Bat Sh*t Crazy

So there's this crazy lady that comes to one of my weightlifting classes and, instead of weightlifting, just does crazy, random sh*t the whole time. Before I explain, let me first paint the picture.

She's a short Latina lady in her mid to late 50's who wears a do-rag on her head and enough black eye makeup to make mine look natural. Last week, she wore a fishnet catsuit with black socks and sneakers. This week, she wore bright orange short-shorts over black leggings.

So here's what she does. While we're all concentrating on slowly doing our bicep curls, she puts her weights down and starts ghetto humping the air. I mean, really shaking her money-maker. Like a stripper gone horribly, horribly wrong. I cannot begin to describe how odd this is when juxtaposed with the weightlifting.

She also walks around the room (while everyone else is stationary), goes up and freaks on the instructor, steals the instructor's weights, tries to carry on unsolicited conversations with him during class, and does every random exercise in the book other than the one the instructor is teaching. Then she dances some more. So distracting...

Last night I was with two co-workers who had to face the sidewall in order to finish their sets without laughing. As we were leaving, another lady said something about the crazy lady being a distraction. My friend suggested we complain, since attendance in the class seemed to be dwindling and we didn't want the class to get cancelled. So we told the lady at the front desk, who didn't seem to appreciate the magnitude of the problem. So I just felt guilty afterword for saying anything at all.

Why should we care that this free spirit is doing her own thing? Well... because it's really f'ing distracting, and it's a group weightlifting class, that's why. It's not solo stripper-cise. And now one of my co-workers won't go back to the class because she can't focus on the exercises. I haven't decided yet whether I'll go back. It's like choosing whether to go to the grocery store with the crazy, homeless person versus the clean, quiet one a little further away. Even if the crazy person is harmless, you'd just rather not deal with it.

I keep going back and forth about it. Were we wrong for complaining? Should we have just minded our own business and faced the wall? Should we go back next week? What's the right thing to do here?

Front row center

Last night, Alexis, Shannon, Vanessa, and I went out and saw Sarah Silverman. This was my third time. We had a good time overall, but I think this is going to be my last Sarah Silverman show for a while. She just does too many of the same jokes. If you want to see the pics from last night, click here.

The cool thing this time was that we were front row center, so we got to see a lot more of her performance and interact with her. When she first came out, she saw me taking pictures (no flash) and she posed for me. So that was really cute.

And one time I yelled out, "I love you Sarah!" and she was like, "Thanks, but I'm standing right here, you don't really have to yell."

And then a little while later, she sweated me for taking so many pictures. It doesn't take much to derail her train of thought, and I think it was distracting her, so she posed, I took my last 2 pics, and that was it.

A little while later, some heckler derailed her train of thought again, and she said the heckler was her friend "Michelle," but she refused to finish her joke because Michelle had thrown her off. So everyone was cheering for her to finish the joke, and when it became clear she wasn't going to, I yelled, "F- you, Michelle!" and she laughed. So that was kinda neat.

She interacted a lot with Vanessa too. I don't remember the exchanges though. Too self-absorbed I guess.

I always suspected she used notes on the stool she keeps next to her, but now that we were really close, we got to see the incriminating evidence up close. Also, she got way more thrown-off this time, and almost just, like, gave up at the end. So although she was as cute as ever, she didn't put on a super-fantastic show. I hate to say it.

My heart is broken

We didn't get the house. They accepted an offer last night. It's possible it was sold even before they got our offer.

:-(

OMG!

We put an offer in on a house last night. It's so nerve-racking! It's a foreclosure, so there are multiple bids. You don't know what other people are bidding and you don't know whether your offer is good enough until it gets rejected and someone else's gets accepted. We're totally psyching ourselves out. Should we go $20k more? $40k more? Are we just overthinking it and throwing money away or is there another couple who wants an old house with a pool and an open floor plan in that area as bad as we do? So scary...

Anyway, here's a bad picture of the house at issue. The street view on google maps is way better. Email me and I'll give you the address. I don't want to post it here.

Fake bake

So last Saturday we went to the lake with Brian's boss and coworkers. The day before, I was still pale white, so I had to do something to get my tan on. I went to Neon Sun and used one of the high-pressure beds to get as tan as possible in 24 hours. That wasn't enough, so I got a spray tan too. The backs of my ankles had streaks from that though, so I got some Aveeno lotion with self tanner to even it out. Despite all my efforts, I still wasn't tan out at the lake. After a long day of fun in the sun, I finally got my tan (I applied sunscreen twice). My prized George Hamilton has held up all week. I'm not going to go all tanning bed crazy or anything. I might keep up the Aveeno and the spray tan, but that's about it.

You don't see that everyday

This is a picture of the bathroom lines during the intermission of Video Games Live (where the Las Vegas Philharmonic played the music of dozens of popular video games). The door on the right is the men's bathrooom. The door on the left is the women's bathroom. Notice there are only 3 women in line for the women's bathroom...

Wow, that is cool

I'm a little slow on the uptake - Brian and Jesse have been talking about this site called Pandora for weeks. It's based on the Genome Music Project. Basically, it's an online radio station that plays the music you choose and suggests new music based on what you like. I have a Tori Amos Station, a Weezer station, and a Dresden Dolls station, and, I must say, they're all very good. Try it out if you're looking for a simple way to find new music.

Claudia SMASH!!!!

Just got back from seeing a sneak preview of the new Hulk movie starring Ed Norton. Not to get your hopes up or anything, but it was really really really freakin' awesome.

First of all, the casting was spot on. Not sure if it was the casting director or the film director that had a thing for 90's stars, but obviously one of them did. The movie starred 90's video vixen Liv Tyler; Quentin Tarantino favorite Tim Roth (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms); and, of course, Ed Norton (Primal Fear, Fight Club, People vs. Larry Flynt, American History X). Maybe I'm just in the target marketing demographic for 90s casting, but I honestly thought the choices were bold and brilliant.

As far as the director goes, I've never heard of the guy before, but I must say I'm impressed. I guess he's French and he directed The Transporter. And that's about it. Surprising that they gave him such a huge film, but obviously somebody knew he'd do it justice, cuz he did good. He definitely kicked Ang Lee's ass with this one.

And did you know Ed Norton co-wrote the screenplay? So freakin' hot.

I'm calling an Oscar for best sound editing and sound effects right now.

So yeah, it was really good. Good script, good action, good characters, good casting. I won't say anything more. Just go see it.

Final grade: A.

F**kin' F**kers

Stupid Apple. $200 for GPS AND a faster internet connection??? That's less than the iTouch!

Summer movies

I've been seeing an assload of movies lately. Thursday we saw an advance screening of You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It was super silly, but very funny. I enjoyed it. Don't go in with high expectations and you will be amused. Final grade: B.

Friday we went and saw Kung Fu Panda. That was also pretty good... not that I'm into cartoons or anything, I'm just saying... classic underdog tales are just good, that's all. Final grade: B+.

Last weekend I saw Sex and the City. I really enjoyed it. It was total female fantasy fulfillment. All the women had great careers, great homes, great clothes, great friends, and an endless supply of money. So it was a lot of fun. Like Iron Man was for the boys. I also really enjoyed it because it felt like hanging out with old friends. I totally have an emotional connection to those characters. Anyway, you'll love this movie, as long as you're a chick. Final grade: A-.

Tomorrow we're seeing an advance screening of the new Hulk. I'll report back on how Ed Norton does. I expect he'll be fabulous though. Is it me, or is he always typecast as the Jekyl/Mr. Hyde guy?

