Super-quick review of Le Reve

So yeah, last night we went and saw La Reve at the Wynn. I didn't like it. Brian's mom did. Basically, I thought it was a big rip-off of all the other strip shows out right now, and it made no inventive leap. It even had those two homoerotic guys that hold each other up in weird positions from Mystere!! So for the first time vegas-show-goer, I'm sure it's great. For me, it was lame.

I hated that it had no story, which is just a personal preference. Also there was too much going on all over the place to follow all of it. Apparently I missed the lesbian orgies portion of it! Damn those captivating trapeze people drawing my attention up to the sky!! Granted, the theme is "a collection of dreams," but I think that's sort of a big cop-out excuse for not having to think of a creative way to incorporate random acrobatics with gibbering french-men, kooky costumes and a cool set.

Nit-picky-wise, I also hated that people kept jumping into the water. It sorta made me wince inside each time someone jumped in - like damn, it's cold, why they gotta be jumping into the water fully clothed?? And man, they just put that new dry outfit on, now they're going to get it wet?? What a waste! So that was stupid, but it did bother me.

So yeah, bottom line - it was the formulaic romantic comedy of Vegas strip shows. All the elements were there for it to be good (expensive set, talented acrobats, cool costumes, silly gibbering comic relief), but it didn't manage to carve it's own niche. Money is better spent on Ka.

Real Quick -

No time to blog!! Wedding less than a week away!! Aggh! Here's a real quick weekend update:

Friday - went to the corn maze and it was fun, though not the best corn maze I've been to.

Saturday was the boys' Halloween party. Apparently recreational lesbianism and recreational boobie shots are out and recreational homosexuality and man-nipple shots are IN.. See pics here and more here.

Today we are cleaning, attaching bells to wedding favors, and going to see La Reve.

Psychophobia: The Conclusion

So the chick at work who sent me the crazy card and I finally had it out. She bawled for like an hour and we went back and forth about how the misunderstanding came about. FINALLY, she admitted that the reason she was so upset was because she was hurt that I didn't invite her to my bridal shower and wedding. Ah-haaaa.... it all makes sense now. At that point, I didn't feel bad for her. This guest list has given me more stress and drama than any other part of this wedding. People need to chill the fuck out - especially her.

Which Muppet Are You?

From Sweetcoalminer's blog.. I don't know how they got this one for me though.


You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"
FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Things I can and can't live without

Don't you hate it when stuff you love gets into the toilet and you have to make the decision whether it's worth going after? Once I swallowed one of my tooth crowns. They cost about $500 to have re-molded, plus the cost of having it put in. Once it had made its way through my digestive tract, I thought about whether I should "go in after it," but ultimately decided it wasn't worth $500 to put a crap-crown back in my mouth.

So last night, I was relaxing on the pot, doing my business while perusing the latest issue of Star Magazine, when my silver Tiffany's bracelet somehow got unclasped and fell into the toilet! OH CRAP! (literally!) So I had to make the choice - say goodbye or go in after it. I decided to go in after it. It's still soaking in its antibacterial soap bath now. I'll probably put it in the dishwasher next and then soak it overnight in jewelry cleaner after that...

Oh yeah, today's my birthday, which is kinda weird since I got that Tiffany's bracelet for my birthday two years ago. Happy Birthday to me from Tiffany's again, I guess.

Is there a word for being scared of crazies?

If so, I think I'm it. Psychophobe, maybe?

So there's this lady at work, we'll call her Cybil, who I've always thought had some issues but she was always been cool w/ me, so we never had any problems. Until yesterday..

I walk into my office and see a card on my chair. "Oh how nice, someone got me a card," I thought. I open it, and there's a rose on the cover and a poem, and I don't read it, I just go right into the card. It's typed. It starts out about what a good attorney I am, and I'm like "Awe, how nice." BUT THEN, it turned into this crazy "I thought we were friends but now I know we're not" nonsense, where Cybil explains that I must think she's terrible at her job, and how it was over b/t her and me and I should talk to her supervisor if I have a problem w/ her job performance. WUH??

The whole thing was so bizarre and out of left field. First, even if I had said she did a crappy job (which I didn't), why would she write me a freak card with a freak poem on the front (The poem was about a friend who ripped out her heart) instead of talking to me about it like a normal person? And why would the point of the card be to tell me we're not friends, have a nice life, bridge burned. From a simple common sense perspective, I am not just someone she has to work with every day, but also someone with supervisory authority over her. I sat on her job interview panel, for goodness' sake! BAD MOVE, LADY! USE YOUR NOGGIN'!

The other thing is that the remark Cybil got SO offended over was SO minor and had nothing to do w/ her job performance! For the last couple weeks, I've been helping her argue for a raise based on a technicality in our office's union contract. Not merit - a technicality. She's not a union member, so we were trying to figure out how to get her the same raise. Again, the raise is based on a technical clause in a union contract and not at all on performance.

