That was Wicked

Only three days in, and I've already broken my vow to blog every day in November. Oh well, you'll just get two instead of one today. So anyway...
Saturday we went to L.A. to see the musical Wicked. It was my birthday present from Brian. The show was amazing. It was pure visual and auditory candy. I think it's my favorite musical now. Definitely see it if you get the chance.

Being the fangirl that I am, I stayed after with all the other little kids to catch the cast on their way out. I ended up meeting Eden Espinoza, who played Elphiba, and Megan Hilty, who played Glinda. Here's Eden Espinoza as Elphiba:
And here's Eden Espinoza without her green make-up, with me, the fan girl:And here's Megan Hilty as Glinda:

And here's Megan Hilty out of costume with me, the fan girl:
As you can see, I really enjoyed myself.

The rest of the trip was really fun too. We stayed at a really nice hotel downtown with a view of the Hollywood sign. And we had dinner at this trendy sushi place on Wilshire Blvd. (It actually wasn't as good as the sushi places we go to at home, which kinda impressed us about Vegas, but it was nice nonetheless.) And we met up with my old friend Negar from law school at this fun little breakfast place in Sherman Oaks (where we had a brush with Britney - see bonus blogpost above). And we went shopping on Melrose. All in all, a very nice birthday/two-year-anniversary weekend.

White Trash Party

Last Saturday, we went to Meredith's white trash birthday party. We were kinda costumed out from the night before, but we managed to muster up the spirit to dress up a little bit. We went to this dive bar where you couldn't tell who was part of the party and who wasn't. For example, the bartender was wearing one of those t-shirts with a bikini painted on it. At first, we thought it was a really good costume, but then it turned out she wears that all the time normally. Shannon put her foot in her mouth a few times that night cuz she had a really hard time telling who was in costume and who was not. Anyway, you can see photos here.

Sit Ubu, sit. Good blog.

I'm going to be like my friend Todd and blog every day in November. I really do have tons to blog about. I still haven't posted last year's Japan pictures, or this year's Alaska pictures. Or my birthday karaoke soundtrack. Anyway, that's all for another time, when I have more time to edit and organize and learn how to post podcasts. For now...

Let's discuss the song "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy. If you haven't heard it, you can catch up here. It's like the latest version of the Macarena.

So today I heard that this song, which has been playing at school assemblies and sporting events all across America, is actually one big filthy sex reference. I found that pretty amusing. Almost as amusing as the veiled sexual references contained in it. Almost. The references are hilarious, rivaling even the Sneaky Castro and the Portuguese Breakfast made famous in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

Apparently, when he says "watch me... Superman dat," what he actually means is this. Yuck! And then, when he says, "watch me crank that Robocop," what he actually means is #6 here. And then I guess, in an alternate version, there's a reference to the verb "Spiderman," which actually means this.

Wow. That's really hot.

Part of me thinks this has to be some sort of clever marketing campaign aimed at generating more buzz about the song. Which has obviously worked on me. Either way, it's still pretty hilarious to think that all those mainstream folks are unwittingly singing and dancing around about filthy sex acts.

The freaks come out at night

Last night was Annie and Nat's Halloween party. Brian and I went as a mummy and Claudiapatra (or Nefer Titty - your choice). If you want a quick costume idea, DON'T go as a mummy. Oh, and buy a lot of safety pins.

Brian heeded neither of these wise warnings. He bought bedsheets at the thrift store, dragged them through the dirt lot by our house, then cut them into strips. Brian insisted that tucking alone would hold the garment securely in place. Three hours later, my mom and I finally finished wrapping Brian. He couldn't hear anything, could barely move, could not use the bathroom, and had to sit down all night because he kept coming unravelled. I think he would have had a better time had he gone as something else. Oh well... Total cost for a mummy costume: $11. Cleaning the dirt off of our couches, floor, tables, etc. the next morning: priceless. Here are more pictures of the party.

Birthday Luvin

Despite my manic-Monday birthday, I actually had a kick-ass pre-birthday weekend. I'm really such a lucky girl. One of the surprises Brian had for me was a book of photo birthday wishes from my good friends all over the country. It definitely made me grateful for the wonderful friendships I've made over the years. And it made me especially thankful for having landed such a sweet, thoughtful husband. Guy has been planning this since July! Anyway, here are just a couple of the shots.








Oh, and this one's the best because it's my old boss one week after sexual harassment training. Why I insist on protecting him from himself, I don't know.

It's Monday, I'm 30, and it sucks.

The last two days of my twenties were phenomenal. Now I'm 30, it's Monday, and it totally sucks.

Another good one

Go see Into the Wild!! It is SO good. On top of being beautiful, insightful, and moving, it had this hot chick in it. Ooh, yeah. Little something for everyone.

Did I mention we saw Elizabeth: The Golden Age this weekend? Although visually stunning, it was nowhere near as good as the first one. Mostly, I just didn't admire the character traits they were trying to develop Elizabeth with. She was all wishy-washy and whiny and forgiving and shit. Not at all the Godfather-type badass from the first film. Mary Stuart was pretty badass though. Anyway, I'd recommend a matinee of this one, just to see how it compares. Just don't expect it to be better than the first.

Quickest girl in the frying pan

We're back from Atlanta! Bet you didn't even notice we were away. We went the weekend before last for our friends Greg and Allison's wedding. Atlanta was fun and fatty, although a bit too humid for my taste. I gained even more weight after this little trip. Anyway, here's the mister and the missus on their big day:

And here's Brian enjoying some fine southern cuisine.

And here's the way we all felt after our respective fatty southern meals.





Good times...

Let Me Borrow That Top

It's the new Kelly video! See how many cameos you can spot.

No sea lice for me, thank you.

