I'm about to part with a dear secret...

My favorite show right now - even moreso than Project Runway - is The Contender. This is super bizarre, right? Cuz the show is about BOXING (which I never knew I liked) and because it airs on ESPN (which I've never watched.) (Literally, never.) (Ever ever.)

So here's the thing about The Contender. I get so stressed out while watching it, i can barely finish an episode. I freak out Tom Cruise-style on my couch during the fight scenes.

Here's me watching an epidode:

"Oh no! No no no no no no! Don't hit him! Aye, don't hit him! Dodge! Dodge! Eek eek eek eek eek... AGH! Aye, no me peges!!! NOOO!! YES!! Hit him! Get him! Yeah, hit him again!! Knock him out! Knock his fuc*in' ass out! Oh! Ow, ow ow, don't hurt him!"

And then I cry. That's right, the damn show makes me cry, with its underdog story lines and its blaring hero music. You are a powerful and irrational master, Mark Burnett!!!

This week's episode was one of the most exciting to date. Ebo Elder, the sweet Christian fighter from Georgia, got knocked out in the fourth round after winning rounds one through three against his good friend. (Whose name escapes me because the episode wasn't edited in a way that would make me care about him. But anyway...) So Ebo's adorable 6-year-old is left weeping The winner is left sad and miserable in the locker room because he can't forgive himself for crushing his friend's dream. And Ebo gets taken away in an ambulance, but remains as sweet and as chipper as ever about the whole thing.

That is some good fuc*in' television, man.