Well, the boss was adament that he wasn't going to give her the raise b/c she's not union, but then ultimatley changed his mind about it. So the day she got it, I congratulated her and asked her how the meeting went and what she said to change the boss's mind.. So she told me all about it, and I made A JOKE about all this nice stuff she had said to the boss during a staff meeting on a different day. I said all that brown-nosing must have paid off. JOKE. At the time, she laughed it off, said it wasn't like that and she was sincere about what she'd said to him. And then we moved onto other informal chit-chat. She did not halt the converation and say she took offense. We just kept chatting. Then the next morning I got the card. Since giving me the card, she has not said anything about it and has just been acting like the card thing never happened, which I also think is weird.

::SIGH:: So now I'm trying to figure out how to be diplomatic about the situation, even though my instinct is to stay the hell away from her because she's crazy and I'm afraid of crazy people. Obviously, I'm sorry that she took such offense to something that was intended as a joke, but I also think she's being hypersensitive and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Additionally, I hate that she was so cowardly and wrote a freak note. I now truly have lost respect for her b/c of her total lack of social skills and common sense decision-making. I also can't shake the fact that she wrote a nasty card to her superior - why should I have to go kiss her butt after something like that? I should be sweating her for it!

I think by the end of today I'm going to tell her I'm sorry if my remark hurt her feelings, that wasn't my intent, and leave it at that.

Wedding Dress Update

Ok, so I guess "final fitting" doesn't really mean final. Not sure what she did to the dress up to now, but she certainly didn't have the alterations finished. Apparently, I'm supposed to pick up my dress THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING. That sounds like a really bad idea to me, but the lady says that it's better to keep the dress there, where it won't get damaged and they can have it pressed and ready to go for the wedding, yada yada yada. And I guess what choice would do I have either way if the dress is horrible one week before the wedding vs one day before the wedding? I'm still going to have to wear it either way. You can't really get a wedding dress for a 6'5" girl off the rack. As for my fat issues, I guess working out isn't all it's cracked up to be cuz the dress fit fine. Don't get me wrong, I still think I look like crap in it, my point is just that it fit.

Final Fitting Today

Today at lunch I have an appointment to try on my wedding dress for the first time since all the extra alterations were done. This includes adding like 4-5 inches to the length of the dress. I am SO worried it's going to be a hideous Franken-dress. I'm also worried I won't fit into it anymore. I kinda sorta haven't worked out since she took my measurements 2 months ago. :-| Wish me luck.

Quit yer bitchin'!

I should SO be asleep right now! Anyway, before it gets too late, I have to post the bachelorette pics from the weekend before last. I'm sorry I've been such a slackerly blogger. It's just we only have 2.5 weeks left until the wedding. (AGGGHHH!!!)

So anyway, here are the latest bachelorette party pics. Like others bloggers have already said, the funniest parts of the night were when some dude wouldn't stop calling me "Big Vanilla," and also when we accidentally got some guy booted from the club for taking his pants off. (Oh, oops, I'm sorry.. our bad!)

Gone fishin'

I'm going to my friend Andrea's wedding in Worcester, MA (via Boston MA) this weekend. I'll be back Monday w/ last week's bachelorette party pics and so much more. Hope ya'll have a good weekend.

Saturday Day: Bridal Shower

Last week, the BFMILITWW (best future-mother-in-law in the whole world) threw me a bridal shower. We're taking a Hawaiian cruise for the honeymoon, so the theme was Hawaiian. Everything turned out really nice, and I had a really great time. The food was awesome (yummy PF Chang's), and so was the cake, which was shaped like a hula-Barbie. So cute! And all my sexy biotches came out for it, including Shawna, who came all the way from Santa Cruz. That was REALLY REALLY cool. Check out photos of the festivities here.

Friday Night: Dildo Party

Before a new weekend starts, I HAVE TO blog about the last one. Friday night, my wonderful friends Randi, Vanessa and Kat hooked up a "fun party" (aka "dildo party") in my honor. Sadly, no cameras were available to capture the memories (a friend from work had borrowed my digital camera that day to take pictures of a "dying" relative - I missed the photo-op of all photo-ops and the guy didn't even end up dying!), but like Randi says, that's probably for the best..

So anyway, it was a really good time. I had no idea what was out there. Me. The loudmouth. The crass one. So confused. So embarrassed.

My favorite part was when the peanut gallery started asking questions. For example:

Kat: Does that stuff stick in your hair?

Randi: So if it makes his penis numb, and it's flavored, won't it make your lips and mouth numb too? (this was followed by the nastiest demonstrative response imaginable from the double-sided-dildo-loving, middle-aged sales lady.)

Hilary: Can I take the Vazoplex in the bathroom for a sec?
Dildo dealer: NO!!
Hilary: Why not?
Everyone else: Yeah, why not?

I also liked a lot of the helpful advice I got, such as: "It's not as cool as it looks - those ball bearings don't really do anything." ... "If you're getting anal love beads, I would recommend getting them in brown." ... "Oh yeah, you don't want the anal beads with the white vinyl rope, for obvious reasons."

Nice.