We're back from Alaska. It was amazing. We had an awesome time. I'm sad to report, however, that I am unable to produce for you the picture of me with a live salmon in my mouth.

Yes, we went fishing. Yes, we caught salmon (10 in total between three of us). However, at the time I set the goal, I was unaware of one very material fact: salmon have sea lice. They're nasty litte crab-like parasites that stick to their sides and feed on their scales. They're revolting, and there was no way I was going to put them in my mouth. Sorry guys.

We took literally hundreds of pictures on the trip. Knowing my history of processing photos, odds are you won't see them for a while. But they will be up on here eventually. Then you can see my huge ass fish that I caught and video and pictures of us sled-dogging, bicycling and canoeing. So fun.

The other reason I'm posting is because I had a very thrilling celebrity sighting experience in Seattle over the weekend. First, the backstory.

When I was a kid, I watched General Hospital every day after school. I LOVED Frisco and Felicia and Duke and Anna. Duke was super hot and my sister and I had huge crushes on him.

Well, I'm standing in a small bookstore, in a trendy, gay part of Seattle, and I hear this guy with a Scottish accent standing next to me looking at books on the same table as me. I look over and, from the side, it totally looked like Duke!

I stared at his face for a second, then he looked up, saw me staring and smiled. Then I knew for sure it was Duke! I smiled back. It was this weird I-know-you-know-I-know-who-you-are smile.

On the one hand, Ian Buchanan (that's his real name) is such a small celebrity, there's no reason to get excited. On the other hand, the fact that I was one of the few people that knew who he was made it all the more special! I immediately called the two people I thought might know who he was. Only one of them actually knew; my sister, who freaked out when I told her. I'm telling you, he was dreamy back in the day. Anyway, that's all. Just wanted to share in case any of you know who he is. He's also famous for being on Twin Peaks.

It's Britney, Bitch

Not really. It's just me. I'm just about packed for our trip to Alaska. We're leaving early tomorrow morning. On the one hand, I'm super-excited, and I can't wait to get a picture of me with an Alaskan salmon in my mouth. On the other hand, it's going to be rainy, and cold as fu%k, so I'm not really looking forward to that part of it.

I think I'm still a little down in the dumps about the whole Britney thing. By the way, Sarah Silverman's act was almost word-for-word the one she did for us in Vegas the week before. We must've been her test audience or something. I do have to give her props on her foresight. It was so appropriate to declare that Britney had already accomplished all she ever would after that horrendous performance. Way to call it ahead of time, Sarah.

I, on the other hand, was one of those suckers that thought Britney was going to do something amazing. I was super-jazzed to see her perform. I just knew she could somehow bring back the old Britney. That's why I took it so hard when she didn't care enough to put any effort into it. I felt betrayed. It's like, by keeping an open mind about her, and rooting for her, despite all of her horrific life choices, I feel like I was loyal. That she would be so careless with that faith just makes me mad. I feel dumb for believing in her. I also think she's an ingrate for squandering such a huge opportunity. That Chris Brown guy - oh, you could tell he was grateful for his fame. He put on a show! Jumped 3 feet in the air with all that energy, practically! Britney just acted like a baby and then put out less than the bare minimum. Just go home, Britney. You're done now.

:-(

Best Movie Ever

Alright, I'm calling it now -- many Oscar nominations for the movie 3:10 to Yuma. Go see this movie. It has so many layers of goodness. The acting was great (and I'm not usually a Russell Crowe or Christian Bale fan). Ben Foster (who I'd never noticed before in anything else) was super well-cast and did a phenominal job. The script was great. Apparently it's based on a short story, which is not nearly as detailed as the movie, and it's also a movie re-make. I'm super curious how it compares to the original. Anyway, it's a good time. Our movie critic friend said it's the best movie he's seen all year, and I'd have to agree.

Sarah Silverman is Magic

This weekend, we saw Sarah Silverman perform at the Mirage. It was so-so, and since I was super-pumped for the show, I guess that means it was a bit of a let-down.

On the one hand, she recycled a lot of her old jokes from the Jesus is Magic DVD, her energy was low, her timing was off, and she only performed for 40 minutes (that means the show was $2 per minute per person). On the other hand, we got to see about five minutes worth of new clips from next season of her show and she tested out some of the material she's thinking about using next Sunday night at the MTV VMA's. And, no matter how you slice it, it's Sarah SIlverman, who is pretty much the cutest thing ever, so, really, who can complain?

Spoiler alert!

Wanna hear the jokes she might use at the 2007 VMA's? One of the funny ones I can remember was about Amy Winehouse. She said something about Amy being Jewish, then asked, "She is Jewish, right? Well if she's not, someone needs to tell her face." I thought that one was hilArious!

Then she started talking about how it's weird that Amy WInehouse would have a last name like Winehouse, cuz that's, like, the last place she should be. "It's like George Bush's last name being Whitehouse, or Lindsay Lohan's last name being Behind-the-Wheel-of-a-Car." Ba-dum-bum.

Probably the most extreme joke she told was about Britney Spears. I have a feeling she'll use it too, since Britney Spears is expected to be there and Sarah's popularity sky-rocketed after the MTV Movie Awards earlier this year, where she bagged on Paris Hilton as Paris sat helpless in the audience.

So anyway, first Sarah talked about how much Britney has grown up. How a few years ago, she was just a little girl, dressed like a whore and writhing around the stage at the VMA's with a snake, and now she's a mom with two kids. Then Sarah pretended to take it back, saying it was mean -- that she shouldn't talk about Madonna like that.

Then she talked about how cute Britney Spears' kids were. Just as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of. "They look just like it too," she said. "Like this!" Then she smashed her lips together with her hands to make duck lips and turned her head sideways so they were vertical. Yes, like a hairless vagina. So vulgar!