Yo-yo dieter

My weigh-in today went BAD, BAD, BAD. I gained 2.8 pounds. Let that be a lesson to you. Villa Pizza is as horribly bad for you as you think it is. Current weight: 174.6. Total weight loss to date: 24.8 pounds.

Weird Dream

I had a dream this morning that Brian turned into a vampire and wanted to kill me. He had his hands around my throat at one point, trying to kill me or pin me or something, and I looked at him and said, "I know the real Brian is in there somewhere, and I know he would never kill me." The real Brian then came through for a second and fought off the vampire urge to kill me. He let me go and told me to run away. He couldn't hold off his homicidal urges for very long.

As I ran for the door, I realized that me escaping was no resolution at all. I would never see him again. So I went back and told him to just kill me - that I'd rather be dead than be away from him. He then grabbed me from behind. As I was standing there waiting for him to rip out my throat, his grip turned into an embrace and he turned human again. Seeing as how I was all prepared to die and everything, I was kind of surprised. I was like, "Wait a sec, did our love just cure you?" and Brian was all, "Yeah, I guess so." And then we were all happy and made out.

WEIRD!

It Must Be All That Chewing and Spitting

I rocked the house at Weightwatchers this week. I lost 3.2 pounds, which more than made up for the 2.4 pound weight-gain from last time. That brings my weight down to 171.8 pounds, and my total weight loss to 27.6 pounds. It's exactly where I want to be - somewhere between 170-174.

This past weekend I went to Phoenix and went shopping for pants for the first time since I started losing weight. I went from a size 16 pants (nearing an 18) to a size 12 regular/11 junior. Kickass.

Also, I'm feeling really good about maintaining. I haven't tracked my food now in nearly 9 weeks. And I've been off the BodyBugg for 4 days. The training wheels are officially off and I'm doing fine. I now know by heart how much exercise I have to get in order to keep eating the crap I like without gaining weight. I can totally live like this and still be happy.

Exciting News!!

Have you heard the good news? VH1 is working on Charm School 2, starring girls from both seasons of Rock of Love. It's rumored that they've got Heather, Lacey, Daisy, Angelique, and Kristy Jo signed on. How skank-errific is that??

The Curious Incident of the Drilldo in the Night

After my work thing last week in Tahoe, I stayed a few extra days in Reno to see my college girlfriends. I stayed with my friend Erica. About 3 days after I returned home, Erica emailed me to say thanks for the tip about getting Leslie a "drilldo" for her birthday. I didn't know what the heck she was talking about, so I just ignored it. Later, she left me a voicemail with the same message. Now I was curious. WTF was she talking about? And WTF is a drilldo?

It turns out someone had programmed a calendar alert in her iPhone so that Tuesday at 10am, while she was going about her normal work day at the insurance company, her phone would buzz reminding her it was time to buy our friend Leslie a drilldo for her birthday. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious! She said she had asked Leslie (also an iPhone user) if she had done it, and Leslie said no, so she figured it was me, since no one else with access to her phone would know how to program a calendar alert.

It started to jog my memory. I do remember messing with her phone. And I do remember wanting to put something on her to-do list. Then thinking it would be funnier if it was in the form of an alert. And if it went off in the middle of a normal work-day. But I've never ever heard of a drilldo. Why would I have put that?

The more I thought about it, the more it came back to me. I had intended to type "dildo," but the autocorrect on the phone changed it to "drill." Erica was sitting right next to me when I did it, so I just added "do" to the end of it and gave her back her phone, thinking that was ever funnier. That's not where the story ends though.

The next day, I called Leslie to tell her the funny story and she now insisted that she was the one that typed in the alert, and that I had conjured up the memory in my mind. Holy crap, was I confused. Did I or didn't I? Was it a real memory or a mental concoction? In the end, I decided that Leslie was just messing with me and that I had in fact done it and forgotten about it, then remembered later. She still swears she did it, but I really think she's just evil and taking advantage of my horrible memory. Anyway, here's your reward for reading to the end of this story.

Filthy Gorgeous

This is my favorite workout jam right now. (Sorry Britney.) The video is crazy, so it may not be safe for work. The song rocks though!!

I'm a lifer

I'm now officially a lifetime Weightwatchers member. That means I get to go to any meeting I want anywhere I want for free for the rest of my life, as long I don't go more than 2 lbs over my goal weight. I'm about 2 pounds below it right now, which is a little too close for comfort, but whatever, I can't complain. I'm still below my goal. :-)

The bad news is I'm still having trouble maintaining. I gained 2.4 pounds this week. It's no mystery why. I was sick and didn't work out for a full week. Plus, I was in Tahoe for a work thing for most of the week, so I ate out and horribly every day. Being sick is the one "red light emotion" I have to worry about. Red light emotions are those that make you turn to food for comfort. I'm not really an emotional person, so it's not an issue for me most of the time (except for maybe boredom), but the one time I have noticed that I get all crazy with food is when I'm sick.

This week, BBQ brisket sandwiches and fries have been my downfall (twice). Plus, loaded up nachos, pasta, pizza, churros, Baskin Robbins Rocky Road (twice), and strawberry french toast. Maybe I would have been able to handle it had I been working out, but the food coupled with the inactivity yielded me two and a half pounds. I'm feeling better now though, and I've made it to the gym all but one day this week, so hopefully this week will be better. Total weight loss so far = 24.4 lbs.

The reason for my pregnant Asian fetish

Jeanny is so freakin' cute

Smell ya later

I forgot to mention I'm in Tahoe until Friday, then in Reno until Sunday. I'll moblog if anything fun pops up,

Race for the cure 2008

Maintaining is the hardest part

My goal is to stay at the weight I'm at. It's proving to be very difficult. I lost another 1.4 pounds today. People do not feel bad for me and don't want to hear me complain, so I won't. I'll just be happy that I'm only one week away from becoming a "lifetime" Weightwatchers member and leave it at that*. Total weight loss so far: 26.8 pounds.




* If you think I'm not eating enough, here's a samplng of this week's menu: A chai tea latte every day; all-you-can-eat Brazilian steak Friday night; brownies and Fritos before dinner Saturday night; steak chili; cheddar chicken with black beans; sushi; steak and potatoes; movie popcorn; sour Skittles; and an avocado and pepperjack chicken sandwich. That's in addition to the yogurt, fruit, Fiber 1 bars, and salad that I eat repeatedly throughout the day. It has to be all the working out (which I refuse to cut back on).

God will punish you

Brian has a strict "no horn" policy in his car. Every time somebody cuts him off or nearly hits him while I'm in the passenger seat, I reach for his horn because I know he will never honk it himself. He's always able to fight me off before I can honk it though.

In my car, it's a different story. It's not that I'm a liberal horn-honker. I'm just not afraid to use it in non-emegency situations to communicate my distaste for what other drivers are doing.

So last night, I'm driving home from seeing Ironman (which freakin' ROCKED, btw), and I'm trying to merge onto the freeway, but this guy won't let me on. Well, my lane is about to let me right back off the freeway, so I slam my brakes and merge behind the guy at the last possible second. In a mini-exercise of wrath (a total sin, mind you), I honked my horn. Unfortunately, it got stuck.

I slowed way down hoping to lose the guy I had just honked at. The last thing I needed was for him to shoot me for laying on my horn. I proceeded to slap and punch my steering wheel in an effort to get it to stop honking. This continued for the next 15 miles. Instead of going home and waking up my neighbors at 10 o'clock at night, I pulled into a parking lot to see if I could fix the problem.