And, of course, I loved everything the girls got me. Is it TMI to share what I got? Some stuff is still on backorder, but here's what I know I got:

Nipplicious (nipple-tingling stuff) in Chocolate
Boy Butter (lube)
Flavored Body Paints
Up and Coming Sampler (Boy-stimulating flavored lube)
Soy candle w/ wax that doubles as massage oil in "Nob Chomper," I mean "Nog Champa" scent
Love Potion Number 9 (Girl-stimulating stuff)
A Vibrating Cock Ring &
Heart-shaped Bubble Bath flakes

Thanks girlies. Can't wait for the honeymoon - or the next dildo party!

To Chicken-Dance or Not to Chicken-Dance?

I just read a link off of Kat's blog about how to get people dancing at a wedding. The article raised a few good points about the benefits of doing the "chicken-dance" at a wedding reception. I always told myself I would never play this kind of garbage at my own reception, but now I'm wondering if the occasion would be incomplete w/ out it. Who thinks a wedding is not complete w/ out a chicken-dance? What about a YMCA? What other songs are must-haves on our reception playlist?

My Favorite Part of the American Idol Release Form..

"I understand that I may reveal, and other parties may reveal, information about me that is of a personal, private, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, which information may be factual and/or fictional. I further understand that my appearance, depiction and/or portrayal in the Program may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature which may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation."

Yeah, so, anyway.. sorry to disappoint, but I didn't end up going to the auditions. Turns out they were handing out wristbands on Saturday and Sunday (which I didn't find out until Sunday at 10pm), so I don't think I would have gotten a place in line on Monday, had I actually gone in at 6am. Either way, at about 4am this morning, while deliriously hitting snooze on my alarm clock on my day off, I decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Maybe next year. I should still qualify as a 28 year-old when audition-time comes around again. Thanks anyway for the moral support!

Is "She Bangs" played out??

For the record, I have a terrible voice. The only things I can sing somewhat decently are Tori Amos songs, and that's only because I've heard them so much that I can mimic her singing. SO, my whole purpose for going down and trying out for American Idol is to get on the audition rejects episode. So there you go.

Now, what song should I do that will GUARANTEE me getting on TV, but will still be subtle, so that the producers will think I seriously think I can sing?

American Idol 2006

So... auditions for American Idol are this coming Monday, right here in Las Vegas!! I was SO excited to hear that they were on a Monday, since I have that day off.

I am, after-all, undoubtedly the "triple-threat," w/ "the x-factor" that they're looking for. Then I remembered I have a dentist's appointment that day at 2:45!! M%%$&r F^*^$n Sh%^&!

Auditions start at 8am.. lines start forming at 6am. Should I go, even though I can't stay the whole time?? Also, my friend the Housekeeper will be in town that day and wants to hang out. Wanna try out for American Idol w/ me Hkpr???

I want to be just like Nicolas Cage..

After Brian and I heard that Nicolas Cage named his baby after Superman, we started brainstorming potential names for our future crime-fighting family. We were thinking it'd be cute to have a little He-man and/or a little She-ra running around.. ("He-man! She-ra! Time for dinner!!") Maybe even a little Skeletor... ("Yes, I'd like to enroll my son into school. Name: Skeletor Felgar.")

I haven't discussed it w/ Brian yet, but I'm partial to Flash - Flash Felgar. That sounds like a good one. We could also add it to our previously chosen names for the other kids (Flex and Kinky).

What super hero name would you give your kid (pretend you are a complete lunatic like Nic Cage)?

Movie Review: Serenity

Saturday a bunch of us went and saw Serenity, written and directed by Joss Whedon.

At the beginning, I thought the movie was really dumb. It transitioned awkwardly from serious, melodramatic science-fiction mystery to cheesy, sci-fi comedy. Once it got going though, and I reminded myself that it was 1) an outer-space cowboy movie, 2) made for sci-fi geeks, and 3) going for the Army of Darkness vibe, I really enjoyed it.

The outer-space fighting scenes were as good if not better than Star Wars. And the main character, River, kicked butt. I always love to see girls in movies kick butt. The "ultimate secret" that only River knew was a little bit of a let-down, I thought, but overall, I enjoyed watching this movie.

Final grade: B-

Your mom goes to college!

I stole this from Housekeeper. It's the Napoleon Dynamite Utah State Fair commercial. HILARIOUS!!

Time for some MEME's...

What does MEME stand for anyway? And what's the proper way to pronounce it??

Anyway, here's one I got from Shannon.

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Mine is so super lame, but I have to play along so as to preserve my MEME karma:

"I'm in Reno until next Tuesday, fyi."

Lame lame lame lame lame.