Ah yes, that's the Sarah I love. She also had some choice abortion jokes. I think Sarah is at her best when she's the most crass. (See her Aristocrats video, for example.) Too bad she didn't have more new material and she was having an off night.

The one about the iPhone

One of the things I've been meaning to blog about is the iPhone. I know, I'm so timely and cutting edge. Shut it.

So anyway, I got my iPhone back in July, about a week after it came out. Brian had literally been waiting years for this thing to come out. We had the same crappy cell phones for about 4 years (well, I got mine replaced 2 years ago after I lost it at my bachelorette party, but I got it replaced with a crappier phone, so it shouldn't count as a new phone), so we were due for an upgrade anyway. Plus it was Brian's birthday, and it was all he wanted, and I can't say no to my sweet lover. So we got ourselves iPhones.

Overall, I'm happy that I got one. It's super-handy to have the internet available whereever you are, plus email, yellow pages, maps, YouTube and weather. And it's a damn sexy device. It's slim and well-designed. And the visual presentation of everything is really cool. It's just an artfully executed piece of technology. When it's working well, it's really cool.

Now here's a list (which, ironically, I keep on my iPhone notepad) called "Things I Hate About the iPhone." I don't actually hate it, it's just got some room for improvement. So if you're thinking about getting one, here are a couple of things you should consider:

1. The setup - I refuse to believe that most people had my experience, so this may never come into play for you, but it did take us a total time investment of about 13 hours over the course of two days to get our phones activated. The AT&T store didn't give us some code they were supposed to have given us, and when they finally gave it to us over the phone, we couldn't activate the phones anyway because the people at the store had typed in our address wrong. AT&T and Apple customer service did not work well together at all, so we kept getting passed around. It was a total nightmare. The only thing I can say is maybe it's better now that it's been a few months.

2. Fingerprints, make-up, and ear sweat - Probably the most impressive part of the iPhone is it's touch screen that somehow manages to stay scratch-free. It does not, however, stay grease-free. It gets really gross all the time. Although it comes with a screen cloth, that gets mucked up pretty quickly too. I know there's not much that can be done about that, it's just an inherent problem for a touch screen, so I guess you just have to buy cleaning cloths from the Apple store and just clean it after each use.

3. Very limited texting abilities - Ironically, I could do more with texting on my last crappy phone than I can with this one. You can't mass text everyone in your phonebook with the iPhone. In fact, you can't even send the same text to more than one person. You have to type and send each text separately. Also, you can't receive or send picturemail text messages.

The only solution I can think of to these two problems is scrapping texting all-together and just using email. If you can get your friends to email you their text messages, it should be no problem. And if you can get their cell phone email addresses, you can mass mail them using the email function. Otherwise, the text function is just a one-on-one text only instant messenger. On the plus side, the back and forth conversation is displayed in dialogue bubbles, so like with instant messenger, you can see the entire conversation in one screen.

4. Battery Life - You can get about 4 hours of constant use out of it or one full day of intermittent use. But you must charge it every night or it will be totally dead the next day. I've adapted though, and just keep it on its charging dock at work during the day.

5. There are no games for the iPhone - And the games I bought recently for my video iPod do not work on the iPhone. Not even Solitaire. Not even Tetris. Not even Minesweeper. No games for you. That just feels like a step backward to me. Oh well, I amuse myself with the internet when I'm waiting in line now.

6. The keypad - It takes some getting used to. At first, it's extremely frustrating that your fingers are way too big for the little keyboard that pops up when the phone is being held vertically and that it has no texture, so you have less control over which button you push. It's especially frustrating if you try to use your thumbs like you would on a Sidekick.

I will say though that the auto-correct feature is very effective and that I can type the fastest when I'm not concentrating on punching the right key. You just have to trust the phone is going to correct you as you go along and then proof-read once at the very end for mistakes. And use your index finger at all times!!

Another solution is to make the screen horizontal whenever possible. This magnifies the size of the keyboard and results in greater typing precision. Unfortunately, you can only bring up a horizontal keyboard in the internet window, and not in the texting, calendaring, maps, weather, and email windows. I've heard that they are doing a software upgrade though so that soon all of the functions will be able to be viewed horizontally. That will be very cool. It pisses me off that I can't read email horizontally.

7. No ringtones - As far as I know, you get the ringtones that it comes with and that's it. I haven't looked into it, but I'm hopeful they'll start making better ringtones pretty quickly here. What would be super cool is if you could edit your own ringtones from your song library. I know that's never going to happen though. They gotta get their separate ringtone revenue.

8. You can't actually play all YouTube videos - At first, it seemed like there were only like 10 videos total available for the iPhone, but now they've stepped it up a lot. Mostly, they still only have the most popular, but it's a lot better than it was.

9. You can't use regular headphones with it - Or a regular line-out jack for that matter. This just seems messed up to me. Like they're trying to make it incompatible with all the iPod accessories I've already bought just to make more money. The headphone jack on the iPhone is deeper, so you can jimmy your old headphones by carving off some of the rubber to make it fit, but it's hard to get a good fit, so you end up with static. On the plus side, the thing has little speakers built in, so I mostly just listen to it that way at work.

10. No GPS - It'll tell you how to get there, but don't expect any help if you make a wrong turn unless you can pull over and type in where you are.

11. Cannot highlight, cut, copy, or paste text. - Yeah, this gets annoying. They really need to fix this. Luckily, most features remember the last thing you typed. Not the notepad though. And you're screwed if you want to copy and paste anything from the internet.

12. Slow internet - The iPhone currently uses the Edge network. It's pretty slow. It's actually quite a deterrent to using the internet. And although the phone can automatically find wireless hotspots that could presumably speed things up, most wireless networks are password protected. So unless you're at Starbucks, Panera, the airport, or some other place with free wireless internet, you're pretty much at the mercy of the Edge network. I've heard that the next iPhone model will likely run on the 3G network, which is enough to make me buy a new one when it comes out. The YouTube videos still play at decent speeds, and its not quite as slow as dial-up, but it is slower than what you're probably used to.

