spock eyebrows:


So that was my weekend. I can't wait for Erin's next big premiere. Hopefully I'm allowed back for another one. :-)

That was Wicked

Only three days in, and I've already broken my vow to blog every day in November. Oh well, you'll just get two instead of one today. So anyway...
Saturday we went to L.A. to see the musical Wicked. It was my birthday present from Brian. The show was amazing. It was pure visual and auditory candy. I think it's my favorite musical now. Definitely see it if you get the chance.

Being the fangirl that I am, I stayed after with all the other little kids to catch the cast on their way out. I ended up meeting Eden Espinoza, who played Elphiba, and Megan Hilty, who played Glinda. Here's Eden Espinoza as Elphiba:
And here's Eden Espinoza without her green make-up, with me, the fan girl:And here's Megan Hilty as Glinda:

And here's Megan Hilty out of costume with me, the fan girl:
As you can see, I really enjoyed myself.

The rest of the trip was really fun too. We stayed at a really nice hotel downtown with a view of the Hollywood sign. And we had dinner at this trendy sushi place on Wilshire Blvd. (It actually wasn't as good as the sushi places we go to at home, which kinda impressed us about Vegas, but it was nice nonetheless.) And we met up with my old friend Negar from law school at this fun little breakfast place in Sherman Oaks (where we had a brush with Britney - see bonus blogpost above). And we went shopping on Melrose. All in all, a very nice birthday/two-year-anniversary weekend.

Sarah Silverman is Magic

This weekend, we saw Sarah Silverman perform at the Mirage. It was so-so, and since I was super-pumped for the show, I guess that means it was a bit of a let-down.

On the one hand, she recycled a lot of her old jokes from the Jesus is Magic DVD, her energy was low, her timing was off, and she only performed for 40 minutes (that means the show was $2 per minute per person). On the other hand, we got to see about five minutes worth of new clips from next season of her show and she tested out some of the material she's thinking about using next Sunday night at the MTV VMA's. And, no matter how you slice it, it's Sarah SIlverman, who is pretty much the cutest thing ever, so, really, who can complain?

Spoiler alert!

Wanna hear the jokes she might use at the 2007 VMA's? One of the funny ones I can remember was about Amy Winehouse. She said something about Amy being Jewish, then asked, "She is Jewish, right? Well if she's not, someone needs to tell her face." I thought that one was hilArious!

Then she started talking about how it's weird that Amy WInehouse would have a last name like Winehouse, cuz that's, like, the last place she should be. "It's like George Bush's last name being Whitehouse, or Lindsay Lohan's last name being Behind-the-Wheel-of-a-Car." Ba-dum-bum.

Probably the most extreme joke she told was about Britney Spears. I have a feeling she'll use it too, since Britney Spears is expected to be there and Sarah's popularity sky-rocketed after the MTV Movie Awards earlier this year, where she bagged on Paris Hilton as Paris sat helpless in the audience.

So anyway, first Sarah talked about how much Britney has grown up. How a few years ago, she was just a little girl, dressed like a whore and writhing around the stage at the VMA's with a snake, and now she's a mom with two kids. Then Sarah pretended to take it back, saying it was mean -- that she shouldn't talk about Madonna like that.

Then she talked about how cute Britney Spears' kids were. Just as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of. "They look just like it too," she said. "Like this!" Then she smashed her lips together with her hands to make duck lips and turned her head sideways so they were vertical. Yes, like a hairless vagina. So vulgar!

Ah yes, that's the Sarah I love. She also had some choice abortion jokes. I think Sarah is at her best when she's the most crass. (See her Aristocrats video, for example.) Too bad she didn't have more new material and she was having an off night.

Oh, by the way betch...

So I went to see the comedian who does the Shoes video, Liam Sullivan, last Friday night at the House of Blues. The show was good - definitely worth the price of admission.