I turned the car on and off, and nothing. I got out and kicked the steering wheel, and nothing. The sound blared on and on. So agitating. So embarassing. Straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. I looked in the owner's manual, and there was nothing about the horn getting stuck. I called Brian to come help, then called Triple A to see if they could help (having to yell over my deafening horn for the lady to hear what I was calling about).

While I sat there waiting, people kept driving by and slowing down to see why I was honking my horn. Was I slumped over the wheel? In need of help? Stealing a car? I just waved them on by. Nothing to see here, keep moving along people.

Forty minutes after it started, Brian managed to get it to stop. (My hero.) Although I was tempted to test the horn to see if it would get stuck again, I resisted. I've learned my lesson. I have now implemented a strict "no horn" policy in my car as well.

Shake that thang, oww

We returned to barn dancing this weekend after about a two year break. It was a good time, and a great cardio workout. Check out Greg's super-masculine do-rag. HOTT!!!

He's got Moxie

At the AIDS Walk on Sunday we saw Penn Gilette with his daughter Moxie Crimefighter. Damn him for stealing my future baby's name!

1-800-4-MY-HO

This van was in front of me the other day while I was driving. It cracked me up! You might have to click on the pic to make it bigger to see why.

Oh, and I just figured out how to blog from my cell phone again. So yeah, expect more cell phone pics like these.

Prego fetish

Jeanny and I went and worked out Saturday morning while I was in Reno this last weekend. (It was a last minute work thing.) Anyway, here's her looking adorable and pregnant in her workout gear. She weighs half as much as me, is 5.5 months pregnant, and she still did heavier weights than I did. She kicks butt!!

AIDS is bad, mm-kay?

Brian and I are doing to AFAN AIDS Walk on Sunday. Brian designed the ad campaign and worked on the commercial with Penn and Teller, so that's how we got involved. I've raised $618.99 so far, which is WAY MORE than I ever thought I would raise. Thanks to everyone who donated. You kick butt. If you want to donate, please visit my personal pledge page. Thanks!!

Pizza Pizza!

Oh, and I forgot the whole point of my last post was to say that I lost 1.4 pounds this week, which puts me back at 174 pounds. That was shocking to me, considering I ate pretty unrestrained while I was in Chicago, including Chicago-style stuffed pizza, Thai food, breakfast sandwiches, and more pizza. Nevermind the fact that I bumped my head on the airport shuttle and needed some comfort food for the pain. Yesterday, I went straight from the doctor's office to the Taco Bell drive-thru for my first Mexican Pizza in 6 months. It was heavenly.

My theory is that this is just the result from two weeks ago when I was actually being good. I have noticed that I have a delay in my weight-loss sometimes. So next week I expect that I'll pay for my Chicago indiscretions. That's cool though. I have a 5-pound cushion before I get too fat to make my "lifetime member" status. Total weight loss so far: 25.4 pounds.

I ate my weight in Chicago-style pizza!

We got back from Chicago Sunday night. Jesse's play was fantastic. He was fantastic. All the other 12 and 13-year-olds were all shy and quiet and scared, but Jesse was all charisma. Nice and loud and funny the whole time. The crowd laughed every time he came out. He was really committed to the role. Playing it up and everything. Great job, honey!

The rest of the trip was cool. I'm super gay for Frank Lloyd Wright, so we went by his original house and studio in Oak Park. He also designed like 10 of the houses in that neighborhood, which were absolutely beautiful. Because it was his very first house that he built when he was young and poor, it was not that impressive. Not nearly as cool as the house he died in 70 years later - Taliesin West in Scottsdale, AZ, which I saw back in December. That house was amazing. But it was still pretty cool. I can happily cross it off my "100 things to do before I die" list.

Sunday we went to the Art Institute and then home. We stayed the weekend with our friends Yasmien and Chris, who were phenomenal hosts. We're planning on going back in the early fall for their wedding. All in all, a very nice weekend.

I thought it was for real

Another hilarious commericial:

Mr. Wind

This commercial is hilarious.  I got it off Megan's blog.

I'm out

We're leaving super early tomorrow morning for Chicago to see Jesse's stage debut. He's got a lead role (Nathan Detroit) in Guys and Dolls. I can't wait to see it. I am such a ridiculous stage auntie already. The weather is supposed to be sh*t, but I'm still excited.

Shaved Pussy

We got our cat Enid shaved last weekend.  Here are a couple BEFORE pictures:

And here are a couple AFTER pictures:

I think it's super cute.  She was just getting too nappy and unkempt. Hopefully she'll appreciate the short do in the upcoming summer months.  

All that ass inside them jeans

I gained a pound this week.  Yeah, that's what happens when you stop keeping track of what you eat and chow down on Chipotle, brownies, cupcakes, and chocolate cake all in the same week.  Oh, and I also boozed it up at David's going away karaoke party last Saturday.  Here's me lap-dancing Brian while singing Tom Jones' Sex Bomb:  

Good times.  Anyway, it's cool cuz I was kinda trying to gain weight this week.  Well, at least stop losing weight.  So yeah, goal accomplished.  Hopefully I'll stay the same next week.  I don't want to gain back too much more. 

Can't turn it off

I lost 1.8 lbs this week. The thing is, I already hit my 22-pound goal 3 pounds ago. I ate way more this week, but I still lost weight. Maybe it's just taking an extra week for the change to kick in. We'll see if I can stop it next week. If not, I'm turning to Ben & Jerry's. Total weight loss so far: 25 pounds.

Hip-Hop Hoor -- oh hell no.

I tried the hip-hop dance class at the gym last night. It was a fu$&ing tragedy. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty when I noticed that the front row was all Asian strippers in midriff hoodies and sports bras.

After five minutes of poppin' and lockin', I was ready to go. My friend Bethany wouldn't let me leave though. Later, the guy in front of her wouldn't stop looking back at her and laughing. She almost cried. I knew we should have left earlier...

I don't think I was the worst in the class. I caught maybe every 4th step or so. But I definitely did not have a good time. And it was not enough movement to be considered a good workout. So I wasted an hour, felt like a gimp, didn't get my cardio done, and hurt my knee.

But for some reason, we're going to try it again next week.

April Fool's Day Jokes Are For Children

That's what my best friend said when I told her I was lying about being knocked up. I got her and a couple of girls from work. I had my pregnant friend Hilary pee on two pregnancy tests and everything. I have to admit, I felt a little bad about it, but it was still really funny. I guess I'm just a child at heart. :-)

Another one bites the dust

Guess who's having a baby? It's Brian and me. We just found out. I'm still in shock, quite honestly. Our plan to wait two years, do genetic testing, and use a surrogate has just gone out the window. I can expect an extremely delicate and stressful pregnancy. Obviously, this wasn't something we planned, but everything happens for a reason, so we're happy about it. Cautiously happy.

Healthy Bit&h

I'm finally in a healthy body fat percentage range!  Halfway through my "weightloss journey" I had a 36% body fat percentage.  That is considered unhealthy.  Now it's down to 30%, which is at the bottom of the healthy range.  Oh well, at least I'm healthy! 

I also saw my heart doctor today.  I was hoping it'd be like the Biggest Loser where I'd get to find out that all my health stats were much better.  

You know:  "How's your asthma?" In a dramatic whisper: "Gone."  Crying commences.  

Unfortunately, it was just a routine visit, so there were no tests done.  The only difference we spotted was my resting heart rate - before the weight loss it was 66.  Now it's 50.  