13. Sometimes it seems to get confused - This manifests itself in many forms. Sometimes, if the battery isn't fully charged, the touch-screen won't register that I'm trying to use it. This results in missed phone calls and a very frustrated user. Sometimes, if the internet is still loading and I try to type something else in, it will crash. Sometimes, pictures on emails will not load properly, or it will take a full day or two before they can be viewed. Sometimes it'll tell you you have an email, but it won't load its contents for a few hours or a day. Sometimes voicemails will be received but you won't be able to listen to them right then.

14. You can put birthdays in your contacts, but it does not automatically sync them with your calendar - Maybe I'm just being picky now, but you would think that if I was typing it into the addressbook, I wouldn't have to go back and type it again into the calendar. For $600, I don't think I should have to type it twice. Or at least they could let me copy and paste. Bastards.

15. Very limited photo options - Once you've snapped a photo with the pretty high quality phone camera, it gives you a couple of options: Assign the photo to a contact; email someone the photo; or use it as wallpaper. But what if I want to upload it to my myspace profile while I'm on the go or post the photo on my blog? Not going to happen. You only get three options. It does not keep your photos in an accessible drive like on your home computer. Don't get me wrong, you can still take it home, hook it up to the computer, download it and then do whatever you want with it from there, it's just that when it's on your phone, it's not as versatile as it is on your home computer.

The work-around I found was to email yourself the photo at Flickr or somewhere like that that uploads photos via email. Then access that site in the phone's browser and link it to your blog. So far I haven't gotten the Blogger moblogger feature to work with the iPhone. I've used Flickr's email blogging function, but it's not consistent. I don't know why those programs don't like the iPhone. And it pisses me off that if I could just send a picture text, I wouldn't have to be messing with all of this, since most moblogging programs use sms texting.

Oh well. So that's my iPhone experience. Like I said, overall, I'm happy with it. It's got a nice camera and I like being able to watch YouTube videos in line at the post office. it's just definitely got room for improvement.

Oh, by the way betch...

So I went to see the comedian who does the Shoes video, Liam Sullivan, last Friday night at the House of Blues. The show was good - definitely worth the price of admission.

The opening act was this hilariously crass chick named Amy Claire. Then came Liam (aka Kelly). He showed a couple of his sketch comedy videos and then came out as Kelly to perform Text Message Break-Up and Shoes live.

We also got to see the brand new, unreleased Let Me Borrow That Top video. It was pretty frickin' funny. As funny as Shoes, I'd say. It's got all the same actors as the Shoes video, plus a few cameos by Margaret Cho, Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls (WOO!), and Dave Navarro. Oh, and here's a little bit of trivia: Kid Rock's sister, Jill Ritchie, who you may recognize from Arrested Development, plays the bitchy beauty queen next door in the video, from whom Kelly wishes to borrow that top. It's really so good. I can't wait for it to come out on YouTube.
After the show, Liam Sullivan greeted some of his fans. He was whisked away shortly after he met with us, so it was cool that we got to meet him. We talked about the Dresden Dolls and how he's in their new video for Shores of California. He said he didn't even know who they were until after he shot the video, but now he loves them. How funny is that? Alright, so here are some pics from the show. How cool is he??

Children of Marfan

July was a really good month for us. So good, I didn't have time to blog apparently. The big things were: two trips, one stay-at-home-mini-vacation, Brian's birthday, getting iPhones, and a job change.

Our first trip was to Palo Alto for the National Marfan Convention. We had a really good time. I got to re-connect with my heart doctor and heart surgeon from Stanford and we got to meet a lot of other people with Marfan Syndrome. We got some good information too.

Here's Brian just after we arrived:

One of the biggest surprises was that my heart surgeon, who was a speaker at the event, actually used echocardiogram video of my heart in his presentation - only he forgot to take my name off of it or ask my permission! Probably not such a good idea to use the marfanoid lawyer's medical records to violate HIPPA laws. Oh well. Good thing he's in my Top 5 Favorite Human Beings list or else he'd really be in trouble. Here's me and the guys that probably saved my life:

Like I said, I also met other marfanoids while we were there. (During our stay, we determined that the following were also acceptable terms for persons with Marfan Syndrome: children of Marfan, Marfanite, Marfanaut, Marfanid, one who has been marfed, and one who has been given the gift of Marfan.) Not all marfanoids are as tall as me, but there were some who were. Even taller actually. Here's me again with my surgeon and two other women he's operated on; one is 6'6" and the other is 6'8", I believe.

Oops, it's time for bed now! Gotta finish this blogpost later. Damn, I'm a slacker.

Captain America pees just like you and me

Captain America pees just like you and me
Originally uploaded by Cladeedah

Alright, well, maybe just like you.

Familiar face

Familiar face
Originally uploaded by Cladeedah

Oh, hello there Bad Jason.

So freakin' cute

So freakin' cute
Originally uploaded by Cladeedah

At a strip mall in San Diego...

At a strip mall in San Diego... Nowhere near the convention center.

On the way to San Diego

Barstow In-N-Out

Mo Better Blogger

Man, I hope this works. If it does, it means I just learned how to moblog on my new iPhone. We're en route to San Diego for our annual ComicCon trip. I'll try to be a better blogger now that I can blog on the go.

Mini-vacation

We decided to spend some time at home this week, so Brian and I are taking Thursday and Friday off. This means I only have to work one day this week - Tuesday. That's a nice feeling. :-)

It'll hurt if I swallow!

It was an all-around day of learning yesterday. We started the day by going to our CERT class and learning some first aid. That was pretty fun. Here are some photos, courtesy of Shannon.

