Oh my gawd, that was AWESOME!!!

We got to see a sneak preview of Transformers last night. Brian described it best when he said it was like eating frosting right out of the container. On the one hand, the story was retarded & full of plot holes, the dialogue super-cheesy, the characters flat stereotypes and the jokes lame. On the other hand, the transformers were AWESOME!!!!

During one of the first scenes where a Transformer transforms (Barricade is jumping through the air as a robot and then lands as a badass police car), you could actually hear the simultaneous gasp of every guy in the theater getting a stiffy. The gasps and applause continued throughout the movie, every time they showed a new transformer transform (ESPECIALLY when they revealed Optimus Prime) and everytime the robots fought.

In the end, I was left with one thought: "Oh my gawd, that was AWESOME!!!" So even though it isn't going to be winning any Oscars this year, it was still super bad-ass and super exhilarating. I will most likely see it again in the theater. Oh, and the super-hot chick lead, Megan Fox, was, in fact, really really hot. So yeah, just in case you needed another reason to go see it.

Fight fire with fire

As most of you probably know, I was peer-pressured into doing this Community Emergency Response Team class a few weeks ago. Basically, I have to go to class from 9am-12pm every Saturday morning for 5 weeks in order to get certified in how to survive and/or help others in an earthquake/fire/flood/disaster/other emergency.

I know what you're thinking. I hate 1) getting up early, 2) most other people, and 3) most physical activities, so what makes me think I would like any part of this? Honestly, I wondered the same thing.

But it's actually been pretty interesting so far. Yes, the instructors are melodramatic and somewhat... unsophisticated, BUT last week we did get to practice putting out a fire with this psuedo-bbq-firemaker-thing. That was kinda cool, I GUESS. And I guess we're learning some useful things about owning a home and what-not. So so far, it doesn't suck too bad.

Here's my goofy ass putting out a fire last week.

Get out of my dreams, Paris Hilton!

I've been having a lot of dreams about Paris Hilton lately. The other night, I dreamt that I was at a party, and I didn't really know anyone there, but then I saw Paris and I was kind of relieved, but still too shy to approach her. So then she saw me and was all intrigued by my height, so she came over and said hello. She was surprisingly tall with heels on - almost as tall as me without heels on. I was like, "Hey, why are you trying to be taller than me?" And she was like, "Because it's cool." She tried to stand on her tippy-toes to try and be taller than me, but it didn't work. Came close though. So then I wanted to ask her for a picture with her, but I thought it would kill our rapport if I asked, so I didn't. Later, someone else wanted a picture of us together, so I got one taken anyway. We were all girly and hugging on each other. Paris was my new tall, pretty, best-friend-of-the-week. I woke up feeling that way too.

The next night, I had another Paris dream. I dreamt I was at work in court and she got brought in to have her DUI trial. It was a big surprise to everyone, kinda like the whole her getting-out-of-jail-and-then-back-in thing. So anyway, I said hi when I saw her in my court. We chatted (since I knew her from the party the night before). Then I looked at my papers and realized that I was prosecuting her DUI trial. I told her I was preemptively sorry for being the one to put her in jail if she lost. She said it was okay, and kind of laughed it off. Like if she had to have someone prosecute her, it might as well be me. I woke up before the trial went forward, so I'm not sure how it ended.

Still... why so many dreams about Paris? Am I reading too much US Weekly? Feeling subconscious regret for wanting to see her ass locked back up? Do I want friends who are taller and blonder? What could it be?

Even more evidence that Brian and I are bound by fate...

If you're best friends with either Brian or myself, fate has determined that you must currently have an external fixator drilled into your leg.

Brian's best friend David, who broke his leg on Memorial Day weekend:


Claudia's best friend Allison, who had surgery to correct a leg problem just after MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!:

Coincidence or phenomenon? Decide for yourself.
.
.

Good samaritans with digital cameras rule!

Here are the photos of us w/ the Dresden Dolls that some nice guy took with his camera and emailed us. The second one isn't a good one of me, but I included it anyway, just for the height comparison.

