Hip-Hop Hoor -- oh hell no.

I tried the hip-hop dance class at the gym last night. It was a fu$&ing tragedy. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty when I noticed that the front row was all Asian strippers in midriff hoodies and sports bras.

After five minutes of poppin' and lockin', I was ready to go. My friend Bethany wouldn't let me leave though. Later, the guy in front of her wouldn't stop looking back at her and laughing. She almost cried. I knew we should have left earlier...

I don't think I was the worst in the class. I caught maybe every 4th step or so. But I definitely did not have a good time. And it was not enough movement to be considered a good workout. So I wasted an hour, felt like a gimp, didn't get my cardio done, and hurt my knee.

But for some reason, we're going to try it again next week.

Crack Band

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLAY ROCK BAND FOR THE XBOX 360. It's like crack. I don't even like video games and I'm hooked on that shi*. And because it's a group game, we're all collectively hooked - Brian on the guitar, Brad on the drums, Alexis on the guitar/bass, and David and me on vocals/bass. We've gotten so far in the game that our band, The Hella Killers, has earned its own private jet. We are out of control. Trust me. Your safest bet is just not to start.

Domin-Ho's: The Conclusion

I got a message from "Jack" on my answering machine today, "a supervisor in Las Vegas."

Apparently, he got my email about the CRP and Parmesan.

He let me know that: "it's been well over a year since [they've] carried them. They are looking at bringing them back, but, uh, as of now, no stores in Vegas do carry them. Uh, [he] will pass this on though. And, uh, hopefully we can get them back soon. Thank you."

That's word for word. It's hard to convey the contemptuous tone of his voice through text though. Thanks a lot for giving me absolutely no useful information. F*&@ing useless drone.

Viva la resistance!!

Domino's Response

Hmmm... I wonder if our movement actually garnered some attention. First, I got a hit on my blogpost from this web address: "gateway4.dominos.com (65.119.145.130)," indicating that Big Brother may, in fact, be watching. Then I got the following email. Bravo fellow freedom fighters, either way!


Dominos Case #: ******

Dear Mrs. *********,

Thank you for taking the time to contact the Domino's Pizza Customer Care Team.

I appreciate your comments and would like to apologize for this situation. I would also like to forward your concern to the Operations Director for your local store in order to have this matter taken care of, however, I need some additional information from you.

Could you please reply to this email at customercare@dominoscustomercare.com with the store's address and/or phone number, including the area code? Please make sure the customer case number listed in this email is in the subject line of your reply so we can promptly expedite your concern.

Thank you in advance for your response.

Sincerely,


Kate
Domino's Pizza Customer Care T.E.A.M.

Excuse me, could you tell me what planet I'm on?

You all know I hate to get all political n' shi*, but I just learned a very troubling bit of information that cannot go unaddressed. APPARENTLY, Domino's Pizza no longer carries crushed red pepper or parmesan cheese. No seriously.

They said they haven't carried them for over a year. Are they freaking kidding me? That's like McDonald's deciding they're just going to go ahead and not carry ketchup for their fries. Or Taco Bell deciding to give hot sauce a miss this year. I'm just going to come out and say it: that's totally freakin' lame.

This injustice calls for a major organized response. Much like in college, when the stoners rose from their hazy dorm rooms in protest of the generic Lucky Charms being served in the dining commons, I'm asking the parmesan and crushed red pepper lovers out there to rise up in protest of this atrocity. If the stoners can get real Lucky Charms back into the DC, we can get our condiments back into the Domino's Pizzas of America. Just think. If this ridiculous cost-cutting measure isn't quelled now, it could spread and inspire other tasty, low-cost pizza chains to do the same. We can't let that happen. "Rise up in the cafeterias and stab them with your plastic forks!!"*

Here is a link to the Domino's Pizza online complaint form. If you are as outraged as I am, please take a moment to make your voice heard. Here is a sample letter you can cut and paste into the form:

Dear Sir/Madame: I just learned that you no longer carry parmesan cheese or crushed red pepper in your store for your pizzas. That's like McDonald's not carrying ketchup for their fries or Taco Bell not carrying hot sauce for their tacos. Or like an airline choosing not to pass out peanuts. It may save your company money, but that money is saved at the expense of your red-pepper and parmesan-loving customers. I personally cannot eat pizza without crushed red peppers on it. Until they are returned to your stores, I will take my business elsewhere. Thank you for taking the time to read my complaint.

Remember the words of Cesar Chavez: Si se puede!!

* From Pump Up the Volume, circa 1990.

Lesson #633: Don't ever get a dental implant with only a local anaesthetic

GOOD GOD. Yesterday, I had the worst dental experience of my life. One and a half hours of drilling into jawbone, jamming metal sockets in there and then LITERALLY jamming in screws with a socket wrench. There was a lot of unexpected water being splashed around and some tinkering with a chisel as well. Oh, and I got lucky and got the dingbat dental assistant on her first oral surgery. Bitch kept throwing heavy-ass tools down on my chest. The doctor had to remind her that she was dealing with a live person.

Today, my doctor called to see how I was doing. I told him the truth: "I'm in pain and I look like a monster, how do you think I feel?" I then chastised him for failing to give me valium before the procedure and told him it was the worst dental experience of my life. That's when he mentioned that they were going to start using an IV drip to administer some kind of sedative during the procedure from now on. Wow, that makes me feel a whole lot less traumatized. Fucker.

NBA All-Star Suckfest

The NBA All-Star game was in town this weekend. I got free tickets to go to one of the "Jam sessions" on Thursday. It was lame. In fact, there's a picture of my nephew not having a good time at all.

They advertised it as being an opportunity to meet, mingle, and play games with your favorite NBA players. Well, that was false advertising as far as we're concerned. The only people we saw were like 5 players from the 70's. And the entertainment they provided was, like, a game of horse. The rest of the thing was lame basketball-themed carnival-style booths run by the sponsors. Laaame. Anyway, at least I got this cute picture of my nephew pretending to be a WNBA player. A Sacramento Monarch too! Woo hoo!