Here's Brian lamenting my death.

Here's me being positioned so I don't swallow my tongue or choke on my own vomit.

Here's me bandaging up Brian's wound.

And here's me stopping Brian's bleeding by elevating his wound and pushing on his brachial artery.

Later, we went to see Sicko, the new Michael Moore movie. I didn't need to see this movie to know that healthcare in this country sucks. I have my own healthcare system horror stories. The movie was still fun though. We're discussing our relocation to France now. Of course, with all this new CERT training, maybe we'll just be able to take care of ourselves. (Yeah right.)

Oh my gawd, that was AWESOME!!!

We got to see a sneak preview of Transformers last night. Brian described it best when he said it was like eating frosting right out of the container. On the one hand, the story was retarded & full of plot holes, the dialogue super-cheesy, the characters flat stereotypes and the jokes lame. On the other hand, the transformers were AWESOME!!!!

During one of the first scenes where a Transformer transforms (Barricade is jumping through the air as a robot and then lands as a badass police car), you could actually hear the simultaneous gasp of every guy in the theater getting a stiffy. The gasps and applause continued throughout the movie, every time they showed a new transformer transform (ESPECIALLY when they revealed Optimus Prime) and everytime the robots fought.

In the end, I was left with one thought: "Oh my gawd, that was AWESOME!!!" So even though it isn't going to be winning any Oscars this year, it was still super bad-ass and super exhilarating. I will most likely see it again in the theater. Oh, and the super-hot chick lead, Megan Fox, was, in fact, really really hot. So yeah, just in case you needed another reason to go see it.

Fight fire with fire

As most of you probably know, I was peer-pressured into doing this Community Emergency Response Team class a few weeks ago. Basically, I have to go to class from 9am-12pm every Saturday morning for 5 weeks in order to get certified in how to survive and/or help others in an earthquake/fire/flood/disaster/other emergency.

I know what you're thinking. I hate 1) getting up early, 2) most other people, and 3) most physical activities, so what makes me think I would like any part of this? Honestly, I wondered the same thing.

But it's actually been pretty interesting so far. Yes, the instructors are melodramatic and somewhat... unsophisticated, BUT last week we did get to practice putting out a fire with this psuedo-bbq-firemaker-thing. That was kinda cool, I GUESS. And I guess we're learning some useful things about owning a home and what-not. So so far, it doesn't suck too bad.

Here's my goofy ass putting out a fire last week.

Get out of my dreams, Paris Hilton!

I've been having a lot of dreams about Paris Hilton lately. The other night, I dreamt that I was at a party, and I didn't really know anyone there, but then I saw Paris and I was kind of relieved, but still too shy to approach her. So then she saw me and was all intrigued by my height, so she came over and said hello. She was surprisingly tall with heels on - almost as tall as me without heels on. I was like, "Hey, why are you trying to be taller than me?" And she was like, "Because it's cool." She tried to stand on her tippy-toes to try and be taller than me, but it didn't work. Came close though. So then I wanted to ask her for a picture with her, but I thought it would kill our rapport if I asked, so I didn't. Later, someone else wanted a picture of us together, so I got one taken anyway. We were all girly and hugging on each other. Paris was my new tall, pretty, best-friend-of-the-week. I woke up feeling that way too.

The next night, I had another Paris dream. I dreamt I was at work in court and she got brought in to have her DUI trial. It was a big surprise to everyone, kinda like the whole her getting-out-of-jail-and-then-back-in thing. So anyway, I said hi when I saw her in my court. We chatted (since I knew her from the party the night before). Then I looked at my papers and realized that I was prosecuting her DUI trial. I told her I was preemptively sorry for being the one to put her in jail if she lost. She said it was okay, and kind of laughed it off. Like if she had to have someone prosecute her, it might as well be me. I woke up before the trial went forward, so I'm not sure how it ended.

Still... why so many dreams about Paris? Am I reading too much US Weekly? Feeling subconscious regret for wanting to see her ass locked back up? Do I want friends who are taller and blonder? What could it be?

Even more evidence that Brian and I are bound by fate...

If you're best friends with either Brian or myself, fate has determined that you must currently have an external fixator drilled into your leg.

Brian's best friend David, who broke his leg on Memorial Day weekend:


Claudia's best friend Allison, who had surgery to correct a leg problem just after MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!:

Coincidence or phenomenon? Decide for yourself.
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Good samaritans with digital cameras rule!

Here are the photos of us w/ the Dresden Dolls that some nice guy took with his camera and emailed us. The second one isn't a good one of me, but I included it anyway, just for the height comparison.

Brilliant!!

Thank you to Nick for passing along this new Gunther video. It is pure internet gold. Make sure to stay for the hottub striptease! (Probably not a good idea for work.)

Kindred Spirits

How cool is it that Kelly from the "Shoes" video is in the new Dresden Dolls video?

OMG, that was SO gay.

We went to the True Colors Tour last night. For all you link-o-phobics, that's the tour in support of homo, lesbo, and trannie equality. Those gays really know how to put on a show, lemme tell ya. Even Brian, who had no interest in any of the acts, had a good time. Here's how it went down...

My primary reason for going was because I love love love the song Good Day by the Dresden Dolls. They mostly do East Coast shows, so this was one of the only opportunities I'd have to see them. All I wanted was to hear that one song. I paid $250 for two seats on the floor, to see that one song.

I didn't get to hear or see that one song. Although the web site suggested they'd be the second or third opening act, they were actually the first. The show started at 8pm. We got there at 8:15pm. They were well into their third song. They only played two more songs while we were there, and while the songs were spectacular (Coin-Operated Boy & Girl Anachronism), they were not Good Day.