Brilliant!!

Thank you to Nick for passing along this new Gunther video. It is pure internet gold. Make sure to stay for the hottub striptease! (Probably not a good idea for work.)

Kindred Spirits

How cool is it that Kelly from the "Shoes" video is in the new Dresden Dolls video?

OMG, that was SO gay.

We went to the True Colors Tour last night. For all you link-o-phobics, that's the tour in support of homo, lesbo, and trannie equality. Those gays really know how to put on a show, lemme tell ya. Even Brian, who had no interest in any of the acts, had a good time. Here's how it went down...

My primary reason for going was because I love love love the song Good Day by the Dresden Dolls. They mostly do East Coast shows, so this was one of the only opportunities I'd have to see them. All I wanted was to hear that one song. I paid $250 for two seats on the floor, to see that one song.

I didn't get to hear or see that one song. Although the web site suggested they'd be the second or third opening act, they were actually the first. The show started at 8pm. We got there at 8:15pm. They were well into their third song. They only played two more songs while we were there, and while the songs were spectacular (Coin-Operated Boy & Girl Anachronism), they were not Good Day.

"Why is my life such a Greek tragedy?," I wondered. I had to find out for-sure whether either of the first two songs were my song. I asked a couple of people, but no one could tell me for sure. Then the Dresden Dolls announced they'd be meeting fans by the merchandise table.

HO-LY CRAP. I forgot my digital camera. WHY THE F@CK IS MY LIFE SUCH A GREEK TRAGEDY???

So we ended up meeting the band. Amanda Palmer was really nice, though I think she may have been under the influence of something cuz she asked me what city we were in. Whatever. She was nice. The guy, Brian Viglione was a bit cooler. Cooler like stand-offish, not cooler like badass. But they were nice enough to sign our tickets and a tank top I got and take pictures with us, so as far as I'm concerned he was nice too. Plus, he confirmed that they at no time performed Good Day that night. OH THANK GOODNESS! (I don't think he understood why I was so happy.) I asked some guy there to take our picture and email it to me. He said he'd send it next Wednesday. (fingers-crossed)

So even though I didn't get to hear my song, I did get to meet the artists, which was really cool. Oh, I forgot to mention that Amanda really does have crazy squiggly lines tattooed as eyebrows. And she grows her armpit hair super-long like a man. So that was pretty interesting to see up close. We had to miss the Indigo Girls to meet the band, but that's okay.

The rest of the show went like this...

Deborah Harry was surreal. (She'll be 62 next month). It felt like we were watching Florence Henderson rock out. Except each time she would move a little like she was getting into the music, she would stop like her hip was hurting or like her vertigo was setting in. It did not help her rock n' roll image that she had a Florence Henderson haircut and performed in capri pants and a white, collared, button-up shirt. Poor thing just seemed confused. She was the only one that didn't come back out at the end of it all for the big finale. We figured she fell asleep backstage or something. Poor thing.

Margaret Cho was hilarious. Rosie O'Donnell was hilarious.

Erasure was the super-ultra-gayest band ever. And by that, I mean they were super-ultra-fabulous. I had no idea they were the official gay-anthem band. (Famous gay anthoms include Take a Chance on Me, Respect, and Oh L'amour.) They definitely brought out the go-go boy in all of us.

Cyndi Lauper (she'll be 54 this month) was really cool. She was the opposite of Debbie Harry. Still highly energetic and bubbly, still modern and fun. Of course the place went crazy when she did Girls Just Want to Have Fun (w/ Rosie O'Donnell on the drums). And I totally called the weepy closing number with all the bands on-stage holding hands and singing True Colors. It was nice anyway.

Even though I didn't get to hear my one song, I definitely feel like I got my money's worth. Go to the HRC website to read about what that group's doing try and make the world less hateful toward the gays.