My doctor was alarmed at first at the dramatic weight loss since my last visit 6 months ago, but then I assured her I wasn't anorexic, and that I was working out a lot and felt better than I ever have, and then she got happy for me.   I told her I wanted to try running a 5K and she suggested I do a marathon.  I was like, "Baby steps.  I'm nowhere near that."   

The Amazing Catlad

Guess who got into art high school?  

Skinny Bit&h

I lost 1.8 pounds today. And I reached my goal weight. I've lost 23.2 pounds overall. (My goal was 22.) If I can stay near my current weight (I can't go more than two pounds over) for 5 weeks, I will be a lifetime member and no longer have to pay for meetings. That's the new goal. I'll start training for the 5k after that.

Confessions of a 30-year-old drama queen

I went to confession today for the first time in, like, 20 years. I was raised Catholic, but my mom didn't really make a big deal out of confession, so we never really went. In fact, I always thought that as long as you prayed for forgiveness for your sins, you were good to go. Turns out, I was sooo wrong, and that even taking communion without confessing was a MORTAL SIN. Oh crap!

I was talking to a recently converted coworker about it this morning. She showed me this little book she uses that explains the confession process. It turns out I am so bad in so many ways I didn't even realize. So I made myself a dirty laundry list and headed down to confession at lunch.

I was super -scared, but I told the priest how long it had been, and he was really nice. Told me it was okay, just happy I was there, yada yada yada. So I got out my list and confessed. All 20 years of it. It was a surprisingly powerful experience. Afterward, he said all my past sins had been forgiven and that I could now focus entirely on the future. It felt really amazing. And (since I'm all about confessing today) I have to admit, my coworker told me to go to that priest because he tended to be light on the penance. Turns out she was right. Only 7 Our Fathers and 7 Hail Marys for all of my youthful indiscretions! Sweet! I guess I'm not so bad.

So now the pressure's really on. I got a clean slate. The question is, what am I going to do with it?

I got nothin'...

What's it been, like two weeks since my last post? Sorry, I just got nothing. I've been seriously selfish for the last couple weeks, focusing mainly on exercise in my free time. It's quite nice, actually.

This week I fell off the wagon a bit on my dieting, but I've been exercising pretty consistently. I've taken to trying out new classes at the gym, biking to the gym, and committing to at least 30 minutes each day of solid physical activity. (There's a side story here about me being really bummed out after I showed up to water aerobics and there were only like 5 little old ladies there.)

I still think I gained two pounds this week, but I don't really care. I'm feeling good and I know that overall I'm persistent with my diet, so I know eventually the weight will come back off. It does kinda kill me though that we didn't have a weigh-in last week for spring break, and that I think I reached my overall goal then, but now I'm back up to what I was the week before. Oh well...

Fat Camp Chronicles

I lost 1.8 lbs today. That brings my total overall weight loss to 21.4 lbs. One pound to go and then I can go on maintenance, which means slightly more food each day. I'm wearing an old suit I couldn't fit into before. It's one of the only suits I have that fits me. All my other ones are way too big now.

20 pounds, you are a cruel and elusive mistress

I lost .4 lbs this week. It's not as much as I'd hoped, but I can't complain. I still lost. I was okay this week except for this one teensy-weensy delicious mediterranean salad I had at the California Pizza Kitchen. I forgot to ask for the dressing on the side, and I'm sure it was more points than a cheeseburger. Oh yeah, and then there was that little dessert rampage I went on last Friday. I had a "little taste" of 4 different desserts, which turned out to be like 12 bites. I might as well have gotten my own. :-) Oh well... Total weight loss so far: 19.6 lbs.

Someday, we'll look back and laugh

So I went and saw my girlfriend Sarah Silverman for the second time about a week ago. Brian was supposed to go with me, but he wanted to geek-out with his guy friends, so Vanessa went with me instead. In exchange, Brian was our designated driver, agreeing to drop us off and pick us up.

So the night's going great. We have dinner at the Pink Taco, get our drink on, go see Sarah Silverman, take some pictures of Sarah with my iPhone, hang out with some nice, funny girls from the audience -- everything's cool. Until I try to show one of the girls something on my iPhone and realize... it's gone.

I FREAK OUT. We ransack my purse, my pockets - it's nowhere to be found. We check with security, they check the theater - no luck. Lost and found also has nothing. Another Sarah Silverman show is about to start, so they tell us to check back after that. So we go to the dance club for a little while, then decide to head home.  On the way out, one security guard tells me she thinks they found my phone. I was like, SWEET! But then I check lost and found, and they still have nothing. I sit around (now with Brian) for another hour and a half, waiting for the show to be over and sweating security about having my phone and not giving it to me. In the end, they found nothing. 

Defeated, we decided to leave. We called the phone one last time before we left. Just then, my purse started vibrating. Turns out, it was in there all along. 

Brian was not pleased.

I tried to explain that we had all searched the purse - all four of us drunk chicks, and not one of us saw it. It must have been divine intervention. I really think the phone somehow teleported back into my purse, cuz I'm telling you, it was not there three hours before. Brian wasn't impressed. I tried to explain that it was a good thing we found the phone in my purse, not a bad thing, but that also didn't work. Brian was pissed, and I was going to get the beat-down, whether I liked it or not...

Fatty update

I knew I wasn't going to lose a whole lot this week. I went out drinking and fajita-eating on Saturday, and had plenty of chips and guacamole throughout the weekend to know it wouldn't be a good week. I did lose .8 lbs anyway, so I can't really complain. More importantly though, I made my 10% total weight loss goal. I got the commemorative key chain and everything. So... I think I'm going to try to lose about 5 more, and then I'll transition into a maintanence program. Part of me is scared to reach my goal because I'm afraid of gaining it back. We'll see how it goes. Total weight loss so far = 19.2 lbs. (my numbers are off somewhere, but this is the right total overall loss).

My New Car

Ok, not really. But isn't it adorable? This is probably one worthy for the tall blog. This guy came up to me tonight and said, "You would fit in my car!" Then the guy said it a few more times. I'm thinking, like, "OK, weirdo, I can fit in your car. I can fit in mine too, whatever!" So then he says he has a "Smart Car," and a lightbulb goes off in my head. Those are those tiny cars that look like rollerskates. I've always wondered if I could fit into one of those! So I asked him if I could sit in it and see if I really could. Sure enough, as little as it was, it was roomy as all hell. He says he gets 60 miles to the gallon. I totally want one now!!!

Skinny-minnie

So I lost 2.4 pounds this week. That brings my total weight loss up to 18.4 pounds. I'm super close now to my 10% total weight loss goal. I didn't even think I wanted to lose this much weight before, but now that I'm almost to 20, it's like, why not go for 25? As thin as I am, I'm still not in the healthy body fat range. In fact, my trainer thinks I should aim for another 6.4 pounds in order to get myself there. Hmmmm..... I'll have to think about that.

In the meantime... I'm still super-motivated and super positive about the whole eating better and exercising more thing. Sunday, we biked for about 3 hours. It was super-fun. And, shockingly, I really enjoy going to the gym. I never thought I could be that person. My trainer is an absolutely perfect fit for me. She's stripper-hot, but super-nice, so I'm not intimidated by her. And she babies me and kicks my butt just the right amounts. The BodyBugg is also playing a huge motivational role.

I'm also very much into cooking now. I love that I can make really tasty meals and that we're not eating crap anymore. It's doubly rewarding.

So that's my weight-loss story this week. :-)

The White Stuff

I stole this from Megan's blog. I just couldn't resist. It was just too amusing. It's a blog called Stuff White People Like. I'm only half white, which explains why only a couple apply to me. It is uncanny though, the way they called me out on Japan, Sarah Silverman, public radio, sushi, Apple products, Arrested Development, Wes Anderson movies, and Barack Obama.