"Why is my life such a Greek tragedy?," I wondered. I had to find out for-sure whether either of the first two songs were my song. I asked a couple of people, but no one could tell me for sure. Then the Dresden Dolls announced they'd be meeting fans by the merchandise table.

HO-LY CRAP. I forgot my digital camera. WHY THE F@CK IS MY LIFE SUCH A GREEK TRAGEDY???

So we ended up meeting the band. Amanda Palmer was really nice, though I think she may have been under the influence of something cuz she asked me what city we were in. Whatever. She was nice. The guy, Brian Viglione was a bit cooler. Cooler like stand-offish, not cooler like badass. But they were nice enough to sign our tickets and a tank top I got and take pictures with us, so as far as I'm concerned he was nice too. Plus, he confirmed that they at no time performed Good Day that night. OH THANK GOODNESS! (I don't think he understood why I was so happy.) I asked some guy there to take our picture and email it to me. He said he'd send it next Wednesday. (fingers-crossed)

So even though I didn't get to hear my song, I did get to meet the artists, which was really cool. Oh, I forgot to mention that Amanda really does have crazy squiggly lines tattooed as eyebrows. And she grows her armpit hair super-long like a man. So that was pretty interesting to see up close. We had to miss the Indigo Girls to meet the band, but that's okay.

The rest of the show went like this...

Deborah Harry was surreal. (She'll be 62 next month). It felt like we were watching Florence Henderson rock out. Except each time she would move a little like she was getting into the music, she would stop like her hip was hurting or like her vertigo was setting in. It did not help her rock n' roll image that she had a Florence Henderson haircut and performed in capri pants and a white, collared, button-up shirt. Poor thing just seemed confused. She was the only one that didn't come back out at the end of it all for the big finale. We figured she fell asleep backstage or something. Poor thing.

Margaret Cho was hilarious. Rosie O'Donnell was hilarious.

Erasure was the super-ultra-gayest band ever. And by that, I mean they were super-ultra-fabulous. I had no idea they were the official gay-anthem band. (Famous gay anthoms include Take a Chance on Me, Respect, and Oh L'amour.) They definitely brought out the go-go boy in all of us.

Cyndi Lauper (she'll be 54 this month) was really cool. She was the opposite of Debbie Harry. Still highly energetic and bubbly, still modern and fun. Of course the place went crazy when she did Girls Just Want to Have Fun (w/ Rosie O'Donnell on the drums). And I totally called the weepy closing number with all the bands on-stage holding hands and singing True Colors. It was nice anyway.

Even though I didn't get to hear my one song, I definitely feel like I got my money's worth. Go to the HRC website to read about what that group's doing try and make the world less hateful toward the gays.

Dental Hell

My last appointment was by far the worst dental experience I've ever had. I cannot put into words how excruciating the pain was. It was worse than getting a dental implant drilled into my jawbone. Worse than getting my wisdom teeth out. Worse than having two root canals done in Mexico. Worse than heart surgery (and they shut my body down and sawed me open to do that sh*t!).

Long story short, a year after my root canal (American this time), my dentist figured out that my endodontist accidentally left a nerve in there, and that's why it never, ever stopped hurting. It started to hurt A LOT more recently because it got infected. The infection caused the novacaine they attempted to inject me with last week to have no effect. Something about the acidity and the pH being off. So, basically, I HAD A ROOT CANAL PERFORMED WITH NO ANASTHESIA!!!

No wonder it hurt so f%@$in' bad! See? I knew I wasn't just a whiny baby! Bastards...

I thought they stopped in the middle of the procedure last week because I was sobbing, shaking, and jerking so violently. I hyperventilated too (for the first time ever).

So today, I thought I was going back for more. You can imagine my joy when they told me they had gotten it all last time and that all I was there for today was an X-ray. Oh thank you Lord Baby Jesus!

They said it looked good for now, but I have to go back in two weeks to see if the pain stays gone. Fingers crossed...

I'm home

We're back! Yay! I'll blog pictures later when I have more time.

Leaving on a jet plane

I cannot wait for Friday night. We're taking a red-eye to New York City to see my BFF Allison, then we're taking a train down to New Haven, Connecticut for Brian's sister Erin's graduation. We'll be back late in the evening Tuesday. See ya after the long weekend!!

Working with women sucks ass

Is it really only Tuesday? Man, today was such a long, aggravating day. Some women I work with apparently decided that I didn't need my parking spot anymore, so they helped themselves to it, then got mad at me when I said something about it. I feel like that guy from Monty Python - I'm not quite dead yet! It turned into a big to-do, where everyone claimed they didn't care but stomped around the office all day real pissy-like. Whatever. I care. Ain't no shame. Go help yourself to someone else's parking spot. Crazy, audacious females.

Tall Crush

I saw a hot blonde chick as tall as me at the tall lady store today. I heard her say something about buying a jacket for court. After she left, the sales lady told me she was a lawyer too, and a criminal prosecutor even!! No way! I super-regretted not saying anything to her when I saw her. I just didn't want to harass the tall girl, you know? But just think... we could have had such a beautiful friendship. Oh well. It's a small town. I'm sure we'll run into each other again.

Turn it down!

I had my first real "I'm too old for this crap" moment last night. We went to this concert at the Joint. The lineup was The Bravery, They Might Be Giants, Plain White T's, Shiny Toy Guns, and the Silversun Pickups. We went for They Might be Giants and had no idea who these other bands were. Apparently, they're what's hot right now w/ all the Emo kids.

So there we were -- geeky 30-year-olds in a sea of Emo teenagers. We asked the hot girls in front of us how old they were and they told us 17 -- high school juniors. They came to see the Shiny Toy Guns for the second time. One of them had never heard of They Might Be Giants. God, that made me feel old.