Ok, now I tag:
Housekeeper
Chesty McTickles
Sugafree
Sweet Coalminer and
Shawna

And here's the other MEME I got from Randi:

1. Legal First name? Mistress
2. Were you named after anyone? Dad's girlfriend
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4. When did you last cry? Watching Serenity. (C'mon, the brother-sister love thing was so sweet!)
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Tuna
6. What is your birth date? October 22
7. Whats your most embarrassing CD? Spice Girls
8. Would you be friends with you? Probably not. I'd notice all my bad qualities and then not bother.
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I try not to. I've realized lately that it's not so much funny as rude.
10. What are your nicknames? "That really really tall girl," "Cla-Cla," "Cla-dee-dah-dee"
11. Would you bungee jump? Been there done that, loved it.
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yep.
13. Do you think that you are strong? Yup, people are always shocked, but really, I got like 50 pounds on most other girls, so I'm pretty strong. I just look scrawny cuz I'm tall and goofy.
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Rocky Road
15. Shoe Size? 13 Narrow baby!
16. Red or pink? Red
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Feet
18. Who do you miss most? My brother and my dad.
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? None of either at the moment.
20. What are you listening to right now? Brian talking on the phone to his mom.
21. What did you eat for breakfast? Winchell's Donuts (the diet isn't going so well yet..)
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle
23. What is the weather like right now? Dark but warm.
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? John Staley, ex-boyfriend from 9th grade.
25.The first things you notice about the opposite sex? Height
26. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, she's a very nice girl.
27. Favorite Drink? Diet Pepsi
28. Hair Color? Dark Brown w/ highlights
29. Do you wear contacts? Yes
30. Favorite Food? Shrimp
31. Last Movie You Watched? Serenity
32. Favorite Day Of The Year? October 31st
33. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Awe can't I have both?? Happy endings I guess...
34. Summer Or Winter? Summer all the way
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses
36. What Is Your Favorite Desert? Chocolate Truffle Mousse w/ Raspberry sauce
37. Living Arrangements? Brian and me and Moka and Enid.
38.. What books Are You Reading? I'm sort of between books right now.. I never really finished the ones over there on my menu bar..
39. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Grey
40.What Did You Watch Last night on TV? I didn't watch tv last night.
41. Favorite Smells? Brian's neck, the smell of Starbucks
42. Favorite junk food? Frito Lay's Chile and Lime Sabritones
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones
44. What's the farthest you've been from home? Amsterdam, Netherlands

I now tag the same people for this one as I did the last one:

Housekeeper
Chesty McTickles
Sugafree
Sweet Coalminer and
Shawna

Last Supper..

I'm having my last bag of Chile and Lime Sabritones and my last decadent dinner tonight. As of tomorrow, October 1st, I'm officially eating healthy and working out 4x a week so that I can be skinny & buff for the wedding on November 5th. Wish me luck!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Top Model and Veronica Mars both have me smitten..

Ok, it's obvious now that you guys want a Top Model post, so here's a quickie..

First, an announcement: Don't call me ever again between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night. I am officially busy during that time for the rest of the fall season.

UPN got me "churning butter" last night (very gross inside joke) when it followed last night's episode of Top Model w/ the season premiere of Veronica Mars. Pitter patter, pitter patter.... stand back, give the girl some air...

Top Model was Top Model. Nothing super fantastic happened.. they said "fierce" like 32 times in one episode. (I'd make a drinking game out of it, but, frankly, I'm not that suicidal.) There was a special guest appearance by some super gay rainbow who looked like he'd been spawned from a 3-way between Boy George, Pinhead from Hellraiser, and Judy Tanuda. He was weird and I didn't like him..

The girls got traumatic makeovers.. the whiney girl whined, the arrogant girl bragged, the angry girl mocked everybody.. standard stuff. We learned a new word: "weavologist." (how many years do you have to go to school to do that??) Then, in the final elimination, the fat girl and the least prettiest girl were in the bottom two, (big shocker there) w/ the fat girl getting the pity vote and the least pretty getting to go home.

Veronica Mars, on the other hand, was pure heaven. You must watch this show. It is THE BEST WRITTEN, BEST ACTED, BEST EVERYTHING show on tv right now. Better than Top Model. That's all I'll say. Just watch it.

Naughty Church Lady Update

I wasn't able to do much for the church lady. She can keep one of her illegal garages, but the other has to go. I called her to let her know and also told her very matter-of-factly that I am not accepting her discount on the church fees. She insisted, of course, but I told her "no" over and over. Finally, she said, "Fine, just make sure I get an invitation to the wedding!" Uhhh.. EXCUSE ME??

So yeah, even though half my family is not invited because of the ridiculous $80 per head cost, this lady WHO I'VE NEVER MET IN PERSON is expecting an invitation. Great. I'm worse off than when I started for doing this lady a favor. Whatever, she's not getting an invite. That's her penance for trying to bribe a public servant.

Naughty church ladies..

So there's this church lady who's in charge of making my wedding day either a giant pain in the butt or easy as pie. So far she's been sweet as candy. Yeah, the church has a bunch of hoops we have to jump through plus $775 in costs, but so far we've managed.

Well, yesterday, the church lady called me about a "personal matter." Apparently her boyfriend got a code enforcement warning about some structures he didn't have the proper permits for. Well, knowing I work for the municipality that warned him, she asked me to "do what I can" to look into it for her. She was really upset about the whole thing, and she's always been really sweet to me, so I told her I'd talk to the guy who issued the warning and find out how she could resolve the matter.

Well, then we get to talking about what I still need to do at this point for the wedding. We still have one more payment for $175 for the church and $175 for the cantor/organist. Great, thanks, fine, bye.