Jumper

We went and saw that new Hayden Christensen movie Jumper a few nights ago. It's the one where the guy can teleport to any place in the world. I liked it. Brian didn't. It's got the same director as the Bourne Identity, which I didn't know going in, but made sense afterward.

I found myself really liking the beginning, where the star figures out he has a power and then goes into the toying phase with it. But, then again, I always like that part in these types of superhero, comic-book-style movies. Once the conflict started, it kinda went down hill. I didn't think Samuel L. Jackson was particularly strong. Does it bother anyone else that he plays the same part in all his movies? Overall, though, I think the good outweighed the bad. The special effects were cool. And there was still a lot of wow in the action sequences and in the locations they chose. As long as you don't expect more than a fun action movie, you won't be disappointed. Overall grade: B-

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I lost 1.4 pounds this week. That brings my total weight loss so far to 16 pounds. (I think I was off by a little bit before.) I've been super-motivated lately because I got a personal trainer and I got a BodyBugg.

I really like my BodyBugg. I use it with an online program where I track what I eat. It makes it so that, at the end of every day, I know how many calories I've burned. So if my goal is to lose one pound a week, I need to make sure I burn at least 500 calories a day.

After using it for a week, I'd say it's pretty accurate. It said I burned 5,291 calories more than I ate this week. That equals 1.5 pounds. So, assuming my muscles aren't retaining water and that my clothes weigh about the same as they did last week, it's pretty darn accurate. It's also fun to see how many calories I burn doing different activities... such as washing dishes, walking to my car, working out, etc. (Use your imagination.)

I also chopped most of my hair off this week. It's the shortest it's ever been. It's kind of a Jackie-O style cut. Very professional. The most grown-up cut I've ever had. People seem to like it though. They say I look like some kind of movie star from the 40's.

And I got rid of my acrylic pink and white nails. I cut the natural ones short and painted them a dark, vampy black-burgundy. Very fun.

And since I've given up caffeine in the last week, I've been going to bed earlier and sleeping a lot better.

I think the weight loss encouraged all of this. It's more gratifying than I ever imagined. It's not about being skinny. It's about investing time and energy and effort into taking care of yourself. It's about taking an active role in your own life, instead if just sitting back and letting life happen to you. I know it sounds corny, but it's really a cool process.

Arbor whuh?

Arbor Day is quickly approaching! It's April 25th, so you only have a few short months to plant a tree in celebration. Alternatively, watch this video and go to this site for a few laughs and some hardcore tree awareness. (My friend Nick worked on the ad campaign.)

40 days and 40 nights

Lent starts today. I'm giving up caffeine, and boy, is it rough.

Crisis averted

I don't know what would've happened if I had gained weight this week. It would have been the third week in a row that I dieted, exercised, and gained instead of lost. I probably would have gotten homicidal and/or suicidal. Good thing I lost 3 pounds instead. I survived the Treasure Island buffet and the Superbowl on Sunday, and all-you-can-eat-sushi on Monday. Whew. Total weight loss so far: 14.6 lbs.

Obama for your mama

If he's good enough for ScarJo, he's good enough for me.

She's f@#king Matt Damon...

... and that's why I love Sarah Silverman. And now Matt Damon too. I got my tickets to see her (again) already. :-)

Stupid lactic acids...

I worked out THREE times this week, for an hour and a half each time, PLUS, I did that crazy uphill bike ride last Friday, and what do I have to show for all of it? A .2 POUND INCREASE.

MOTHERF&#&^R.

Total weight loss so far = 11.6 lbs.

Claudiaspotting

See if you can spot me during the interview with John Krasinski. (It's like we're kindred spirits being repeatedly drawn together by the universe!)

What the f*ck?

This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Ever.

Can't... move... legs

After my weight-gain this week, I got all motivated to start hitting the gym again. I went this morning for an hour and a half. Not a sissy hour and a half, where I rest for a long time between sets and do a wimpy setting on the elliptical. Oh no, it was hard-core. I felt so good about it afterward, I decided to bike to my eye doctor and to the bike shop later on. Not a good idea, as it turns out!

I left at about 4:30. I just had to pick up my new glasses by 5. The place was only like 2 miles away. I figured 20 minutes was plenty. Not enough time, as it turns out!

Apparently, I don't pay much attention to "topography," so I didn't realize it would be UP HILL THE ENTIRE WAY. I also never really paid much attention to the way gears work, so didn't realize I WAS UNNECESSARILY IN FIRST GEAR THE ENTIRE WAY. It was 5:15 by the time I got to the eye doctor. They hadn't locked the doors yet, so I went in. I think the lady was going to tell me they were closed, but then she saw that I was pouring sweat, heaving and wearing a bike helmet. I think she felt bad that I'd worked so hard to get there just to be turned away, so she took me.

By the time I got done there and at the bike store, it was dark. I had to buy lights for my bike, actually. Which was fine. I probably needed them anyway. But then I had to bike home in the FREEZING COLD, downhill the entire way, so it was EXTRA BREEZY for me. I had snot running down my face the whole way.

By the time I got home, it was 7pm and I looked a mess. Why did I even bother putting on makeup and blow-drying my hair? I had to be at an event at 7pm, so on top of everything, I was late.

So that was my exciting adventure to the bike store. On the bright side, I got to see bunnies along the bike trail and got to eat a big sushi dinner because of the 1000 calories I burned today.

Badgirl

This weekend I went a little crazy and had chips, lasagna, Chick-Fil-A and In-N-Out Burger. I gained .4 lbs. this week. Oh well. WHUTEVAH, I'LL DO WHAT I WANT! (Total weight loss so far = 11.8 lbs.)

Fangirl

This weekend yielded many tales. We had our first 80's movie night on Friday, and then Saturday we took part in the Nevada Caucus. That's a long story I'm saving for later. Right after the caucus, we hopped in the car and drove to L.A. to see Brian's sister Erin at the premiere of her new play Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. The show was great. Hear the musical numbers here.

At the show, I just about died when I saw John Krasinski from The Office. Here's me and my pal John:

He was a super-nice guy. I pretty much went up to him all fangirl-like and told him how awesome he was and asked for a picture. It was just before the show was about to start and we were both grabbing last-minute drinks at the bar. He was really nice and said thank you and no problem. Then I was all, "Wow, you're pretty tall, that's cool." And he was all, "Thanks, so are you." And that was about it. I said thanks and went into the show all jazzed.

Inside, I noticed he was sitting with Rashida Jones from The Office. After the show, we went to the premiere party in the lobby, and they were there. When she had a moment to herself, I went all fangirl on her too. I was shocked at how pretty she was. Her eyes are absolutely stunning. I was kinda taken aback. Unfortunately, I made a fool out of myself. I knew she was on The Office, but I remembered her from another show back in the day. I thought I was cool for remembering, so I asked if she used to be on the Drew Carey Show. She said no. OH CRAP. I then asked what show she did before The Office, and she said, "Boston Public?" I was like, YES!" How embarrassing... Anyway, she was super incredibly nice. I can't even stress how nice she was. She asked me my name and who I knew in the show. We actually talked for like a good five minutes about the show and who we knew in the cast and what she's going to be working on next. Here's me and my pal Rashida:

Notice how we're so close we're touching faces? That's cuz we're BFF's.