I felt even older when I had to go to the back of the room because the loud music hurt my ears. (My head is still aching from the pain.) Standing there for three hours before TMBG came out also killed my back and my feet. I couldn't believe I had paid good money to be tortured that way. After TMBG's let-down 8-song performance, we were out of there. We missed the headliners, The Bravery, but didn't care. Who the hell are they anyway? It was a 1-hour traffic crunch out of the parking garage after the show. All in all, not worth it for an old fogie like me.

I've got a couple more concerts to go to this summer -- the True Colors Tour (Cyndi Lauper, Debbie Harry, Erasure, Dresden Dolls) in June, the Violent Femmes in July, and Kelly Clarkson in September. I'll be bringing my ear plugs for-sure.

Knocked Up...

...was really fu@*ing funny. So much like the 40-year-old Virgin in its comedy, and so so so funny. You should definitely check it out this weekend.

Defeated

I am so incredibly exhausted. This weekend was crazy.

Friday night a big group of us went out for Alexis' 30th birthday. We started at the Hofbrauhaus then went over to the Beatles bar, Revolution, at the Mirage. $1300$1700 later (spent on tableside bottleservice), there was almost a fist-fight in our group, one of our friends disappeared until 8:30 the next morning, and our 400 lb. friend Brad was absolutely wasted. The only one half-sober enough to manage the situation was Shannon, who weighs about a quarter of what Brad weighs. Kudos to Shannon for somehow getting him into her car.
Saturday, I had promised my three nephews I'd take them to this kid's festival thing, so I dragged my ass out of bed after four hours of sleep to go see Spongebob and Spiderman in person. It was grotesquely hot and the boys were wild. On the bright side, this is the best birth control EVER.

I got to collapse for about an hour before going back out Saturday night for some more birthday festivities. This time it was a "surprise" birthday dinner followed by karaoke for my friend the Housekeeper. More drinking into the wee hours of the night. No fights or missing persons this time, but I did do a horrific rendition of Sublime's Santeria, for which I should be severely punished. God awful. Here's me and the Housekeeper doing our terrible duet, censored with a picture of my cat. Inside joke.

Sunday was Mother's Day. We started out nice and early (after 5 hours sleep) with a nice brunch at Roy's, followed by a visit to the Titanic exhibit with Brian's mom and two of my nephews. The baby was one of them that we took, which made for a super-exhausting time at the museum.

Later we met up w/ the Housekeeper, who shared her sweet hook-ups with us so that we could all go see Spamalot. I liked it a lot. Thought it was really cute. Brian, a Monty Python purist, had some OCD issues with it not being just like the movie. ((shrug)) I don't know. I've never been a huge fan of the movie, but I love musicals, and thought this one was really cool. Sidenote: I guess Alice Cooper was sitting behind us, but I didn't notice.

Today I think I got my punishment for that horrible karaoke song. I had two dentist appointments - one for my latest stubborn bastard of a tooth problem, and the other for a follow-up on my tooth implant. Both were devastatingly traumatic. I think I have an official fear of dentists, starting today.

We were supposed to have a make-up Mother's Day dinner tonight with Brian's stepmom, but I just can't do anymore. I'm going to go veg out in front of the TV for the rest of the night. I just can't take anymore fun.

Allison and the Angry Inch

So a few weeks ago, my totally normal-seeming best friend revealed to me that in fact she is, and has always been, a mutant. Apparently, one of her legs is longer than the other, to the point where she is having back problems and is now going to have freak-altering, I mean, leg-lengthening surgery. She's started a blog to chronicle her attempts at normalcy. Visit it often to see if it works. Click here to get freaky-deeky with Allison.

Bad job = bad teeth

I forgot to explain the connection between my job and my teeth. According to my dentist, the reason why my tooth is fractured way down in the canal is because I clench my teeth at night. This all makes perfect sense. The worse work was the day before, the worse my tooth and head ache the next morning. In other words, I am losing my teeth because of stress. Yes, I have made an appointment to get a night guard.

Horrible Day

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff baby. That's what I need. Help me know I made the right choice. :-)

Beautiful Day

I got to do real justice today for very wonderful people, who were actually grateful for my help. It was a welcome change. I really can't be having any more days like this or else I'll be sad that I'm going in a few weeks.

Oh yeah, in case I haven't mentioned it, I put in for a transfer into the civil division at work. They offered me the job, so I get to move once my boss finds my replacement.

It wasn't any one thing that motivated me to go for it; it was more like a little bit of everything. Mostly that I'm at the five-year mark of my career, so I feel like I should be learning more skillz.

I'm sad to retire my prosecutrix title, but I'm happy for the change of pace. I'm actually looking forward to boring paper-pushing for a while. This high-drama criminal stuff can really wear you down.

Another wonderful thing happened today, by the way. Tori Amos' new album American Doll Posse came out today. I got the iTunes version (for the 2 bonus videos & tour pre-sale code) already, and I'm going out for the hard copy tomorrow. Borders has a bonus track exclusive, so I think I'll get it there.

That's all.

More of my dental curse

Got some bad news from the endodontist today. I guess that tooth that I spent $1100 getting a root canal on is cracked now, so they're going to have to just pull it out now anyway. That means another who-knows-how-much to get it pulled and another $2200 for ANOTHER horrifyingly painful implant procedure. Motherfu#@er.

It seems my baby Moka has inherited my dental curse as well. He and Enid had their teeth cleaned today. Moka needed 2 extractions. Total cost for anesthesia, cleanings, extractions, and medication = $608. Fu$%ing Go# Da@% Motherfu#@er.

For realz, somebody call CPS!

Got this from my friend Rebecca. It was so horrifying, I just had to share it.

i got cash

I feel like I should say something.

Sorry about all the awkward silence. Just busy I guess. Let's see, fun-wise, we saw Grindhouse on Friday night. I really enjoyed it. Go see it.

