Hip-Hop Hoor -- oh hell no.

I tried the hip-hop dance class at the gym last night. It was a fu$&ing tragedy. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty when I noticed that the front row was all Asian strippers in midriff hoodies and sports bras.

After five minutes of poppin' and lockin', I was ready to go. My friend Bethany wouldn't let me leave though. Later, the guy in front of her wouldn't stop looking back at her and laughing. She almost cried. I knew we should have left earlier...

I don't think I was the worst in the class. I caught maybe every 4th step or so. But I definitely did not have a good time. And it was not enough movement to be considered a good workout. So I wasted an hour, felt like a gimp, didn't get my cardio done, and hurt my knee.

But for some reason, we're going to try it again next week.

Lesson #633: Don't ever get a dental implant with only a local anaesthetic

GOOD GOD. Yesterday, I had the worst dental experience of my life. One and a half hours of drilling into jawbone, jamming metal sockets in there and then LITERALLY jamming in screws with a socket wrench. There was a lot of unexpected water being splashed around and some tinkering with a chisel as well. Oh, and I got lucky and got the dingbat dental assistant on her first oral surgery. Bitch kept throwing heavy-ass tools down on my chest. The doctor had to remind her that she was dealing with a live person.

Today, my doctor called to see how I was doing. I told him the truth: "I'm in pain and I look like a monster, how do you think I feel?" I then chastised him for failing to give me valium before the procedure and told him it was the worst dental experience of my life. That's when he mentioned that they were going to start using an IV drip to administer some kind of sedative during the procedure from now on. Wow, that makes me feel a whole lot less traumatized. Fucker.

Lesson #632: Low-rise jeans call for a good belt and a pair of low-rise thongs

Friday night we went to our favorite Japanese restaurant in Chinatown for dinner. This chick was sitting at the sushi bar directly across from me like this all night. We contemplated saying something to her, but then decided the best thing for everyone would be if we just made fun of her behind her back.