But then she calls me back a few minutes later and tells me she "couldn't talk before" but that now she'll waive the final payment of $175, since I'm "taking care of this" for her. What? Huh?

So yeah, obviously I'm going to pay the money anyway, but now I'm in a total pinch b/c I don't want to piss her off or insult her by paying the money anyway and not being able to "take care of it" for her. She could make my wedding day hell!!

I'm going to see if I can grease the wheels of progress for her on her problem, but I'm certainly not going to do anything out of the ordinary. And, like I said, I'm paying anyway. So here's to hoping she doesn't screw me.. naughty church lady.

Called in Sick..

I called in sick to work today because of this bothersome eye. I feel so guilty about it too. To make myself feel less bad, I'm going to clean my house.

High School Reunions Are Lame

And mine was no exception. Saturday night was my 10-year high school reunion. It was lame. All I did was speak briefly to a bunch of people I barely knew back then and now barely remember.

Here's one of the jackasses I ran into who hasn't changed a bit since his asshole jock high school days. I'm talking about the guy nearest to me on the right.

He's referred to lovingly as "Gabe the Goosekiller" because in college, he killed one of the geese that lived on our university's lake. In his drunken frat-guy stupor, he decided to swing it around and around by the neck and then drag it back into his dorm room. After word got out that he was planning on cooking it, the cops made a friendly visit and he was ultimatley cited only for "Hunting Out of Season." Anyway, he pissed me off at the reunion and I mention him only as an example of the theory, "once an asshole, always an asshole." Anyway..

The one highlight of the reunion was seeing this girl. She was a friend of mine from high school who's now a porn star apparently. She gave me her card, which includes <--that photo minus the stars (I put those in), and said, "Here's my card. Sorry my tits are showing." No she wasn't!

Anyway, then the rest of the night the boring losers I went to high school with spent their time talking shit about her and asking to see the card she gave me. Whatever. I thought it was awesome that she marched into the reunion and announced she was a porn star. It was definitely the most exciting thing that happened. Here's a picture of my friend Nancy, Jai Jai (aka Brittaney Starr), and me:


Oh yeah, one other interesting part of the night was when they started doing questions for door prizes. I won the prize for "Most Education." Take that spoiled, rich, Green Valley losers! Guess the poor, weird, mod chick did pretty alright for herself.

Flame on burn desire, love with tongues of fire

We got engagement photos taken yesterday. Go here to see them. Click the "Email This Photo" button to send free digital copies to yourself or you can pay to order prints.

I think Randi's blog gave me an eye infection..

First, Randi has eye infection issues, now I do! My eye's all sore and feels like I have something in it. Fortunately, this has happened before, so I'm pretty sure I know what it is - just a scratch to the cornea caused by me messing w/ my hard contacts. Unfortunately, this means I have to run around looking like a dork in glasses for a few days, with a red, watery, sore eye. This warrants calling into work sick, right??

I eat garbage..

My tummy hurts. Hmmm, I wonder what it could have been.. This is the garbage I've eaten so far today:

7:15am - 12 oz. Diet Pepsi & a Wheat Bagel

8:30am - Zone Perfect Fudge Graham Protein Bar

9:30am - A bag of Chile and Lime Sabritones (3 servings apparently), a 40 oz. Cola Slurpee, and a bag of Oriental Snack Mix (2.5 servings apparently)

12:30pm - Six-inch Tuna Sub on Wheat bread and a 16 oz. Diet Pepsi

I'm thinking it was either the caffeine, the hypersweet slurpee, or the 100% of my daily sodium intake I've consumed already.

To answer your question..

My heart's still all 'a flutter! You asked why I love Top Model, and now I answer.... Here are a few of the things I loved about last night's season premiere:

1. Watching pretty girls fall on the runway.. It just never gets old.
2. Chicks who walk like men in dresses - har har har har har!
3. Men in dresses who walk like chicks. (Mommy... daddy.. I'm so confused!)
4. Kim (this season's token lesbian model) assures Tyra that she won't kiss girls along the way while working the catwalk. (Tyra thinks about it for a sec and decides to go ahead and encourage what she calls Kim's "masculinity" on the runway. Great minds really do think alike.. heh heh heh.)
5. The Jehovah's Witness layaway plan - sin now, pay later!
6. Nic, Nic, Nic, NIc, NIc, Nic, Nic, Nic - She's my new pick to win the whole enchilada.
7. Tyra's mad Perry Mason skillz (e.g., "Name three Cover Girls! A-ha! Fake!!" ...."What's the most recent community service you've done. A-ha! Fake!" That girl is GOOD.
8. "In my family, we have a 'pretty gene."" Wow, Yeah, me too. :-)
9. "I'm 'the jam.' I just don't understand. Who wouldn't want to butter their bread with me??" (Be forewarned. This is my new favorite catchphrase. :-) )
10. Learning to embrace your own annoyingness. (I am like the zen master at this!)
11. Three words: BIG ASS LIPS.
12. Ebony, Ashley and Nic in their swimsuits.
13. "Since I sold cows, I think I could REALLY sell Cover Girl." (Logic so sound, there's no disputing it.)
14. REALLY SMART remarks. Take note: "I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulder."
15. "Small-town girls" who are "open" to "full-blown lesbians."
16. Requisite lesbian kiss. Check.
17. Three more words: CRAZY CANTELOUPE LIPS.
18. Tyra's sadistic little habit of keeping around train-wreck model wannabes, just for shits and giggles.