Saturday we went hiking at Redrock w/ my friends Jeanny & Josh who were in town. Saturday night we went to some fancy-schmancy trendy restaurant in the Hard Rock called Simon's. It was way overpriced and not worth it. Although if you're looking for a giant ball of cotton candy for dessert, that would be your place. Came home and watched Children of Men. I hated it, even though it had my favorite actor Clive Owen in it.

Sunday I slept in instead of doing the AIDS walk with my friends and husband. What? Someone had to play the part of the sponsor. Then we went over to Kev-dawg's house and bbq'd and played games. All in all a nice weekend.

I got tickets for next week to see Dita Von Teese doing her burlesque act at one of the shows here in town. I can't wait. Check her out if you don't know who she is or what she's about.

That's all I got.

Domin-Ho's: The Conclusion

I got a message from "Jack" on my answering machine today, "a supervisor in Las Vegas."

Apparently, he got my email about the CRP and Parmesan.

He let me know that: "it's been well over a year since [they've] carried them. They are looking at bringing them back, but, uh, as of now, no stores in Vegas do carry them. Uh, [he] will pass this on though. And, uh, hopefully we can get them back soon. Thank you."

That's word for word. It's hard to convey the contemptuous tone of his voice through text though. Thanks a lot for giving me absolutely no useful information. F*&@ing useless drone.

Viva la resistance!!

I'm a mess

CRAP! I can't find my car keys! I hesitate to say I lost them, because I'm sure they're just hiding out temporarily somewhere in my house. This is such a mess. Now I have to tow the car to the dealer, pay for a new key and for the car to be re-programmed, yada yada yada.

I also came to work without cash today, so I had to ask someone to get my lunch while they were out, and pay for it. Nice.

Now I'm trying to bum a ride home so I don't have to make my sweet, patient husband come all the way across town just to return to the other side to get home. I am such a loser.

It's only Tuesday and this week already sucks. Where's my "I'm a mess" t-shirt when I need it?

GIMME THAT CHEETO!!

Oh, blessed day! Today was Easter (also known as the day I got to eat Cheetos again). I gave up fried food for lent, so now, after 40 days of suffering, I finally got to stuff my face with yummy, crispy, greasy, goodness. I had Flamin' Hot Lime Cheetos for breakfast, followed by fried zucchini and onion rings. My stomach has seen better days, but I don't care, cuz it was divine. Stupid Costco was closed today or else I would have had a churro first thing. Oh well. Tomorrow will be my french fries and churro day. YUM!

Here's the awesome Easter basket Brian made for me:

Brian also observed lent this year, even though he's not really Catholic. I think he does it for the anticipation/satisfaction. Anyway, he gave up action figures, so he's been tearing open toys all day. Too bad Toys 'R Us was closed, or else he would have gone out and gotten more. Here he is with crazy eyes loving on the basket I made for him:

Domino's Response

Hmmm... I wonder if our movement actually garnered some attention. First, I got a hit on my blogpost from this web address: "gateway4.dominos.com (65.119.145.130)," indicating that Big Brother may, in fact, be watching. Then I got the following email. Bravo fellow freedom fighters, either way!


Dominos Case #: ******

Dear Mrs. *********,

Thank you for taking the time to contact the Domino's Pizza Customer Care Team.

I appreciate your comments and would like to apologize for this situation. I would also like to forward your concern to the Operations Director for your local store in order to have this matter taken care of, however, I need some additional information from you.

Could you please reply to this email at customercare@dominoscustomercare.com with the store's address and/or phone number, including the area code? Please make sure the customer case number listed in this email is in the subject line of your reply so we can promptly expedite your concern.

Thank you in advance for your response.

Sincerely,


Kate
Domino's Pizza Customer Care T.E.A.M.

Excuse me, could you tell me what planet I'm on?

You all know I hate to get all political n' shi*, but I just learned a very troubling bit of information that cannot go unaddressed. APPARENTLY, Domino's Pizza no longer carries crushed red pepper or parmesan cheese. No seriously.

They said they haven't carried them for over a year. Are they freaking kidding me? That's like McDonald's deciding they're just going to go ahead and not carry ketchup for their fries. Or Taco Bell deciding to give hot sauce a miss this year. I'm just going to come out and say it: that's totally freakin' lame.

This injustice calls for a major organized response. Much like in college, when the stoners rose from their hazy dorm rooms in protest of the generic Lucky Charms being served in the dining commons, I'm asking the parmesan and crushed red pepper lovers out there to rise up in protest of this atrocity. If the stoners can get real Lucky Charms back into the DC, we can get our condiments back into the Domino's Pizzas of America. Just think. If this ridiculous cost-cutting measure isn't quelled now, it could spread and inspire other tasty, low-cost pizza chains to do the same. We can't let that happen. "Rise up in the cafeterias and stab them with your plastic forks!!"*

Here is a link to the Domino's Pizza online complaint form. If you are as outraged as I am, please take a moment to make your voice heard. Here is a sample letter you can cut and paste into the form:

Dear Sir/Madame: I just learned that you no longer carry parmesan cheese or crushed red pepper in your store for your pizzas. That's like McDonald's not carrying ketchup for their fries or Taco Bell not carrying hot sauce for their tacos. Or like an airline choosing not to pass out peanuts. It may save your company money, but that money is saved at the expense of your red-pepper and parmesan-loving customers. I personally cannot eat pizza without crushed red peppers on it. Until they are returned to your stores, I will take my business elsewhere. Thank you for taking the time to read my complaint.

Remember the words of Cesar Chavez: Si se puede!!

* From Pump Up the Volume, circa 1990.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

Behold! It's the dance-off to end all dance-offs: Shakira vs. Beyonce. It's toward the end of the video, but it's well worth the wait!