Anyway, I also ran into the guy who plays Sylar on Heroes at the show, Zachary Quinto. He's also going to be Spock on the new Star Trek show. He was also really super-nice. He introduced himself as "Zach" and asked what my name was and who I knew in the show. To be honest, I don't remember much about what we talked about because I was kinda scared he was going to kill me, like he does to most people on Heroes. Anyway, here's me and my boy Zach. See if you can spot his freaky Spock eyebrows:


So that was my weekend. I can't wait for Erin's next big premiere. Hopefully I'm allowed back for another one. :-)

Not as impressive

Well, it's not as impressive as 4.6 lbs., but at least it's something. Weight loss is so random! This week I lost .6 lbs. That brings my total weight loss in 9 weeks to 12.2 lbs.

Cloverfield sucked

We saw a sneak preview of that new J.J. Abrams movie. You know, the one that had the preview before Tranformers, where even after you watched it, you had no idea what the movie was going to be about. So yeah, it wasn't very good.

Spoilers ahead.

The thing that's destroying New York City is this giant, alien, sea-monster-looking, spider thing that runs around killing people and busting down buildings and birthing 3-foot spider creatures that run around and kill people. And if they bite you, your head explodes. Kind of a cross between Godzilla, Arachnaphobia, and the Blair Witch Project.

The good things about it were that it was pretty action-packed and suspenseful. That's about it.

The bad things were that it was virtually unwatchable because of the home video camera approach they took. Brian actually had to leave the theater for about 20 minutes so that he wouldn't throw up. Thank goodness it was barely an hour and a half long. Other bad stuff about it was the story, the acting, and the dialogue. I hated the characters, and quite honestly thought they deserved to get eaten by the monster. Total dumbasses.

Oh, and it pretty much had the same ending as the Blair Witch Project. How else would a movie shot like a home movie end? With the dumbass who can't put down the camera long enough to run away getting killed, duh.

So there you go. Cat's out of the bag and I saved you $10. Final grade: D+

Funniest one-liner I've heard in a long time

I hear Britney Spears is getting back together.

ba dum bum

Thank you, Doug Benson.

(This is a bad picture of him & me back in '05 at Comic-Con. He's been on Best Week Ever, Last Comic Standing, The Sarah Silverman Program, etc.)

Bow's Bullethole

The other day my friend from junior high reminded me of a funny story. Apparently, when we were 14, I had a problem with our other friend's dog, which was named Bow Wow. So I guess I re-wrote the words to Head Like a Hole by Nine Inch Nails in order to make fun of the dog. I guess when our friend heard the song I made up about her dog, though, she didn't think it was as funny as I did, and she got pretty upset.

So my friend started singing part of the song to me. It totally cracked me up, considering I had nearly no recollection of the story, or the song. Man, what was wrong with me back then? It's a good thing I've matured so much, I tell you that. ;-)

Anyway, here's all I can remember of the song:

...No, Bow can't take it,
No, he can't take it,
No he can't take the abuse from me...

Bow's bullethole,
Bloody and sore,
I'd rather die than feed you Alpo.

Bow Wow, you stupid ugly mutt,
You're going to get it in the butt.
Bow Wow, you stupid ugly turd,
You're going to get what you deserve.

Ah yes, good times...

I was all like, "Whuut??"

I had my first weigh-in of the year today. After my minor Christmas and New Year's indiscretions, I was jazzed to get back on the weight-loss horse. I thought maybe I had lost a pound. I mean, I've been good, but not THAT good. It turns out I lost 4.6 lbs. I was shocked. I had to get back on the scale and make sure. Yup, it was right. That brings my total weight loss to date up to 11.6 lbs. Woo-hoo!

Crack Band

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLAY ROCK BAND FOR THE XBOX 360. It's like crack. I don't even like video games and I'm hooked on that shi*. And because it's a group game, we're all collectively hooked - Brian on the guitar, Brad on the drums, Alexis on the guitar/bass, and David and me on vocals/bass. We've gotten so far in the game that our band, The Hella Killers, has earned its own private jet. We are out of control. Trust me. Your safest bet is just not to start.

I'm okay, you're okay.

Healthy-eating-wise, this last week and a half has really sucked for me. It all started with Brian's Christmas party, which was catered and offered only fancy, delicious, mystery appetizers and alcohol. Then came our Christmas party, and all the tamales, Popeye's chicken, BBQ beef sandwiches, macaroons, cookies, and other crap our lovely friends brought to share.

Christmas day was a bad, bad scene. We had traditional Mexican food - more tamales, enchiladas, chile relleno, flan. Then came New Year's eve - lots of beer and salsa verde Doritos to be had there. And then there was New Year's Day. Apparently it's good luck to have black-eyed peas, cabbage (or greens), and pork on the first of the year. It brings prosperity. Who can say no to that? So I had some of that, and a little more. All I know is that the cabbage was sauteed in bacon fat. Who knows what the rest was cooked in.

So for all my unhealthy eating, I was PETRIFIED at my weigh-in today. To my surprise, all of that (plus more I didn't mention) only added up to a one-pound weight-gain. Not bad. That brings my total weight loss so far back down to 7 lbs. Whatever, no biggie.

The good news is that I'm super-amped to get back on track now that the fatty decadent holidays are behind me. We even bought bikes to help us get healthy. YAY! I can't wait till they come in. We are going to have so much fun!

Angry Karaoke

Last night was our annual Felguayo XXXmas party. We gave our friends their Xmas presents, which included custom-made CDs of our drunken karaoke night way back in October. I was waiting to blog about that night until I could post the audio, but it looks like that's never going to happen. So, while it's current in at least a few people's minds, here are photos of my 30th birthday: XXXth Birthday Party Pics. Make sure you see all the pages of photos. There may be 2 or 3 depending on which browser you're using. Good Times. :-)

Good girl

I lost 4.2 lbs. this time. That's for two weeks though, since I couldn't weigh-in in Arizona. That brings my total weight loss to 8 lbs. in 5 weeks. Not great, but not bad, especially given all the candy and cookies and shit people have been sending to my office lately.

I'm Home!

And it's never felt so sweet. I got back from Arizona Thursday night, only to drive to L.A. Saturday morning for the Tori Amos concert, which, by the way, was fricking awesome. We just got home a few minutes ago.

That's not what I wanted to blog about though. I had another celebrity sighting on this trip. This time it was Lawrence Fishburn at a restaurant next to the music center in L.A. I totally walked up to him and was all, "I choose the red pill," and he was all, "Dude, you're hilarious, no one's ever said that to me before," and Brian was all, "I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day."

Ok, not really. I mean, we really did see Lawrence Fishburn at the restaurant, I just didn't say anything to him. But wouldn't that have been funny?

Try not to die on the way home!

I've been doing a lot of traveling lately, so I've been saying a lot of hellos and goodbyes lately. One thing that I've noticed is that it totally freaks me out when, just before I head to the airport, people say, "Have a safe trip home!"

It's like, "Really? You really think my plane is going to crash on that one-hour commercial flight? I would never have thought so, until you raised the issue of safety right before I was about to board my plane." I also get paranoid that they've jinxed me. And that I totally would have had a safe trip home had they not said, essentially, "Try not to get burned alive on the way home!"

I mean, if one had driven there, and were about to take a very long road trip home, then, yes, it would be appropriate to raise the issue of safety and wish someone a safe drive. People die in car accidents all the time, and they totally die on road trips all the time. But on a one-hour Southwest flight? I think the odds are comparable to winning the lotto. It's like telling your friend, "Have a safe trip to the checkout stand!" or "Have a safe trip to the bathroom in your own home!" It's like, yeah, you COULD theoretically die doing one of those things, but it's not like there's this huge chance. It's just a ridiculous thing to say. And it causes undue stress. For me, anyway.