So yeah, that's just a random sampling. Bottom line, the girls are nice eye-candy and you can't write material this deliciously shallow.

On the edge of my seat..

Weird. Just last week the plane I was on was making a really weird noise during landing, like the landing gear was stuck or something. I panicked and started wondering what a plane would do under such circumstances. I guess I got my answer. I stayed at work until 6:45p.m. tonight, glued to the t.v. waiting to catch the live footage of this plane landing. I was SOOOOOOOO relieved to see it touch down safely. [EXHALE......]

America's Next Top Model Season Premiere - TONIGHT!!

Oh my. I can't believe it's that time already. I just happened to turn on the TV during a reunion episode of American's Next Top Model tonight. It totally whet my appetite for the new season, which starts tomorrow/tonight (Wednesday, September 21st). Yes... yes.. wash over me, sweet, beautiful, reality-show crack.

So cold.. so cold..

More from the "how the f$%@ could I be so stupid?" department..

1) Packed TWO bags for a trip that would last less than 24 hours and I forgot my hairdryer. Because I went from an all-day class straight to the airport and then straight to the concert, I had to get ready at the airport. After realizing I'd forgotten my hair dryer, I ended up blow-drying my hair upside-down under one of those hand dryers in the bathroom, just like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan.

2) Security didn't harass me about my camera at the door, so I just figured it was cool to bring it in. Right before Tori is about to go on, we start taking photos just for fun, right in front of security and everyone else. So security came over and took my camera for safe-keeping. :-( But not before the security guard snapped this nice picture of us. :-)



3) Didn't notice the concert was outside when I bought the tickets. I had packed five tank tops for the overnight trip but not one jacket, sweater, or long-sleeved shirt. Needless to say, I was frozen the entire 3-hour concert. Thank goodness for Scott who was nice enough to loan me his jacket.

4) Took my 7 mos. pregnant friend's word for it when she said it'd be cool for me to stumble into her house at 2:30am. Scott & Shawna dropped me off at what they thought was the front gate to the complex. It wasn't though. I stumbled around drunk and scantily clad on the streets of LA for like half an hour, calling my friend every couple of minutes to see if I was close. She was not pleased. :-(

For all my dumbassed moves, the weekend turned out to be really fun. After the concert, we went to a karaoke bar. Our songs didn't get called, but we had a good time anyway.





Then Sunday my TWO pregnant friends did a sweet little bridal brunch for me. That was really cool.

Stupid eBay story..

This weekend was the Tori Amos concert in L.A. As many of you know, I had some trouble selling an extra set of tickets for the show. After I started a last minute 3-day auction on eBay to just get the tickets in the hands of another fan (bids started at $.99), Shawna told me that her friend Scott was interested in the tickets. Here's where the stupid moves on my part start. I'll have to number them, since there we so many:

Bad move #1 - We decide to have Shawna outbid the others.. she bids $20 and gives me her password in case I want to raise the bid. I don't go back and raise her bid to something that would guarantee her winning the tix, like $500.

Bad move #2 - I figured since no one bought the tix the first time, they wouldn't even go for $20, so I didn't worry about making sure someone watched the auction when it ended at 11am the day of the show. (I was at a class all day).

Result - So the auction ends and some chick wins them for $20.50. @%$*#!! More stupid moves made from here.. I email her and tell her she has to call me on my cell by 6:30pm to set up a place to meet and exchange the goods. At 6:32pm, I am like, sweet, she missed the deadline. Scott can have the tickets. Then my cell phone rings..

Bad move #3 - I answer.

Bad move #4 - I ask where she wants to meet at the venue. Instead of will call or the box office or something smart like that, the girl suggests we just call when we get there and meet up by cell phone. I dumbassedly agree.

Result - So we got the concert, which is in the hills, and none of us have a signal on our cell phones. Uh-oh. At one point, I did get a bar or service and called the girl, but before I could tell her where we were, the phone cut us off. I guess I could have stood around outside for longer and yelled that I was looking for the girl from eBay, but I felt like I had made reasonable efforts. So we went inside. Scott used one ticket and the other went to waste. We saw tons of people outside selling tickets for like $15, so I figured if the girl really wanted in, she could have gotten in for as much or cheaper than what she won my tickets for.

So yeah, I got a nasty email from the girl today. She was not a happy camper. So far no negative feedback, but I'm sure it's a'comin'.. :-(

Couldn't resist picking this up at the store

Reno Bachelorette Bash

Last Saturday I flew up to Reno to celebrate Andrea's (one of my college roommates) bachelorette party. Nothing says class like a weekend in Reno, let me tell ya.