Dental Hell

My last appointment was by far the worst dental experience I've ever had. I cannot put into words how excruciating the pain was. It was worse than getting a dental implant drilled into my jawbone. Worse than getting my wisdom teeth out. Worse than having two root canals done in Mexico. Worse than heart surgery (and they shut my body down and sawed me open to do that sh*t!).

Long story short, a year after my root canal (American this time), my dentist figured out that my endodontist accidentally left a nerve in there, and that's why it never, ever stopped hurting. It started to hurt A LOT more recently because it got infected. The infection caused the novacaine they attempted to inject me with last week to have no effect. Something about the acidity and the pH being off. So, basically, I HAD A ROOT CANAL PERFORMED WITH NO ANASTHESIA!!!

No wonder it hurt so f%@$in' bad! See? I knew I wasn't just a whiny baby! Bastards...

I thought they stopped in the middle of the procedure last week because I was sobbing, shaking, and jerking so violently. I hyperventilated too (for the first time ever).

So today, I thought I was going back for more. You can imagine my joy when they told me they had gotten it all last time and that all I was there for today was an X-ray. Oh thank you Lord Baby Jesus!

They said it looked good for now, but I have to go back in two weeks to see if the pain stays gone. Fingers crossed...

I'm home

We're back! Yay! I'll blog pictures later when I have more time.

Leaving on a jet plane

I cannot wait for Friday night. We're taking a red-eye to New York City to see my BFF Allison, then we're taking a train down to New Haven, Connecticut for Brian's sister Erin's graduation. We'll be back late in the evening Tuesday. See ya after the long weekend!!

Working with women sucks ass

Is it really only Tuesday? Man, today was such a long, aggravating day. Some women I work with apparently decided that I didn't need my parking spot anymore, so they helped themselves to it, then got mad at me when I said something about it. I feel like that guy from Monty Python - I'm not quite dead yet! It turned into a big to-do, where everyone claimed they didn't care but stomped around the office all day real pissy-like. Whatever. I care. Ain't no shame. Go help yourself to someone else's parking spot. Crazy, audacious females.

Tall Crush

I saw a hot blonde chick as tall as me at the tall lady store today. I heard her say something about buying a jacket for court. After she left, the sales lady told me she was a lawyer too, and a criminal prosecutor even!! No way! I super-regretted not saying anything to her when I saw her. I just didn't want to harass the tall girl, you know? But just think... we could have had such a beautiful friendship. Oh well. It's a small town. I'm sure we'll run into each other again.

Turn it down!

I had my first real "I'm too old for this crap" moment last night. We went to this concert at the Joint. The lineup was The Bravery, They Might Be Giants, Plain White T's, Shiny Toy Guns, and the Silversun Pickups. We went for They Might be Giants and had no idea who these other bands were. Apparently, they're what's hot right now w/ all the Emo kids.

So there we were -- geeky 30-year-olds in a sea of Emo teenagers. We asked the hot girls in front of us how old they were and they told us 17 -- high school juniors. They came to see the Shiny Toy Guns for the second time. One of them had never heard of They Might Be Giants. God, that made me feel old.

I felt even older when I had to go to the back of the room because the loud music hurt my ears. (My head is still aching from the pain.) Standing there for three hours before TMBG came out also killed my back and my feet. I couldn't believe I had paid good money to be tortured that way. After TMBG's let-down 8-song performance, we were out of there. We missed the headliners, The Bravery, but didn't care. Who the hell are they anyway? It was a 1-hour traffic crunch out of the parking garage after the show. All in all, not worth it for an old fogie like me.

I've got a couple more concerts to go to this summer -- the True Colors Tour (Cyndi Lauper, Debbie Harry, Erasure, Dresden Dolls) in June, the Violent Femmes in July, and Kelly Clarkson in September. I'll be bringing my ear plugs for-sure.

Knocked Up...

...was really fu@*ing funny. So much like the 40-year-old Virgin in its comedy, and so so so funny. You should definitely check it out this weekend.

Defeated

I am so incredibly exhausted. This weekend was crazy.