I'm taking an early morning flight out to Phoenix tomorrow for a five-day work seminar. Wish me a comfortable flight there!

I blame the pizza

This was not a good Weightwatchers week for me. I gained 6/10 of a pound. DAMNIT! After I didn't even have popcorn at the movies, or alcohol all week, or chicken wings on Saturday. It really pisses me off. I'm going to try to hit the gym like a madwoman this next week. I gotta get back to losing 3.5 pounds a week...

Total weight loss so far: 3.8 lbs.

Reno 411

I'm back from visiting my college bitchez! We had such an awesome time together. Let's see, we had drunken mani-pedis, sushi, shopping, movies, and a cuddle party. It was awesome to pick right back up where we left off. It's hard to believe we've known each other for 12 years now. (Actually, I've known Leslie for 21 years, but she's the exception - everyone else is 12.)

I think the secret to our long-lasting bond is the fact that we all revert back to acting like vulgar little boys when we're together. Which brings me to my favorite part of the weekend. You see, each time I see my bitchez, I learn new, horrible, vulgar things I never knew before. Just when I think I've heard it all, they manage to shock and appall. We all contribute something. Here's what I learned this weekend:

Prairie Doggin' - Reference definitions 1, 2 and 4.

Gunt

And, last but not least: FUPA

I, too, contributed by imparting my knowledge of "Superman" and "Robocop." I also got to teach the girls about merkins!

Friendships that run this deep don't come around too often, so I'm grateful for my girls. Here's a bonus one for today - in honor of my bitchez:

Tony Danza

You can check out photos of our weekend shenanigans here.

Screwed that one up too

National Blogging Month is now officially over! YAY! As you can tell, I failed miserably at that too. Oh well.

Gone to Reno to see some bitchez. Be back Sunday.

Weightwatchers Week 2

This week wasn't as good as last week. I only lost 1.2 lbs. That's still a victory though, considering I pigged out at Thanksgiving, and I've been incorporating more of my normal foods back into my diet. At least I didn't gain, like most people this time of year. Anyway, this just gets me revved up for next week. Total weight loss so far = 4.4 lbs.

Writer's Strike, Schmiter's Strike

People keep talking about this writer's strike, and I'm like, "Pshaw, what are you talking about? All my shows are fine."

The Hills is still on Mondays.
The Biggest Loser is still on Tuesdays.
The Real World and America's Next Top Model are still on Wednesdays.
And Project Runway is still on (my Tivo) Thursdays.

I bet those writers are going to feel pretty silly when they find out the TV world will go on without them. Bring on Making the Choir, Celebrity Apprentice, and The Pick Up Artist 2, baby. I got another season of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila American Gladiators, Couples Biggest Loser and Beauty and the Geek Season 4 coming for ya after that. Kitcha! Keep 'em coming, watch out!

Hmmm... that gets me thinking. People have said that The Hills is totally scripted. I guess now we get to find out for sure. Fingers crossed.

Long Tall Weekend

Man, this weekend was nice. Thursday I was a fatty and ate everything in sight. Who knew I could reach 63 points in one day (my daily max is usually 26)? Oh well. I've been pretty good every day since. And I've figured out how to keep tamales, pizza, french fries, and steak in my diet, so bonus there. If I lose weight this week, I will feel pretty good. My weigh-ins are Wednesdays, so I'll keep you posted.

The rest of the weekend was super chill. I saw a couple of faces from the past - my best friend Allison and her wife Kelly, and my college roommate Molly. That was cool. All the ladies were looking pretty fly.

I meant to go get my hair done Saturday, but got a flat tire on the way there, so I didn't get to do that. Damn construction on the 215. But I did get to feel all independent calling AAA and then putting on my neon green safety vest from my CERT backpack that I keep in my trunk. I didn't have to put it on, I suppose. I was just stoked I got to use something out of my safety pack, ok? Zoot, don't rain on my parade!

Sunday we went and saw a movie highly recommended by the illustrious movie reviewer Catlad - No Country for Old Men. The movie was really really really well-written and well-acted and well-made. It was clearly made by exceptional moviemakers. The only thing was that the story was just kinda weird. They don't tell you everything. Which makes it more intriguing, but also more frustrating. Anyway, overall good movie. Just don't expect the usual formula.

This weekend I'm going to see my college bitchez in Reno. Should be fun.

Guess who lost 3.2 lbs. her first week on Weightwatchers...

It was me. It works! We'll see how the weigh-in after Thanksgiving goes though.

Funk Dat

I've been in some kind of funk lately. I haven't felt social at all. I think it has something to do with turning 30.

I think it started a few months ago. I'm the type of person that holds on to her friends for a very long time. I've never had a problem reconnecting with any of them. It's always seemed very simple to pick up right where we left off. Some of the re-connects lately haven't been like that though. They've been stilted and awkward. I've left sad and unfulfilled. It seems like I'm at the age now where everyone's focus is on something else - family, career, etc. Not so much on being social anymore.

At first I thought it was them. Like they grew up and didn't want to piss the day away with me anymore. Now I think it's me. Or, rather, all of us. I've been feeling very withdrawn.

I feel like my spark is gone. I have no interest in parties, mingling, or meeting new people. It's like, why bother? Is this what turning 30 does to people? Or am I experiencing something else?

That is one cool cat!

Check out the new blog everyone's been talking about - Catlad Quarterly.

Because Life's Too Short to Wear Ugly Clothes

So the new season of Project Runway premiered last night. Michael Kors musta been practicing his one-liners, cuz he was funny as fu*&! Last night he called a dress "so M.O.B."

M.O.B. = mother of the bride. Fantastic!

The new cast seems pretty interesting too. There's a chick who's a total mental patient, and a pompous gay guy that looks like he's 12. And several already seasoned designers. It's looking to be another good season. I can't wait!

Jennifer Aniston told you she was a demon whore

We just got back from seeing Beowulf. It was interesting. I still haven't decided if it was great or just okay. I think I'm leaning toward just okay. Naked, computer-animated Angelina Jolie is HOT though as Grendel's mother, a sucubus-type water demon. The movie did a good job with the story, I guess, given that it's like 3,000 years old. The monsters were done pretty well. Vividly terrifying for imaginary creatures. The 3-D was cool at times, but also distracting and annoying at others. I guess I have to say it was just okay.

We saw it at this amazing brand new shopping district called Town Square. It was huge - like 15 Green Valley Ranches in one place. I can't wait to take Allison there when her and her gimp leg come to visit next week.

On a totally unrelated note, I had my first Weightwatchers meeting today. It rocked. I'm really excited to start this new nutrition hobby. That's how I see it. As just an easy way to make me aware of what I'm eating. Making my 26 points today was rough, but I'm sure it'll get easier once I get used to eating differently.

Congrats, Yammy!

Congratulations to Yasmien and Chris, who just got engaged. Awe. All my friends are so grown up now!

Rex & Annie's Wedding

I didn't blog the last 3 days. I know. Sorry. I was out of town! It was Rex and Annie's wedding. This was the wedding I was going to officiate way back when. I chickened out in the end, which was super great for the couple, because the lady that did their wedding was really good.

For those of you who don't know, Rex is a friend of mine from high school. Or, rather, from graduation night forward. Someone at the wedding said they heard I was Rex's first girlfriend. I didn't think that was altogether accurate, so I corrected him. I was more like Rex's first love triangle. I liked Rex. Rex liked Allison. And Allison liked girls. We had great times together though, and it obviously all worked out for the best. Anyway, here are pictures from their wedding in Moss Beach, CA.

