Wednesday, April 30, 2008

God will punish you

Brian has a strict "no horn" policy in his car. Every time somebody cuts him off or nearly hits him while I'm in the passenger seat, I reach for his horn because I know he will never honk it himself. He's always able to fight me off before I can honk it though.

In my car, it's a different story. It's not that I'm a liberal horn-honker. I'm just not afraid to use it in non-emegency situations to communicate my distaste for what other drivers are doing.

So last night, I'm driving home from seeing Ironman (which freakin' ROCKED, btw), and I'm trying to merge onto the freeway, but this guy won't let me on. Well, my lane is about to let me right back off the freeway, so I slam my brakes and merge behind the guy at the last possible second. In a mini-exercise of wrath (a total sin, mind you), I honked my horn. Unfortunately, it got stuck.

I slowed way down hoping to lose the guy I had just honked at. The last thing I needed was for him to shoot me for laying on my horn. I proceeded to slap and punch my steering wheel in an effort to get it to stop honking. This continued for the next 15 miles. Instead of going home and waking up my neighbors at 10 o'clock at night, I pulled into a parking lot to see if I could fix the problem.

I turned the car on and off, and nothing. I got out and kicked the steering wheel, and nothing. The sound blared on and on. So agitating. So embarassing. Straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. I looked in the owner's manual, and there was nothing about the horn getting stuck. I called Brian to come help, then called Triple A to see if they could help (having to yell over my deafening horn for the lady to hear what I was calling about).

While I sat there waiting, people kept driving by and slowing down to see why I was honking my horn. Was I slumped over the wheel? In need of help? Stealing a car? I just waved them on by. Nothing to see here, keep moving along people.

Forty minutes after it started, Brian managed to get it to stop. (My hero.) Although I was tempted to test the horn to see if it would get stuck again, I resisted. I've learned my lesson. I have now implemented a strict "no horn" policy in my car as well.


Bradley said...

That is freaking hilarious! Not to mention, God's way of telling you to get a new car...that one's shot!

Shannon said...

This is the funniest thing I've heard in a while. I didn't think that really happened.

I don't understand Brian's no horn policy. How does he let others know they're driving like assholes? That's common road courtesy.

Brian said...

I feel that my policy has been mischaracterized. It would be better described as a "No Unnecessary Horn" policy.

I'll honk if someone is in peril of hitting me, or someone else in my vicinity. However, if someone is just being an ass, but causing no immediate danger, I don't see any reason to honk. The driver undoubtedly knows he is being an ass, and my opinion of him is worth very little.

Sweet Coalminer said...

Cory is like Brian.

I love your horn karma. I have some too.

My first car's horn didn't work at all. I was in college, and I got used to pretending to honk it at totally inappropriate moments as a joke. I laid in on it all the time at people who were going to speed limit, etc. to vent frustration, since it didn't work.

I was at a crosswalk and an old lady was crossing the road with a walker really slowly - like a cartoon, seriously - and I laid in on my silent horn, and, like the 3rd year I owned that car, it suddenly started working! I scared the shit out of her and me and my passengers who totally knew my horn was broken.

I was that person that had the license plate holder that said "Horn broken watch for finger".

I am so reformed now. :)

Bradley said...

A car without a horn really is not a car at all.

We need more people using their horn. Too much pacifism here in the US and it starts with our drivers.

Pretty soon we'll be another india.

change your third world policy of not using your horn!

Shawna said...

nice! Funny stuff...