We started the day with a delightful breakfast at the world-renowned International House of Pancakes, aka "IHOP." After that, we thought, "What could be funner than a day of touring model homes??" :-)

It actually turned out to be pretty fun. My favorite part was when some snooty bitch told the seven of us girls that maybe if we pooled our money together, we could go in together on this one $700,000 house. NICE. Little did the lady know almost any one of us seven girls could have gotten that house on our own! Jeanny put the biatch in her place though. SUCK IT SNATCH!!

After that, we were so insulted, we decided to go out and be snooty and pampered. So we went down to the local Walmart for manicures and pedicures. We'll show that lady the meaning of CLASSY!!

Next, we went to "Bully's" for a fancy supper of chicken fingers and buffalo wings, accompanied by a pitcher of the restaurant's finest Coors Light.

Then it was back to the house for tea and crumpets. Or rather, two-buck-chuck, cock-cakes and light-up dildos. Click here for possibly not safe for work pics of that silliness.

We topped off the evening by meeting some nice young gentlemen at the local pub, Brew Brothers. One lad was kind enough to give Andrea the boxers right off his bum! Reno boys sure know how to make a lady feel special. Click here for more pics of us taking advantage of intoxicated young men.

Overall, it was a very fine time. I can't wait to have my very own classy bridal weekend.

Memoirs of a Geek-sha

ARGH! Before this weekend creeps up on me, I gotta post about LAST weekend's shenanigans! Last Friday a bunch of us went over to Randi's for homemade sushi and frushi. Kat brought over her Chinese music in order to make it EXTRA-authentic. :-) Oh, and I brought fortune cookies and tea! (Ok, not really.) Here are the photos I took that night.

Movie Review: Just Like Heaven

Ok, I admit it. I cried. Whatever, who cares. It doesn't take much. So yeah, this chick-flick was cute. Much cuter than Maid in Manhatten, not as cute as Pretty Woman. Think more along the lines of Jerry Maguire.

Reese Witherspoon was adorable (as always). I wasn't a big Mark Ruffallo fan though. He was just a'ight. John Heder, of Napoleon Dynamite fame, supplied some comic relief. Unfortunately, my worst fears about John were realized. He really can't do anyone but Napoleon. :-( Bummer..

All in all, the movie was a good time for the ladies. Cute, funny, and sugar-sweet. Final grade: C+

Welcome to the bloghouse

Welcome to Blogland, Chesty McTickles!!

Tori Amos Tickets for sale - CHEAP!

In my fervor to get good seats to the Tori Amos show at the Greek Theatre in L.A. on Sep 17th (this Saturday), I ended up w/ one pair too many. I procrastinated selling them and now they're going for less than half-price face value on ebay. I can't even get mine to sell for 60% off! So anyway, if you know any Tori fans who want to see the show this weekend, let me know!!!

Movie Review: Red Eye

I totally was expecting to be disappointed by this one, but, instead, I really really enjoyed it!

It wasn't a horror movie like the preview made is seem. This was more like a suspense/thriller. The things that rocked about this movie were:

1. Cillian Murphy - That boy can go from sweet, charming and perfect to CRAZY EVIL SCARY in like the drop of a hat. Now THAT'S what I call acting with your eyes!!!

2. Rachel McAdams - This girl is a casting director's wet dream. She's HOT, and All-American, yet tough and smart! Love me some Rachel McAdams.

3. Cillian & Rachel together - Great chemistry.

4. The characters didn't do stupid, unrealistic crap like not run over the killer or forget to call 911 or forget to grab a weapon!! - I can't tell you how often I've gotten annoyed by movie characters who don't make good decisions. Wes Craven must have gotten wind of this, b/c this time he explained everything that needed explaining in this story, such as: a) Why Rachel McAdams' character had like kick-ass Power-puff Girl in her, b) Why the killer didn't die after getting wounded, c) Why the cell phones didn't work (airport + dead battery), d) Why they weren't calling 911 (already called - not responding b/c of a bigger emergency). I just really appreciated these minute details.

5. Rachel McAdams character kicked major butt and was my hero by the end of it.

So yeah, I liked it.. My only warning is that boys might not like this movie as much as girls. It was definitely targetted to the young liberated female demographic.

Final grade: B+

Movie Review: The Brothers Grimm

Sunday we went and saw The Brothers Grimm. It was really cute. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger both did good jobs - especially Matt Damon. The story was cute, though not without its problems. There were some holes.. the love interest angle was way under-developed.. the end was entirely predictable. But it got away w/ a lot of this stuff b/c of the whole fairy-tale motif it had going-on. You know: archetypical characters.. love at first sight.. happily ever after. All that jazz. Also, the CG effects in it were kinda weak. Like, you could literally see the cut in the film where the CG horse got edited into a real horse. Final grade overall: B+

Just had to share..

These are Kat's adorable foster-kitties. Well, one of them anyway...


Here he is getting a face full of flash


And chewing my shoelaces..


And sucking down some In-N-Out soda...


Damn I wish I could have more kitties.

Pics from Last Friday

Yeah, so last Friday we went to First Friday. Here are pics of the evening's festivities.

More Fun w/ Live TV

Ok, this made me cry, and I'm not even pre-menstrual right now!!

