What a Fu@%ing Loser

Sorry I'm such a bad blogger. I've been distracted with Facebook. It's just so quick, short and to the point. That and I'm totally engrossed reading Twilight. I'm all of a sudden all giddy and obsessed with Edward, the hot vampire boy in the book. It's getting a little out of control. I'm thinking about sneaking off by myself to the theater to see the movie. I don't think I could find anyone to go with. I just have to finish the book first. Should be done by this weekend.

Let's see, other stuff that's been going on... Brian was nice enough to get us a room and spa package for Valentine's Day, so we did that last weekend, which was nice. But I started getting sick on V-day, so that put a damper on things. The spa was nice though. We tried Sushisamba at the Pallazzo that night for dinner. It wasn't good though. :-(

The rest of the week I spent sick at home reading Twilight. Loser. Oh well. At least I'm not smoking crack. It could be much, much worse.

That's all for now.

No more funny business

We're back from our fabulous trip. All went well, except I got a little cold on day 8, which lasted until day 16, and Brian got crazy non-stop diarrhea as soon as we got to Hong Kong on Day 16. It lasted through the flight home on day 18 and didn't stop until about 2 days after we got home.

Remember our HIV primary care doctor? Well, he was nice enough to squeeze Brian in for an appointment the day before Thanksgiving. It turns out Brian had a parasite. Specifically, giardia. All is well now, but the doctor's visit is worth mentioning.

Brian asked if it was contagious. The doctor said, "No, not unless someone's licking your rectum. That may not be a concern for you, but you'd be surprised how common it is in the gay community." Em. Awesome. So yeah. Our doctor is pretty colorful. The HIV Primary Care rocks.

I think we're going to stick with him as our doctor. This is the second time he's impressed us with his super-smarts, and someone at work told me he's very highly regarded as a medical expert in the legal community. Plus, I get a funny story out of it every time either of us goes in. What's not to love?

Weird Dream

I had a dream this morning that Brian turned into a vampire and wanted to kill me. He had his hands around my throat at one point, trying to kill me or pin me or something, and I looked at him and said, "I know the real Brian is in there somewhere, and I know he would never kill me." The real Brian then came through for a second and fought off the vampire urge to kill me. He let me go and told me to run away. He couldn't hold off his homicidal urges for very long.

As I ran for the door, I realized that me escaping was no resolution at all. I would never see him again. So I went back and told him to just kill me - that I'd rather be dead than be away from him. He then grabbed me from behind. As I was standing there waiting for him to rip out my throat, his grip turned into an embrace and he turned human again. Seeing as how I was all prepared to die and everything, I was kind of surprised. I was like, "Wait a sec, did our love just cure you?" and Brian was all, "Yeah, I guess so." And then we were all happy and made out.

WEIRD!

God will punish you

Brian has a strict "no horn" policy in his car. Every time somebody cuts him off or nearly hits him while I'm in the passenger seat, I reach for his horn because I know he will never honk it himself. He's always able to fight me off before I can honk it though.

In my car, it's a different story. It's not that I'm a liberal horn-honker. I'm just not afraid to use it in non-emegency situations to communicate my distaste for what other drivers are doing.

So last night, I'm driving home from seeing Ironman (which freakin' ROCKED, btw), and I'm trying to merge onto the freeway, but this guy won't let me on. Well, my lane is about to let me right back off the freeway, so I slam my brakes and merge behind the guy at the last possible second. In a mini-exercise of wrath (a total sin, mind you), I honked my horn. Unfortunately, it got stuck.

I slowed way down hoping to lose the guy I had just honked at. The last thing I needed was for him to shoot me for laying on my horn. I proceeded to slap and punch my steering wheel in an effort to get it to stop honking. This continued for the next 15 miles. Instead of going home and waking up my neighbors at 10 o'clock at night, I pulled into a parking lot to see if I could fix the problem.

I turned the car on and off, and nothing. I got out and kicked the steering wheel, and nothing. The sound blared on and on. So agitating. So embarassing. Straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. I looked in the owner's manual, and there was nothing about the horn getting stuck. I called Brian to come help, then called Triple A to see if they could help (having to yell over my deafening horn for the lady to hear what I was calling about).

While I sat there waiting, people kept driving by and slowing down to see why I was honking my horn. Was I slumped over the wheel? In need of help? Stealing a car? I just waved them on by. Nothing to see here, keep moving along people.

Forty minutes after it started, Brian managed to get it to stop. (My hero.) Although I was tempted to test the horn to see if it would get stuck again, I resisted. I've learned my lesson. I have now implemented a strict "no horn" policy in my car as well.

Even more evidence that Brian and I are bound by fate...

If you're best friends with either Brian or myself, fate has determined that you must currently have an external fixator drilled into your leg.

Brian's best friend David, who broke his leg on Memorial Day weekend:


Claudia's best friend Allison, who had surgery to correct a leg problem just after MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!:

Coincidence or phenomenon? Decide for yourself.
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GIMME THAT CHEETO!!

Oh, blessed day! Today was Easter (also known as the day I got to eat Cheetos again). I gave up fried food for lent, so now, after 40 days of suffering, I finally got to stuff my face with yummy, crispy, greasy, goodness. I had Flamin' Hot Lime Cheetos for breakfast, followed by fried zucchini and onion rings. My stomach has seen better days, but I don't care, cuz it was divine. Stupid Costco was closed today or else I would have had a churro first thing. Oh well. Tomorrow will be my french fries and churro day. YUM!

Here's the awesome Easter basket Brian made for me:

Brian also observed lent this year, even though he's not really Catholic. I think he does it for the anticipation/satisfaction. Anyway, he gave up action figures, so he's been tearing open toys all day. Too bad Toys 'R Us was closed, or else he would have gone out and gotten more. Here he is with crazy eyes loving on the basket I made for him:

I wish that the retarded could all be resmarted.