The opening act was this hilariously crass chick named Amy Claire. Then came Liam (aka Kelly). He showed a couple of his sketch comedy videos and then came out as Kelly to perform Text Message Break-Up and Shoes live.

We also got to see the brand new, unreleased Let Me Borrow That Top video. It was pretty frickin' funny. As funny as Shoes, I'd say. It's got all the same actors as the Shoes video, plus a few cameos by Margaret Cho, Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls (WOO!), and Dave Navarro. Oh, and here's a little bit of trivia: Kid Rock's sister, Jill Ritchie, who you may recognize from Arrested Development, plays the bitchy beauty queen next door in the video, from whom Kelly wishes to borrow that top. It's really so good. I can't wait for it to come out on YouTube.
After the show, Liam Sullivan greeted some of his fans. He was whisked away shortly after he met with us, so it was cool that we got to meet him. We talked about the Dresden Dolls and how he's in their new video for Shores of California. He said he didn't even know who they were until after he shot the video, but now he loves them. How funny is that? Alright, so here are some pics from the show. How cool is he??

OMG, that was SO gay.

We went to the True Colors Tour last night. For all you link-o-phobics, that's the tour in support of homo, lesbo, and trannie equality. Those gays really know how to put on a show, lemme tell ya. Even Brian, who had no interest in any of the acts, had a good time. Here's how it went down...

My primary reason for going was because I love love love the song Good Day by the Dresden Dolls. They mostly do East Coast shows, so this was one of the only opportunities I'd have to see them. All I wanted was to hear that one song. I paid $250 for two seats on the floor, to see that one song.

I didn't get to hear or see that one song. Although the web site suggested they'd be the second or third opening act, they were actually the first. The show started at 8pm. We got there at 8:15pm. They were well into their third song. They only played two more songs while we were there, and while the songs were spectacular (Coin-Operated Boy & Girl Anachronism), they were not Good Day.

"Why is my life such a Greek tragedy?," I wondered. I had to find out for-sure whether either of the first two songs were my song. I asked a couple of people, but no one could tell me for sure. Then the Dresden Dolls announced they'd be meeting fans by the merchandise table.

HO-LY CRAP. I forgot my digital camera. WHY THE F@CK IS MY LIFE SUCH A GREEK TRAGEDY???

So we ended up meeting the band. Amanda Palmer was really nice, though I think she may have been under the influence of something cuz she asked me what city we were in. Whatever. She was nice. The guy, Brian Viglione was a bit cooler. Cooler like stand-offish, not cooler like badass. But they were nice enough to sign our tickets and a tank top I got and take pictures with us, so as far as I'm concerned he was nice too. Plus, he confirmed that they at no time performed Good Day that night. OH THANK GOODNESS! (I don't think he understood why I was so happy.) I asked some guy there to take our picture and email it to me. He said he'd send it next Wednesday. (fingers-crossed)

So even though I didn't get to hear my song, I did get to meet the artists, which was really cool. Oh, I forgot to mention that Amanda really does have crazy squiggly lines tattooed as eyebrows. And she grows her armpit hair super-long like a man. So that was pretty interesting to see up close. We had to miss the Indigo Girls to meet the band, but that's okay.

The rest of the show went like this...

Deborah Harry was surreal. (She'll be 62 next month). It felt like we were watching Florence Henderson rock out. Except each time she would move a little like she was getting into the music, she would stop like her hip was hurting or like her vertigo was setting in. It did not help her rock n' roll image that she had a Florence Henderson haircut and performed in capri pants and a white, collared, button-up shirt. Poor thing just seemed confused. She was the only one that didn't come back out at the end of it all for the big finale. We figured she fell asleep backstage or something. Poor thing.

Margaret Cho was hilarious. Rosie O'Donnell was hilarious.

Erasure was the super-ultra-gayest band ever. And by that, I mean they were super-ultra-fabulous. I had no idea they were the official gay-anthem band. (Famous gay anthoms include Take a Chance on Me, Respect, and Oh L'amour.) They definitely brought out the go-go boy in all of us.