Friday night a big group of us went out for Alexis' 30th birthday. We started at the Hofbrauhaus then went over to the Beatles bar, Revolution, at the Mirage. $1300$1700 later (spent on tableside bottleservice), there was almost a fist-fight in our group, one of our friends disappeared until 8:30 the next morning, and our 400 lb. friend Brad was absolutely wasted. The only one half-sober enough to manage the situation was Shannon, who weighs about a quarter of what Brad weighs. Kudos to Shannon for somehow getting him into her car.
Saturday, I had promised my three nephews I'd take them to this kid's festival thing, so I dragged my ass out of bed after four hours of sleep to go see Spongebob and Spiderman in person. It was grotesquely hot and the boys were wild. On the bright side, this is the best birth control EVER.

I got to collapse for about an hour before going back out Saturday night for some more birthday festivities. This time it was a "surprise" birthday dinner followed by karaoke for my friend the Housekeeper. More drinking into the wee hours of the night. No fights or missing persons this time, but I did do a horrific rendition of Sublime's Santeria, for which I should be severely punished. God awful. Here's me and the Housekeeper doing our terrible duet, censored with a picture of my cat. Inside joke.

Sunday was Mother's Day. We started out nice and early (after 5 hours sleep) with a nice brunch at Roy's, followed by a visit to the Titanic exhibit with Brian's mom and two of my nephews. The baby was one of them that we took, which made for a super-exhausting time at the museum.

Later we met up w/ the Housekeeper, who shared her sweet hook-ups with us so that we could all go see Spamalot. I liked it a lot. Thought it was really cute. Brian, a Monty Python purist, had some OCD issues with it not being just like the movie. ((shrug)) I don't know. I've never been a huge fan of the movie, but I love musicals, and thought this one was really cool. Sidenote: I guess Alice Cooper was sitting behind us, but I didn't notice.

Today I think I got my punishment for that horrible karaoke song. I had two dentist appointments - one for my latest stubborn bastard of a tooth problem, and the other for a follow-up on my tooth implant. Both were devastatingly traumatic. I think I have an official fear of dentists, starting today.

We were supposed to have a make-up Mother's Day dinner tonight with Brian's stepmom, but I just can't do anymore. I'm going to go veg out in front of the TV for the rest of the night. I just can't take anymore fun.

Allison and the Angry Inch

So a few weeks ago, my totally normal-seeming best friend revealed to me that in fact she is, and has always been, a mutant. Apparently, one of her legs is longer than the other, to the point where she is having back problems and is now going to have freak-altering, I mean, leg-lengthening surgery. She's started a blog to chronicle her attempts at normalcy. Visit it often to see if it works. Click here to get freaky-deeky with Allison.

Bad job = bad teeth

I forgot to explain the connection between my job and my teeth. According to my dentist, the reason why my tooth is fractured way down in the canal is because I clench my teeth at night. This all makes perfect sense. The worse work was the day before, the worse my tooth and head ache the next morning. In other words, I am losing my teeth because of stress. Yes, I have made an appointment to get a night guard.

Horrible Day

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff baby. That's what I need. Help me know I made the right choice. :-)

Beautiful Day

I got to do real justice today for very wonderful people, who were actually grateful for my help. It was a welcome change. I really can't be having any more days like this or else I'll be sad that I'm going in a few weeks.

Oh yeah, in case I haven't mentioned it, I put in for a transfer into the civil division at work. They offered me the job, so I get to move once my boss finds my replacement.

It wasn't any one thing that motivated me to go for it; it was more like a little bit of everything. Mostly that I'm at the five-year mark of my career, so I feel like I should be learning more skillz.

I'm sad to retire my prosecutrix title, but I'm happy for the change of pace. I'm actually looking forward to boring paper-pushing for a while. This high-drama criminal stuff can really wear you down.

Another wonderful thing happened today, by the way. Tori Amos' new album American Doll Posse came out today. I got the iTunes version (for the 2 bonus videos & tour pre-sale code) already, and I'm going out for the hard copy tomorrow. Borders has a bonus track exclusive, so I think I'll get it there.

That's all.