Sorry I've been so distant lately. I really don't have a whole lot to report.

I got my first grown-up purse on Saturday. She's beautiful and I named her Tallulah. Here she is:

I love her. Brian makes fun of me when he catches me gazing lovingly at her. He also gives me crap for spending so much money on her and her matching wallet of a little sister. It's really random that I got her. I just saw a friend with a really gorgeous designer bag and got all jealous and had to have one for myself. Weird.

What else? We saw the movie 300 the other night. I liked it for the same reasons I liked Sin City. You won't like it if you can't tolerate melodrama. But the visual effects were good, so overall I was pretty satisfied.

What else? Oh! I'm going to Reno next weekend to see my college girlie friends. I can't wait!!!

What else? Oh! I'm going to see the Dresden Dolls in concert in June. That is great great news because they are one of my favorite bands right now. They're coming with Cyndi Lauper and Erasure and a whole bunch of other bands for this big gayfest tour.

That's about it. I've pretty much been working 12-hour days this week, so I haven't had much time for anything too exciting to happen. Better luck next week.

Oscar Smackdown, The Results Show

C'mon, Helen Mirren wasn't THAT good. And Happy Feet? Over Cars??? Donovan would go ape-sh*t if he found out. At least they got the awards for Best Picture and Best Director right. I still think No Time for Nuts was robbed. Anyway, here are the winners of my Oscar challenge:

1st Place: Cladeedah +12
2nd Place: My Nephew +10 (Takes after his auntie)
3rd Place: Nick, Cherie, and Sugafree tied at +8 (Wow guys, how does it feel to lose to a 12-year-old?)
4th Place: Housekeeper +7 (And to think, this whole thing was your idea.)
5th Place: Brian +0 (But he gets an honorable mention for being the cutest, funniest, and the most clever.)

Looks like I get to keep the special, amazing, dazzling prize for myself this year. Which is probably a good thing, since I hadn't quite yet decided what it was going to be. Probably my duplicate copy of Stuff on My Cat that I got for Christmas. Oh well, better luck next year suckas!!!!

UH-OH UH-OH Here Comes the Oscar

I'm filling out my balllot now. I'll post it in a little bit as a comment. POST YOUR BALLOT PICKS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION NOW SO I CAN SHOW YOU HOW MUCH BETTER THAN YOU I AM AT PICKING GOOD MOVIES!!!!!

Here's the printable ballot.

V for Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day! It's a day late, but the sentiment is still there, right?

I had a great Valentine's Day. I spent the morning handing out valentines and candy to all the people at work. Then in the afternoon, I had a Domestic Violence trial that I won, so that was cool.

Then after work, Brian took me out for a surprise date. We went to Fusia at the Luxor, which was really good. Then we went over and saw Mamma Mia at the Mandalay Bay. It was super-awesome. I've been wanting to see that show for a long time, so I was really happy when I found out that was the surprise. You should all go see it. It's super-cute. After the show, we ajourned to our spa suite at the Luxor. Brian had decorated the room with heart-shaped balloons and tissue paper rose-petals. Awwwe... He also got me a cute mechanical giraffe that grows taller and taller as it sings "Your love is lifting me higher." Awwwe.... And the Post Secret book I've been wanting. Awwwee...

Unfortunately, he had to go to work this morning. He had told me before that we'd be out late, so I planned ahead and took today off. So now I get a full day to recover. Yay! But I have to spend it alone. Boo!

For my part, I got him this super awesome 30" Apple HD monitor for his computer. He really liked it, so I think I did good. Girls have it so easy.

Ok, that is pretty cool.

I'm not sure if other credit card companies do this. It's the first time I've seen it. Discover lets you pick your credit card design from hundreds of choices. I picked this one cuz I like giraffes. I also picked another clear, funky dots pattern. You can pick as many different card designs as you want. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Brian wondered why a credit card company would spend so much money doing such a thing. To me, it was obvious. I'm sure Discover is looking for any reason they can give customers to pass up that Visa and Mastercard and use the Discover. I'm personally more likely to reach for this card now that it's got the positive connotation of my favorite animal. And since Discover gives a pretty good cashback bonus, there's no good reason not to.

Beauty and the Geek

...is my new favorite TV show. I love love love how nerdy the guys on the show are. They are so endearing. And the girls are so ditsy, it's hilarious. Brian and I like to play along with the contestants on the quiz challenge at the end of every show. He tries to answer the questions on fashion and pop culture along with the geeks and I try to answer the questions about politics and aeronautics alongside the beauties. It's actually pretty funny how geeky he is and how ditsy I am.

The nerve of some bitchez

Target cashiers are officially on this week's tripping list. The other day this snatch tried rushing me through my transaction. Then today, some little Target cashier ho-bag tried picking up on my husband!

I guess he was checking out, (I wasn't there, lucky for her) and this little ho was all, "Wow, you're tall. How tall are you? Blah blah blah..." You know, the usual. So Brian tells her, and then she's all like, "Wow. Is your girlfriend tall?" And Brian says, "Yeah, my WIFE is 6'5"." (Hint hint, bitch.) Then, (this is when the little ho-bag signed off on her own death warrant) bitch goes, "Oh. Well. Have you ever been with a short girl before?"

All Brian could think was, "Oh my God, you have no idea how quickly my wife would have snatched out your eyes just now if she had heard you say that." From then on, he just focused all his attention on the credit card keypad, all the while thinking, "My wife is going to find this girl and kill her if I keep talking to her." Damn right. Hooker is lucky I gave Brad back his AK.