You all know I hate to get all political n' shi*, but I just learned a very troubling bit of information that cannot go unaddressed. APPARENTLY, Domino's Pizza no longer carries crushed red pepper or parmesan cheese. No seriously.
They said they haven't carried them for over a year. Are they freaking kidding me? That's like McDonald's deciding they're just going to go ahead and not carry ketchup for their fries. Or Taco Bell deciding to give hot sauce a miss this year. I'm just going to come out and say it: that's totally freakin' lame.
This injustice calls for a major organized response. Much like in college, when the stoners rose from their hazy dorm rooms in protest of the generic Lucky Charms being served in the dining commons, I'm asking the parmesan and crushed red pepper lovers out there to rise up in protest of this atrocity. If the stoners can get real Lucky Charms back into the DC, we can get our condiments back into the Domino's Pizzas of America. Just think. If this ridiculous cost-cutting measure isn't quelled now, it could spread and inspire other tasty, low-cost pizza chains to do the same. We can't let that happen. "Rise up in the cafeterias and stab them with your plastic forks!!"*
Here is a link to the Domino's Pizza online complaint form. If you are as outraged as I am, please take a moment to make your voice heard. Here is a sample letter you can cut and paste into the form:
Dear Sir/Madame: I just learned that you no longer carry parmesan cheese or crushed red pepper in your store for your pizzas. That's like McDonald's not carrying ketchup for their fries or Taco Bell not carrying hot sauce for their tacos. Or like an airline choosing not to pass out peanuts. It may save your company money, but that money is saved at the expense of your red-pepper and parmesan-loving customers. I personally cannot eat pizza without crushed red peppers on it. Until they are returned to your stores, I will take my business elsewhere. Thank you for taking the time to read my complaint.
Remember the words of Cesar Chavez: Si se puede!!
* From Pump Up the Volume, circa 1990.
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