Cyndi Lauper (she'll be 54 this month) was really cool. She was the opposite of Debbie Harry. Still highly energetic and bubbly, still modern and fun. Of course the place went crazy when she did Girls Just Want to Have Fun (w/ Rosie O'Donnell on the drums). And I totally called the weepy closing number with all the bands on-stage holding hands and singing True Colors. It was nice anyway.

Even though I didn't get to hear my one song, I definitely feel like I got my money's worth. Go to the HRC website to read about what that group's doing try and make the world less hateful toward the gays.

Defeated

I am so incredibly exhausted. This weekend was crazy.

Friday night a big group of us went out for Alexis' 30th birthday. We started at the Hofbrauhaus then went over to the Beatles bar, Revolution, at the Mirage. $1300$1700 later (spent on tableside bottleservice), there was almost a fist-fight in our group, one of our friends disappeared until 8:30 the next morning, and our 400 lb. friend Brad was absolutely wasted. The only one half-sober enough to manage the situation was Shannon, who weighs about a quarter of what Brad weighs. Kudos to Shannon for somehow getting him into her car.
Saturday, I had promised my three nephews I'd take them to this kid's festival thing, so I dragged my ass out of bed after four hours of sleep to go see Spongebob and Spiderman in person. It was grotesquely hot and the boys were wild. On the bright side, this is the best birth control EVER.

I got to collapse for about an hour before going back out Saturday night for some more birthday festivities. This time it was a "surprise" birthday dinner followed by karaoke for my friend the Housekeeper. More drinking into the wee hours of the night. No fights or missing persons this time, but I did do a horrific rendition of Sublime's Santeria, for which I should be severely punished. God awful. Here's me and the Housekeeper doing our terrible duet, censored with a picture of my cat. Inside joke.

Sunday was Mother's Day. We started out nice and early (after 5 hours sleep) with a nice brunch at Roy's, followed by a visit to the Titanic exhibit with Brian's mom and two of my nephews. The baby was one of them that we took, which made for a super-exhausting time at the museum.

Later we met up w/ the Housekeeper, who shared her sweet hook-ups with us so that we could all go see Spamalot. I liked it a lot. Thought it was really cute. Brian, a Monty Python purist, had some OCD issues with it not being just like the movie. ((shrug)) I don't know. I've never been a huge fan of the movie, but I love musicals, and thought this one was really cool. Sidenote: I guess Alice Cooper was sitting behind us, but I didn't notice.

Today I think I got my punishment for that horrible karaoke song. I had two dentist appointments - one for my latest stubborn bastard of a tooth problem, and the other for a follow-up on my tooth implant. Both were devastatingly traumatic. I think I have an official fear of dentists, starting today.

We were supposed to have a make-up Mother's Day dinner tonight with Brian's stepmom, but I just can't do anymore. I'm going to go veg out in front of the TV for the rest of the night. I just can't take anymore fun.

I feel like I should say something.

Sorry about all the awkward silence. Just busy I guess. Let's see, fun-wise, we saw Grindhouse on Friday night. I really enjoyed it. Go see it.

Saturday we went hiking at Redrock w/ my friends Jeanny & Josh who were in town. Saturday night we went to some fancy-schmancy trendy restaurant in the Hard Rock called Simon's. It was way overpriced and not worth it. Although if you're looking for a giant ball of cotton candy for dessert, that would be your place. Came home and watched Children of Men. I hated it, even though it had my favorite actor Clive Owen in it.

Sunday I slept in instead of doing the AIDS walk with my friends and husband. What? Someone had to play the part of the sponsor. Then we went over to Kev-dawg's house and bbq'd and played games. All in all a nice weekend.

I got tickets for next week to see Dita Von Teese doing her burlesque act at one of the shows here in town. I can't wait. Check her out if you don't know who she is or what she's about.

That's all I got.