Same deal as before - I can't get the link to work, so you'll have to copy and paste this in a new window. It's Geraldo Rivera and Sheppard Smith calling for some freakin' backup in New Orleans! GO GERALDO AND SHEP!! FIGHT THE POWER!!!

QT:
http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Hannity-Colmes-Smith-Rivera-freak-in-NO.mov

WMP:
http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Hannity-Colmes-Smith-Rivera-freak-in-NO.wmv

Would a little "schwing" be totally inappropriate here?

I heart Kanye West. Before today, the guy came off too cocky for my taste... and that whole whining over not getting a Grammy business - that was just ridiculous. BUT NOW, Kanye is my new boyfriend of the week.

Behold, the GREATEST MOMENT IN LIVE TV. EVER. EVER EVER. You'll have to cut and paste it from here though cuz I can't get the damn thing to link.

WMP version is here: http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People.wmv
Quicktime version is here: http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People.mov

Poor Mike Meyers and Chris Tucker are like deer in headlights. If you haven't seen this yet, watch it now. It's awesome. Make sure to watch the whole thing - the end was the best part. It only aired on the East Coast. NBC edited it from the West Coast broadcast. I watched it 10 times and it still hasn't gotten old. GO KANYE! FIGHT THE POWER!!

Is that a frog wiping its ass??

Brian and I saw this at the drugstore the other day.. We had a good time re-enacting the marketing meeting behind this lovable character:



Art director: Ok, so what we need is a cute little frog... wiping its ass. Yes.... excellent! It has to be cuddly though, and lovable.. but still obviously wiping it's ass. Yes yes,, a little more butt cheek on that one... Bigger smile... maybe a little rounder in the rump.. spread the legs a little, hand on the "d".... arch the back a little, and.. PERFECT!

We're so funny

The other day we called our friends Brad & Vanessa on the phone. Brad and Vanessa have a one-year-old named Donovan, so their answering machine says, "You've reached Brad, Vanessa and Donovan. We can't take your call, but leave us a message and we'll call you back" or something like that. Brian and I thought it was funny that they said leave a message for Donovan on the machine, so we left him a little message. It went something like this:

"Hi Donovan, this is your girlfriend Cindy. You left your boxers over at my place. I didn't know if you wanted me to drop them off or if you were going to pick them up. Anyway, give me a call back, honey. Kiss kiss."

Mom and Dad heard it and asked me today if it was me who left it. Quien, Moi???? I couldn't keep a straight face, so I got caught. Damn. We're just too funny. :-P

Not a good way to start the day..

I was in a rush for work this morning and as I'm driving through my condo complex, I turn head-on into the path of a gigantic garbage truck. I slammed on my brakes and was like, 2 inches away from hitting him. Thank God I didn't. It definitely got my attention though...

PS - Unrelated - I added like 12 new posts to the tall girl blog, while I've been' hobo-bloggin' it over here. SORRY!

I'm a triple threat, baby

Outcast Genius 60 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 65% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in all three, earning you the title of: Outcast Genius. Outcast geniuses usually are bright enough to understand what society wants of them, and they just don't care! They are highly intelligent and passionate about the things they know are *truly* important in the world. Typically, this does not include sports, cars or make-up, but it can on occassion (and if it does then they know more than all of their friends combined in that subject). Outcast geniuses can be very lonely, due to their being outcast from most normal groups and too smart for the room among many other types of dorks and geeks, but they can also be the types to eventually rule the world, ala Bill Gates, the prototypical Outcast Genius. Congratulations! Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 55% on nerdiness You scored higher than 87% on geekosity You scored higher than 97% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

Recreational Lesbianism & Other Hijinks

Saturday night we had Greg's going-away party. All kinds of crazy shiznit happened...

I got to see some bellies, some boobies, a funny t-shirt, and a special anonymous guest.

There were also plenty of festive activities, like the requisite belly-dancing... some table-dancing.... and some chair straddling here and there...

People were telling wild stories.. Like it or not, Kat got a surprise rendition of the Happy Birthday Song... There was even a little gunplay going on.

And, of course, there was the drinking of shots, shots, and more shots. Alternatively, others opted for taquitos.. delicious little force-fed taquitos. Mmmm...

What else? There was plenty of love to go around. There were all kinds of hot couples there.. like this one, this one, this one, and this one.

I got to get cuddly w/ lots of folks too.. like Mark, Vanessa, Anne, Haiti, Nicole and her Ex, and then Anne again. :-)

At one point, a gang of tall people (6'4". 6'5", 6'6" and 6'6") got together to have a decent conversation without having to get cricks in our necks... Not that I have anything against short people - they're fun too.

What else?? Oh yeah, after a couple drinks, I managed to convince Shannon to channel Janice Dickinson. Mwah ha ha!

And, like I said before, there was some recreational lesbianism going on. I got pics, but I'd hate to incriminate the parties involved, so I'm not gonna post 'em. I may not be the brightest marble in the shed, but I've made a couple good decisions here and there. I'm thinking w/holding evidence here could be a good idea. Anyway..

The party was chill at times, scary at times, shocking at times, and hot as hell, but it was overall a good time.

(Click here to forego the story above and just see all the pics).