Roley poley, fat and ugly

I joined Weight Watchers yesterday. According to some online thing, at 6'5", I should weigh somewhere between 165 and 205. Right now I weigh 200. I would like to weigh closer to 165. I think 185 will do though. I don't start until next Wednesday, so I'm going to live it up for the next few days.

How cute is my nephew?

He was Destro for Halloween.

Obligatory Blogpost for the Day

I got the new Britney album last Tuesday, the day it came out. Everyone says it's surprisingly good, but it's just okay for me. In fact, I think it's a mediocre dance/techno album, and Britney's voice gets annoying after about the first 4 songs. She just doesn't seem that into it. Like she called into the recording studio from the tanning salon or something. I just got it to listen to on the elliptical machine. Anyway, that's all I got.

We've got a world that swings

Happy second wedding anniversary to us.

Brush with Britney (Bitch)

Today, while we were in L.A. having lunch with a friend, we got mobbed by paparazzi chasing down Britney Spears. How random is that? Here's how it went down...

We met our friend at this cute little place in Sherman Oaks, on the corner of Ventura and Van Nuys. There was this chandelier store next door. When we first saw it, Brian actually asked how a store like that could stay in business. "Is there really that much of a demand for chandeliers?," he asked. "Maybe in L.A.," I said.

So we have lunch and then walk around a bit. Afterwards, we went back to the intersection where the chandelier store was to cross the street to our car. All of a sudden, a bunch of guys with cameras come running toward us and jump into cars and motorcycles and SUV's that are illegally parked on the sidewalk and all over the place. We asked them who they were chasing, and they yelled out, "Britney!"

I thought they were messing with me, until we saw Britney's white Mercedes convertible zoom out of the driveway next to the chandelier shop. She had the top up and dark window tint on all her windows, so we couldn't see who was in the car, but I definitely recognized the car from my gossip magazines. She immediately pulled out and ran a red light. As did all of the cars chasing her. It was crazy. Like a tornado had just passed us.

Anyway, here's the store and intersection where we were almost run down by Britney and her paparazzi.


And here's the story of Britney chandelier-shopping already on PerezHilton.com. And another on I'mNotObsessed.com. I guess Jayden and Sean Preston were in the car with her. I'm bummed we didn't actually get to see them, but it was still pretty neat to nearly run into Britney during our trip to L.A.

That was Wicked

Only three days in, and I've already broken my vow to blog every day in November. Oh well, you'll just get two instead of one today. So anyway...
Saturday we went to L.A. to see the musical Wicked. It was my birthday present from Brian. The show was amazing. It was pure visual and auditory candy. I think it's my favorite musical now. Definitely see it if you get the chance.

Being the fangirl that I am, I stayed after with all the other little kids to catch the cast on their way out. I ended up meeting Eden Espinoza, who played Elphiba, and Megan Hilty, who played Glinda. Here's Eden Espinoza as Elphiba:
And here's Eden Espinoza without her green make-up, with me, the fan girl:And here's Megan Hilty as Glinda:

And here's Megan Hilty out of costume with me, the fan girl:
As you can see, I really enjoyed myself.

The rest of the trip was really fun too. We stayed at a really nice hotel downtown with a view of the Hollywood sign. And we had dinner at this trendy sushi place on Wilshire Blvd. (It actually wasn't as good as the sushi places we go to at home, which kinda impressed us about Vegas, but it was nice nonetheless.) And we met up with my old friend Negar from law school at this fun little breakfast place in Sherman Oaks (where we had a brush with Britney - see bonus blogpost above). And we went shopping on Melrose. All in all, a very nice birthday/two-year-anniversary weekend.

White Trash Party

Last Saturday, we went to Meredith's white trash birthday party. We were kinda costumed out from the night before, but we managed to muster up the spirit to dress up a little bit. We went to this dive bar where you couldn't tell who was part of the party and who wasn't. For example, the bartender was wearing one of those t-shirts with a bikini painted on it. At first, we thought it was a really good costume, but then it turned out she wears that all the time normally. Shannon put her foot in her mouth a few times that night cuz she had a really hard time telling who was in costume and who was not. Anyway, you can see photos here.

Sit Ubu, sit. Good blog.

I'm going to be like my friend Todd and blog every day in November. I really do have tons to blog about. I still haven't posted last year's Japan pictures, or this year's Alaska pictures. Or my birthday karaoke soundtrack. Anyway, that's all for another time, when I have more time to edit and organize and learn how to post podcasts. For now...

Let's discuss the song "Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy. If you haven't heard it, you can catch up here. It's like the latest version of the Macarena.

So today I heard that this song, which has been playing at school assemblies and sporting events all across America, is actually one big filthy sex reference. I found that pretty amusing. Almost as amusing as the veiled sexual references contained in it. Almost. The references are hilarious, rivaling even the Sneaky Castro and the Portuguese Breakfast made famous in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

Apparently, when he says "watch me... Superman dat," what he actually means is this. Yuck! And then, when he says, "watch me crank that Robocop," what he actually means is #6 here. And then I guess, in an alternate version, there's a reference to the verb "Spiderman," which actually means this.

Wow. That's really hot.

Part of me thinks this has to be some sort of clever marketing campaign aimed at generating more buzz about the song. Which has obviously worked on me. Either way, it's still pretty hilarious to think that all those mainstream folks are unwittingly singing and dancing around about filthy sex acts.

The freaks come out at night

Last night was Annie and Nat's Halloween party. Brian and I went as a mummy and Claudiapatra (or Nefer Titty - your choice). If you want a quick costume idea, DON'T go as a mummy. Oh, and buy a lot of safety pins.

Brian heeded neither of these wise warnings. He bought bedsheets at the thrift store, dragged them through the dirt lot by our house, then cut them into strips. Brian insisted that tucking alone would hold the garment securely in place. Three hours later, my mom and I finally finished wrapping Brian. He couldn't hear anything, could barely move, could not use the bathroom, and had to sit down all night because he kept coming unravelled. I think he would have had a better time had he gone as something else. Oh well... Total cost for a mummy costume: $11. Cleaning the dirt off of our couches, floor, tables, etc. the next morning: priceless. Here are more pictures of the party.

Birthday Luvin

Despite my manic-Monday birthday, I actually had a kick-ass pre-birthday weekend. I'm really such a lucky girl. One of the surprises Brian had for me was a book of photo birthday wishes from my good friends all over the country. It definitely made me grateful for the wonderful friendships I've made over the years. And it made me especially thankful for having landed such a sweet, thoughtful husband. Guy has been planning this since July! Anyway, here are just a couple of the shots.








Oh, and this one's the best because it's my old boss one week after sexual harassment training. Why I insist on protecting him from himself, I don't know.

It's Monday, I'm 30, and it sucks.

The last two days of my twenties were phenomenal. Now I'm 30, it's Monday, and it totally sucks.

Another good one

Go see Into the Wild!! It is SO good. On top of being beautiful, insightful, and moving, it had this hot chick in it. Ooh, yeah. Little something for everyone.

Did I mention we saw Elizabeth: The Golden Age this weekend? Although visually stunning, it was nowhere near as good as the first one. Mostly, I just didn't admire the character traits they were trying to develop Elizabeth with. She was all wishy-washy and whiny and forgiving and shit. Not at all the Godfather-type badass from the first film. Mary Stuart was pretty badass though. Anyway, I'd recommend a matinee of this one, just to see how it compares. Just don't expect it to be better than the first.